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What Now, George?
April 10, 2003
By Ed Hanratty

To the surprise of nobody, Baghdad has fallen. We're seeing people dancing in the streets and pulling down statues and all that fun stuff. Good for them. On one hand, it's great to know that Saddam Hussein is no longer in control of Iraq. But more importantly to the average Joe, it's great to know that the world's second largest oil supply is now in the hands of the American government, because, as we always do, we're going to say you owe us this for your liberation.

That my friends, is why we found it so necessary to "liberate" Iraq. That is why we have no plans to liberate Nigeria. That is why we won't be liberating the Sudanese or Cubans or North Koreans. Let's not let our selected officials treat us like fools. This is was never about liberation. Not at all.

I'm not writing as a "sore loser". Nobody doubted that this was going to happen. We all knew Baghdad was going to fall. The last thing I wanted to see was American soldiers coming home in boxes, although, if there's going to be a casualty in a war, I'd much rather see it be one in a uniform as opposed to one in a hospital bed.

So what now George? Where are you going to send our boys and girls now? What kind of threat are you going to make up now? Who else are you going to try and connect to our nation's worst day? More importantly, what are you going to do for the Iraqi people? Take their oil to pay for this liberation? Let them have democratic elections? Then what? They elect a radical Islamic fundamentalist that hates us. Then what are you and your Neanderthal cold-warriors going to do? Gonna change his regime too? What happens when the new regime doesn't like you George? What happens then?

And when can the people of Nigeria and the Sudan expect their liberation? I'm sure they'd love to know. And when are you going to actually go after bin Laden, the long-time Bush family friend that also happened to attack us? What about North Korea?

It's time to be accountable George, because this comes as no surprise. Try as we might have to "liberate" the minds of the American drones, to shift "popular" opinion away from wars of aggression, we knew this was coming. So congratulations. This has to be as gratifying as watching the New York Yankees dismantle Chuck's Auto-Body little league team.

Or, here's a noble thought George. Why don't you stop playing Ghengis Khan for a second, and worry about the homefront. We know that silently you're praying for another terrorist attack, because come on now, look at the approval ratings you'd get. Plus, it will give you another free pass to "shock and awe" the nation of your choice.

But do you have to be so obvious about it? I mean, it's one thing to campaign for and pass your "Homeland Security Bill", but it's another thing to under-fund it, or in some cities, not fund it at all. You accused Max Cleland, a Vietnam Veteran and triple amputee of being "unpatriotic" because he demanded to know how this bill was going to be funded. As Senator Kerry said, shame on you for that one.

You fell asleep on 9-11, you tried to blame your predecessor, but we all know that it was his NSA Team that told yours to worry about Al Qaeda and stop trying to play "Return of the Jedi" with the Chinese.

Hey George, ask daddy about what the Americans think about the economy when compared to foreign policy. You really are a clone, aren't you? Lets bomb brown people for sport, lets cut the taxes of only the rich, and let's forget about the rest of the people. They're stupid, they'll buy their flags, put their yellow ribbons up, and chant "USA, USA" at hockey games. And you know what George? You're right, to a certain extent.

Many Americans lack the self-esteem and self-confidence to stand up for themselves, or stand aside from the crowd. It's why we have fraternities, sororities, lodges, country clubs and book clubs. We need validation. We're not sure of ourselves. We lockstep right behind the person in front of us. That's why you see bumper stickers that say "Love it or Leave It" or "These Colors Don't Run". That's why we have the Ku Klux Klan.

The majority of the public just can't stand being alone. American society has a collective "penis envy" - we need our SUVs bigger, our guns more precise, our value meals super-sized, our bombs stronger, and our enemies weak and diminished.

But there's one thing that Americans care about more than their tanks and their guns and their Whoppers and their bunker-busters George. And that's their wallet. Daddy found out the hard way. You will too.

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