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New Majority Leader Stops to Help Family by the Road; Kills Their Cat
January 8, 2003
By Gil Christner

Alligator Alley, Florida — Tennessee Sen. Dr. Bill Frist, who came to the rescue of the GOP when Trent Lott was in trouble, interrupted his holiday break to aid a family by the side of the road, resulting in the death of their cat.

Frist, a heart and lung surgeon, who will be the new Senate Majority leader when Congress reconvenes this month, was along driving along a south Florida highway where he spotted what he thought was a family was in distress.

The Tampa family, Mr. and Mrs. Bob Henderson, with children Tim, Sally and Puddin'pop, actually were just stretching their legs at a rest stop on the way to the Everglades.

When Frist found there was no compelling reason to use his medical expertise, he performed a heart and lung transplant on the Henderson's pet cat, Puffball.

"What the hay," Sen. Frist said later. "No reason not to put my medical skills to work, even if there weren't any sick people. I am a doctor, after all, I know what I'm doing."

Unfortunately, there was no donor heart and lung, so Puffball died on the table, in this case, a picnic table, being used at the time by another family, the Goldbergs of Boca Raton, for lunch.

"That man has skill, but he put me off of corned beef for some time," said Mr. Goldberg.

The Henderson parents had nothing but praise for the Republican leader.

"We're lucky he came by when he did," said Mr. Henderson. "We had no idea when Puffball was going to get that heart-lung transplant. Although we didn't even know that she needed one. And it sure wasn't his fault that there wasn't another kitty heart-lung available."

"I feel very badly," said Frist. "If I had known I was going to need a feline heart-lung set, I would have stopped at the Miami Animal Shelter and asked to adopt a cat before I set out on my trip."

"I feel confident now that the Senate is in his hands," praised Mrs. Henderson. "Those 'demo-cats' had better watch out!"

Puddin'pop, the youngest Henderson, could not hold back her tears.

"The man killed my kitty," she cried, obviously put up to it by a liberal.

 
Gil Christner is an actor and writer living in Los Angeles. He can be seen playing Aide #1 this month on "The West Wing," saying "We're talking about PSSF grants?" while Brad Whitford ignores him completely.

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