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AUGUST 2003

August 2003 Cover Art Archive

Globalizing Government
August 30, 2003 · Have you heard the one about how your government will be put into private hands? That's right. Privatization, known as "market based government" by the Bush administration and "privateering" by others, is well under way and is probably already a part of your life. By Sandra E. Jewell

Fiscal Irresponsibility
August 30, 2003 · Before the Corporacrats, the Kleptocrats, and the Free Market Fundamentalists took over we tended to pay for government as we went along. That is, until the right gave us borrow-and-spend. Pushing the the cost of government off onto future generations is their solution. By Norbert Radtke

Bring 'Em Home
August 29, 2003 · Not only do the American people have no clear idea of why we are in Iraq, neither do our soldiers. And in the midst of what's becoming a guerilla war, hawks like John McCain are now calling for more troops. Anyone hearing echoes of Vietnam? By Bill King

Beneath the Republidomes
August 29, 2003 · "Back around the turn of the century, the Demodogs had just about run the country into the ground. The hated Mr. C., the final Demodog president whose name we never say out loud anymore, had completely ruined everything. He and his wife were the most evil, despicable people ever to occupy the former White House, which of course we now know as the Gates Mansion in

A Powerful Madness For Which There is a Cure
August 28, 2003 · Albert Einstein, one of the most brilliant people to have ever lived, and the father of modern physics and technology, once defined insanity as "the belief that you can get different results by doing the same thing over and over." Thus Albert would have undoubtedly viewed the Bush Administration's relentless, single-minded pursuit of its nineteenth century, extraction-centered, regulation-free, energy policy as a classic textbook example which proved his point. By Dan DeLisio

Dear Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkeys
August 28, 2003 · My dearest friends Jacques and Gerhard, I realize that we haven't always seen eye-to-eye about things but I think it's time we all kind of sat down and talked things out if you get what I mean. Man to man – like we do down here in Texas. Hey, why don't I have you guys over for a barbecue? By Mike McArdle

Hypermodern Hypocrites
August 27, 2003 · Like a wave of heat and humidity that lingers even after a good rain, the uneasiness and macabre anticipation in the air has not been blown away even by bombs or blackouts or the growing tide of popular dissatisfaction with the nationwide Republican government. There is trouble brewing, but beyond that there is no clear indication of what will happen next. By Raul Groom

The Land of the Free?
August 27, 2003 · John Ashcroft has thrown down a gauntlet to people like Palestinian activist Amer Jubran and others who would voice dissent - shut the hell up or get the hell out. By Sheila Samples

Futures Shock
August 26, 2003 · I want to go back in time, a whole... what, two, three weeks, when we first learned that the folks at the Pentagon had put into practice what may be their sickest idea yet: trading terrorism futures. I know the terrorism futures story is, like, so July; but do not let it pass quite from your ken as you read today's developments. By The Plaid Adder

Banana Republicans Attack
August 26, 2003 · Just when you thought the reigning powers that be could not make this country look any more like a Banana Republic, the lights went out on Broadway. And the rest of New York State, as well as much of Ohio, New Jersey and Michigan. By Cliff Schecter

African Uranium and the Scarlett Dossier
August 26, 2003 · Britain's top spooks are mightily confused about what they know - or even think they know. By Dennis Hans

Dog Days
August 23, 2003 · Living in Washington, D.C. at the end of summer is utterly bizarre. In August, nothing happens. Congress is on vacation all month, and these days, the President is too. The Supreme Court is long gone, hanging out back home drinking gin fizzes, each laughing maniacally at the fact that she has landed a lifetime gig on the only unreviewable body in the U.S. government. Of course, we still get our share of odd news stories. By Raul Groom

Coup d’Etat Number Three? The California Recall and the Reversal of Elections
August 23, 2003 · It is hard to escape the pattern that is emerging—the pattern of major elections being reversed, either directly or by attempt. It is only after you have considered the Clinton impeachment of 1998 and the highly unusual Presidential election of 2000 that some light on the California recall process emerges. By Neil Myers

Lootocracy
August 22, 2003 · If you run a lootocracy, you have no conception of sufficiency. You set up the rules to grab as much money as you can, as if you've won a supermarket shopping spree. You also concentrate power, the better to arrange the world for your benefit. Unchecked by modesty, satiety, or shame, you take all you can get away with. You loot until someone stops you. By Paul Rogat Loeb

Apologies Now Being Accepted
August 22, 2003 · Well, it looks like the wimpy, irrelevant UN Security Council was right, the cheese-eating surrender-monkey French were right, the British people (as opposed to their government) were right, and those hate-America peacenik anti-war demonstrators were right. The Iraq war has degenerated into a complete disaster, an utterly unwinnable quagmire. By Mike McArdle

The Spider and the Fly
August 21, 2003 · Only the most ill-informed or fanatically partisan person would argue that the post-war situation in Iraq is going according to plan. However, that is precisely what some of the most devoted sycophants within the Bush administration - aided by some of the most shameless toadies from without - remain committed to convince you and I of. Their contention is a simple one: the continuation of combat in Iraq is - contrary to popular wisdom and all supporting evidence thereof - beneficial to the United States and its interests. By Michael Shannon

Wowed by Bush PR Blitz, Green Groups Rush to Endorse Administration Policies
August 20, 2003 · Stunned by George W. Bush's amazing personal magnetism, telegenic style and above all by an unprecedented series of photo-op campaign stops, the nation's environmental establishment is now rushing to endorse his candidacy in 2004. Satire by David Albrecht

Recall? It's a Coincidence
August 20, 2003 · There is no secret that California is in a fiscal crisis today. What seems strange is the unwillingness of Bush and Co. to help - surely attempts by Washington DC to ease the economic woes of the most powerful economic engine in the country would augur some assistance to avoid prolonging the Bush recession. Sadly, this is not to be. It turns out our suspicions about the evil hands in the California disaster du jour have actual substance. By Mike Hickerson

America Two Years After 9/11: 25 Things We Now Know
August 19, 2003 · Things we could only speculate about a year ago have taken place - to name just three: an invasion and occupation of Iraq (based on misleading intelligence and outright lies), an administration that may have committed the treasonous act of deliberately revealing the identity of a CIA agent, and shocking revelations about the computer-screen voting system now being put into place around the country for the 2004 election. My list can be used both as a reminder to all of us why we're fighting this battle. By Bernard Weiner

I'm Gonna Run for Gov'ner!
August 19, 2003 · I've got a plan. When I am elected, the first thing I will do is have all the locks in the Capitol changed. That way every legislator will have to come to my office to get a new key. We will sit down and I will reason with them. I will explain the new reality, that the people elected me to get things moving and I have a mandate. Within 30 days I will present a plan for getting California moving in the right direction and I will need their help and participation to get the job done. By Gerald Plessner

An Exceedingly Modest Proposal
August 16, 2003 · They call it an "epiphany" when a sudden, blinding, life-changing insight hits you. I think I've just had one. So much of one that I'm sending in my membership fee to the NRA tomorrow, and looking for other advocacy groups to send generous checks to - groups that promote gun access and ownership rights. By TygrBright

Is a Debacle Looming for California Democrats?
August 16, 2003 · While the right can be expected to stand squarely behind Schwarzenegger, the recall will fracture the left badly. Already, more than 190 candidates are on the ballot. What matters is less the fact that so many candidates are running than that there is no single force on the anti-conservative side who is likely to attract as many votes as the Republican candidate. By James Paterson, Ph.D

We Were Just Talking: (Yet ) Another Conversation About Dennis Kucinich
August 16, 2003 · I was surprised by an email from an old friend, usually apolitical, who wanted to engage me about Dennis Kucinch. While I don't always put my heart into rising to such bait, I was invigorated enough by our exchange to share it with the world. By Daniel Patrick Welch

California Recall: The Coup Inside a Circus
August 15, 2003 · Here, from two California observers familiar with the strangeness that passes for politics in this state, is our preliminary analysis of the recall imbroglio. Many in the media are focusing on the farcical nature of the proceedings - and there is much about it that is absurdly comical - but, at heart, this is deadly serious politics. By Bernard Weiner and Ernest Partridge

Of Patriots and Men
August 15, 2003 · If you're on the line in Iraq or you're the one waiting back here praying the base Chaplain doesn't come up the walk, then "patriotism" is knowing this war might still rob you of all your dreams, whether it was a lie or not. If you're in the oil business, "patriotism" is buying access to all the right people and getting even richer. If you're living large off Iraq on cable TV, then "patriotism" is hot graphics, hosts who shout, and cute blonde newsreaders with big hair who can't pronounce Arabic names. By B. Rehak

As 2008 GOP Convention Begins, Bush Rejects Climate Agreement
August 14, 2003 · As his valedictory appearance as president approached on this second night of the Republican National Convention, George W. Bush again rejected an international climate agreement, and spoke strongly in support of Republican nominee, Sen. Tom DeLay (R-TX). Satire by David Albrecht

Acting to High Office
August 14, 2003 · It is natural for entertainers to thrive in a political culture that values a leader's private morals more than his stand on issues, that focuses more on his public image more than his qualifications. After all, entertainers made their living by promoting a particular public persona that may have nothing to do with reality. By Michael Wensky

Bush Eats Barbecue... Soldiers Starve
August 13, 2003 · Long-time CEO Rumsfeld and his civilian lackeys are running the military like a corporation. And, as in most corporations, the Suits at the top of the ladder and the worker bees in the cubicles and factories live on different planets. The Suits concern themselves with profits and growth but forget the product. Employees? Employees are cost, and employees in Asia work cheaper. Next we'll hear the Navy is being outsourced to India. By Barbara O'Brien

Who Are You Callin' a Good Catholic?
August 13, 2003 · Pope John Paul II preaches strenuously and often against the "culture of death" that he sees as encroaching on the western world. But what is George W. Bush if not the poster boy for the culture of death? It seems to me that anyone who wants to be considered "a good Catholic" should be calling for an impeachment inquiry. By Glenn M. Edwards

The Story
August 12, 2003 · When a journalist - or in this case, a pack of them - pounds out a piece this monstrous, this earth-shattering, it is incumbent upon other writers and commentators to stop blathering on about trivial and inconsequential things and call attention to The Story. Now that The Story has finally broken, there is little for the rest of us to do but stand back and watch in awe as the pieces fall into place. By Raul Groom

Hope Out Of Quagmire: New Peace Movement Opportunities
August 12, 2003 · Although the war has created precisely the kind of mess we predicted, peace activists need to do more than just repeat, "I told you so." We need to offer our own vision, by supporting European initiatives to end US control over Iraq's political and economic future and place the country under UN charge, policing it with a multinational force with significant Islamic representation. By Paul Rogat Loeb

Writing for the Internet
August 12, 2003 · For the thousands who take the time and make the effort to sit down and hammer out a rant, essay, article or news story and send it to their favorite web sites, does it have any effect? Are we making a difference or are we just preaching to an already enraged choir? By W.O. Coach

Bush Economic Team Completes Tour of Midwest Gated Communities
August 9, 2003 · In a bid to boost support for the president's economic policies, Treasury Secretary John Snow and Labor Secretary Elaine Chao today wrapped up their five-day listening tour through some of the Midwest's least economically troubled communities.
Satire by David Albrecht

Playing the Word Game
August 9, 2003 · This is Bush doing what he does best. Telling a lie -- such as linking Hussein to both 9-11 and al-Qaeda and stirring the mix with stacks and piles and tons of deadly weapons of mass destruction -- and wrapping the whole thing in wild speculation specifically designed to stimulate fear and generate rabid support for a war already decided upon. By Sheila Samples

Even Republicans are calling Schwarzenegger a liar
August 9, 2003 · Schwarzenegger makes Reagan seem intelligent, Bush seem articulate and Gore seem loose. He is fine for shallow, idiotic movies where his most complex line is "Hasta la vista," but not for governor of the largest state in the country. By Jackson Thoreau

The Gridiron
August 8, 2003 · In the two and a half years since Bush was inaugurated, every NFL team has held at least 32 grueling, snarling, blood-dripping tests of strength, endurance and treachery in full view of God and man, while the President of the United States has held a grand total of nine press conferences. Worse still, each time Bush appears in front of the press, the game seems to contain a little less of the salty flavor of the NFL and a little more of the bland, artificial tang of the XFL. By Raul Groom

Still Crazy
August 8, 2003 · After all these years, it still amazes how Americans can remain so disconnected from the world events in which we play so central a role. I use the term "world events" loosely, since the US today seems to have lost even its historically tenuous connections with the reality of the rest of the world. By Daniel Patrick Welch

A Gardener's Guide to Bushes
August 7, 2003 · Knowledge of how a plant grows is an important key to being a successful gardener. Today, I am covering the description, care and habit of the popular shrub known as the GW BUSH. By Clara Dendron

The Antithesis of Bush
August 7, 2003 · I support Sen. Graham because he is the antithesis of George W. Bush. He is an experienced politician that has seen - and solved - many problems over the years. He has experience in important domestic arenas, and he has (by virtue of being a senator) experience on foreign policy. By Michael D. Guss

Does Anyone Care About Texas?
August 6, 2003 · With partisan power-grabbing stunts becoming an everyday occurrence in Texas, the rest of the nation has seemingly become complacent. Granted, it appears to be the heart of GOP pride - the chest-puffing, false-swagger of our current "president" seems to reflect the worst of Texas values. Well, guess what? There are many more liberals in Texas than anyone else in the country realizes. By Rush Roberts

The March to War
August 6, 2003 · Ah, to be George W. Bush, wealthy beyond his talents, connected beyond all reason, and insulated beyond all caring; living in a fine free public house, and safe inside his simplistic world view, a Zeitgeist combining Norman Rockwell's art with the sure knowledge that you can sell anything wrapped in the flag and the Lord. By B. Rehak

This is the Title
August 5, 2003 · With gay marriage, the Democrats have before them a golden opportunity to latch onto an issue where the absolute worst that could happen is that the Republicans will ram through a mean-spirited, unworkable federal law that will immediately be challenged by a half-dozen state legislatures looking to make a statement and will be on a fast track to a Supreme Court showdown besides. On the other hand, there are myriad ways for the Dems to win the fight. By Raul Groom

Incubator Babies Bite Back: The Ballad of Uday and Qusay
August 5, 2003 · The Bushies, contrary to the village idiot visage of their leader, are extremely well-versed in the tactics of promoting illiteracy to educate the public. Since the start of his reign, George the Second has relied on the power of visual language to convey his agenda in the stark terms of black and white, good vs. evil as if his policies were divined from Power Rangers reruns on the Cartoon Network. By Leilla Matsui

Homemade Inquisition
August 2, 2003 · Ads by the Committee for Justice proclaim that by questioning the "deeply held beliefs" of federal appeals court nominee William Pryor, Democrats were really saying that Catholics should not be allowed to be judges. Like all laughably bad Republican arguments, this one would be a lot funnier if everyone got it. By Terry Sawyer

This Just In...
August 2, 2003 · For roughly two decades our mass media has covered the standard bearers for the far right's current revival of McCarthyism as if these pundits operated in a vacuum. The religious right's insinuation into mainstream politics, the popularity of Rush Limbaugh, the bestseller status of Ann Coulter's nauseating books, have been treated as amusing sideshows or at worst, gross breaches of taste, their troubling implications ignored. By Pamela Troy

Welcome to Ann Coulter's World
August 1, 2003 · If the thought of Hilary Clinton in a Che-style beret, rifle-in-hand, leading the League of Women Voters in an armed assault on the Bush family ranch has Coulter's fans in a panic, they should relax. This writer has just the antidote for the spreading plague of liberal subversion. Yes, it's none other than the historic figure of Senator Joseph McCarthy. By Mark Harris

The Calm Before the Swarm
August 1, 2003 · The Story has yet to be discovered. It’s hidden somewhere in a forgotten pile of documents, waiting for the right set of hands to come along and hold The Story up to the right pair of eyes, who can pass The Story along to the right editors, with just enough swagger and reckless machismo to think that they can be the ones to finally break The Big One. By Raul Groom

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