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Bush
Gives Iraqis 48 Hours to Dance in Streets
April 1, 2003
By Mike McArdle
New York Times
Bush Gives Iraqis 48 Hours to Dance in Streets
By Alex Byrdman
President Bush, evidently growing impatient with the pace
of the Iraqi liberation and the attitude of the Iraqi citizens,
has issued a new ultimatum, only this time it's to the Iraqi
people themselves.
"I'm a patient man" said the President at a hastily
called news conference, "but there are limits to my patience.
We've been bombing the daylights out of these people for a
more than week and I haven't seen a single one of them dancing
in the streets to celebrate their liberation."
"We have pursued the liberation of Iraq at great cost
to America in terms of lives and treasure and as yet the Iraqi
people have thus far refused to welcome us in the manner that
Richard Perle and William Kristol have assured me that they
would. We've shocked. We've awed. We've knocked down their
buildings and blown up those little marketplaces that they
shop in. We've even tried a decapitation. We done the things
that all good liberators do and not only have these ungrateful
people refused to overthrow Saddam they haven't danced, they
haven't put any rose petals in the streets. Nothing. In fact
they've even been shooting back at us and thus further delaying
the hour of their liberation. I don't know what else we could
have done to win these people over but the time for patience
is running out. I'm tired of trying to win the hearts and
minds of people who refuse to see that a ten year occupation
by the infidel is a good deal for them, for their children
and for a sizable number of American corporations."
"In view of these circumstances I feel that I have no
choice but to tell the Iraqi people that they must dance in
the streets and express their jubilant gratitude to me and
our troops within 48 hours or face the most serious of consequences.
I have ordered a mass air drop into the city of Baghdad. We
will be supplying little American flags for the people to
wave, flowers to throw at our soldiers, and for those whose
dancing skills are rusty after years of Saddam's oppression
we are dropping dance videos in both VHS and DVD format. Those
who have no electricity due to the bombing can share a video
with someone who does. But there will be dancing and there
will be celebration in Baghdad or there will be a high price
to pay. I've said from the start that the Iraqi people are
not our enemy but now the choice is theirs. They either dance
or they've seen the last of Mr. Nice Guy. God picked me to
be the liberator of the Iraqis and He wants to see some dancing."
The President allowed no questions but several of the stunned
reporters said that they heard him mutter "level the
place" under his breath as he left the podium. At his
regular press briefing later in the day Ari Fleischer said
that the President has been under a good deal of stress since
the start of the war and may need to visit his ranch in Crawford,
Texas to deal with an emergency buildup of brush. When asked
by Helen Thomas whether the President was feeling underappreciated
Fleischer said that despite rejections by Frenchmen, Germans,
Russians and now Iraqis the President was holding up well
and would be personally supervising the flag, flower and video
drop which would be commencing within the hour.
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