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The
Pen is Mightier
August 30, 2002
By Brad Radcliffe
 As
the Bush warlords relentlessly drag the U.S. into another
"police action" with Iraq, the question arises: instead of
the messy, costly government subsidized destruction that is
military violence, why doesn't Bush just take over Iraq easy
way, that is, the same way he took over his own country -
with crony capitalism?
He's already shown us how simple it is. Continually spout
laissez faire economic mantras like "self correcting markets"
and "the unseen hand of the marketplace" - just make sure
that those unseen hands are really the sweaty palms of Bush
pals holding firmly to the massive, cold steel of the levers
of power.
This means our fearless leader will have to reverse his belligerent
stand against Iraq and make nice with the man his father called
a modern day Hitler. But the American public is used to, even
expecting, the abrupt and arbitrary changes of his whipsawing
positions without explanation or clarification, so this is
less a problem than it might first appear.
From challenging Gore on cutting carbon dioxide emissions
then dumping his own pledge his first month in office to sucking
dry the surplus then calling for an end to deficit spending
just last week - his wild gyrations in policy has whipped
consistency around like a six year old on a Tilt-A-Whirl,
so far with strangely little effect on the almighty approval
ratings.
The American public doesn't really expect George W. to make
up his mind, for they know full well he doesn't have a mind,
c'mon!
As bad as it might seem for the tall walking, slow talking
(well, inarticulate at least) Texan to look like "all hat
and no cattle" when he rolls alongside the big wheel on the
Axis of Evil, major flip-flops on important issues are nothing
his people can't handle. Given enough time, Brit Hume and
Andrea Mitchell would break the inevitable news story of how
militancy against Saddam was a wrong-headed Clinton policy,
to distract the voters from Vince Foster's "suspicious" suicide
no doubt, with the U.S. News cover "Clinton's Failed War with
Saddam" in bilious green letters soon to follow.
At any rate, once that small hurdle of completely reversing
himself had been cleared, the Mighty Helmsman is ready to
put into practice the "Golden Rule" of politics: "he who has
the gold, rules."
Our team of crackerjack business executives can be parachuted
into Baghdad like vultures on fresh kill - think Al Pacino's
syndicate to hapless Moe Green in The Godfather II. Our Ken
Lays will help the energy ministry develop a "business-friendly
free-market environment" that will funnel profits directly
to the people who earn them, top executives and their government
toadies. Our Jack Welchs (NBC) and Rupert Murdochs (FOX News)
will "aid and assist" the propaganda ministry in the fine
art of all the news that's fit to support your great leader,
no matter how loopy his ramblings may become. And if these
media czars make obscene profits that end up in off shore
accounts - hey, what's wrong with that, you a communist
or something?
Vice President Cheney, the man many privately refer to as
Monsieur Je Ne Sais Quoi, could personally instruct Saddam's
people in that all-important skill of liaisoning between the
political and private spheres. First, work in high level politics.
Second, sell that experience to a big multi-national like
. . . say . . . oh . . . Halliburton . . . for uhm . . . $36
million, then ping-pong back into the public sector as a staunch
defender of the "average people's interests."
Mr. Bush however has the most important role to play, as
befits his position. He will teach the Iraqi government how
to allow egregious crime by corporate fat cats while giving
those same filthy rich executives huge tax breaks at the expense
of the vast majority. No doubt it will have the same effect
there as here - millions thrown out of work, life savings
wiped out, stock market crash, capital spending gone, research
and development decimated - in other words, it will ruin the
economy more effectively than a gaggle of tomahawk missiles
slamming into the Iraqi treasury.
After free market "reforms," the profits from the vast oil
reserves of Iraq would at last flow to the people who matter
- the people at the top levels of business and government.
No longer would the average Iraqi expect any pay-off for having
been born on top of huge oilfields. Now Iraq would be "a land
of opportunity" in which anyone can get rich - just look at
all the rich people - so if you're poor, it's your own damn
fault, and if you complain about it, what are you, some kind
of communist or something? You can't get that kind
of willing submission to allow the rich to get richer with
anything as crude as a bomb, George - you of all people know
that.
Woody Guthrie writes in a famous folksong-"as through this
world you travel / you'll meet some funny men / some rob you
with a six gun / and some with a fountain pen." Mr. President,
why take Iraq with a six gun? Just unleash the real Mafiosi,
the men who steal billions under the law with their
perfectly legal forced acquisitions and stock options, tax
havens, pension grabs, and political slush funds. After they
get done wringing the wealth out of that country, Iraq will
fall spent and useless as an old dishrag.
When wielded to sign contracts by crony capitalists, the
pen is indeed mightier than the sword. Executives, right face,
march!
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