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Just Another Right-Wing Groupie
August 30, 2002
By punpirate

Well, maybe it's time to weigh in on Anne Coulter (after better commentators than I, such as Gene Lyons, have gotten in their very good licks). She is, after all, such an easy target. How many bleached blonde pit bulls are there in the world of conservative journalism?

In the same cheap shot fashion as she employs in her latest book, "Slander," I could suggest that her remarks about Katie Couric could simply be projections of her own sympathies. Having described Couric as the "affable Eva Braun" of American liberalism, could it be that Coulter is envious? Eva Braun, having been the mistress of one of the past century's best-known fascists, could be a role model for Coulter. Could it be that Coulter wishes, mightily, to be the mistress of one of this century's best-known fascists? Is there some hidden, prurient interest on her part? Does she have less-than-family-values designs on Ashcroft? Or, dare I suggest, Bush?

What few commentators on either the right or left have done is identify Coulter for what she is--a right-wing groupie. Those on the right have expressed dittohead wowness for her, and those on the left have attacked her facts, her citations, ad infinitum, but there's simply no point in doing so. Her scholarship is awful, but that's typical of the right. What she does, in print, and in public appearances, is drip copious quantities of mindless appreciation of right-wing politicos in the same way that groupies and various other hangers-on of rock stars exude appreciation for the objects of their affections.

The groupie is an outsider wanting very much to be an insider. Being close to power, to the groupie, is a little like having some of the power rub off. Groupies are, essentially, irrelevant, but are occasionally useful to the people with power, or fame, or, when those other qualities are lacking, notoriety. Groupies cannot distinguish one quality from another, and will seek out, and suck up to, anyone who has more media exposure than they.

Anne Coulter would very much like to be at the center of power. But, as a groupie (and, therefore, by definition, a nonentity to the powerful), she's never going to find herself in such a position. I shudder a bit to think what government would be like with Anne Coulter in a cabinet position, but I can take some heart in the realization that she isn't likely to be offered one. After all (and, yes, I will probably use the phrase "after all" quite a bit), even Bo Derek got a presidential appointment from Dubya to the board of directors of the Kennedy Center, and poor Anne was stiffed again. There is a pecking order, even among right-wing blondes.

More seriously, Coulter has made a name for herself simply by pushing the envelope. Being outrageous has always gotten some media attention (anyone doubting that needs to recall that Tiny Tim got on "The Tonight Show" with no other talent than an acute recognition of outrageousness). The few thousand Freepers love her, but maybe the rest of American society ought to apply the dinner table rule to Anne Coulter. If she's invited to dinner at your house, about how long could you stand her spouting about killing liberals with her mouth full of roast beef and mashed potatoes?

The point is that Americans, largely, are fairly moderate in their views. Given a middle, they will always take the middle. Even though commentators such as Coulter occupy the airwaves and their attention, they will, eventually, gravitate to someone with more rational and moderate views (after all, if they are coerced to approve of the killing of all liberals, they might have to approve of the wasting of some of their relatives and neighbors, of whom they might otherwise be rather fond). The last election clearly demonstrated that Coulter's side isn't winning the hearts and minds of all voters. After all, Coulter is, finally, a propagandist very short on facts and long on opinions and misquotes.

More troublesome, of course, is that Coulter's talks to campuses are often sponsored by The Federalist Society, which strenuously denies that it has any political agenda. Let's put it this way... I don't think The Federalist Society has ever sponsored any talk by the Dalai Lama or Martin Luther King or Bill Clinton. They have their agenda and Anne Coulter is a groupie for them. Woe be to The Federalist Society if the public ever connects their legal opinions to the intellectual paucity of Anne Coulter's research.

Her comments are meant to be inflammatory, in the same fashion as Hitler's were intended. Coulter, at no time, is inviting discussion. Her comment about Timothy McVeigh, the Murrah building bomber in Oklahoma City, was, "My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building." It takes little deconstruction of that remark to realize that her view is that any disagreement with the right wing is a waste of time, and that destroying the source of that disagreement is wholly agreeable to her. Hitler could not have made his points more simply.

In short, Anne Coulter is an Eva Braun wannabe, nothing more than a Hitler groupie. Eva Braun complained to Hitler that she was always hidden away when the people of power and influence were invited to Berchesgarten, and the same is true of Anne Coulter and the right wing today. They are happy to reap the benefits of her acid tongue, but they don't want to be seen with her, let alone be seen embracing her in public. Not Bush, not Cheney, not Rumsfeld. Not even Richard Perle has puckered up and kissed her in public for the cameras. She's just not one of the power elite, and the power elite is never going to admit her to the club. She is, after all, a groupie, not a member of the band.

In another time, and in another political milieu, Coulter would be laughable. Which is another way of saying that when that other political milieu arrives, Coulter will become irrelevant, and will be relegated to performing some more privately masturbatory function for the right wing. Her media exposure now is not due to the quality of her writing or her grasp of contemporary societal issues, but rather, that she is the media darling of the far right, and the far right has some considerable influence in the press these days. The right wing has been in attack mode for almost thirty years, and Anne Coulter is simply the right wing's latest pit bull in that attack in favor of their interests.

So, folks, cut yourselves some slack. The woman's views aren't worth expending any effort in rebutting. She's a groupie.

When some one of your acquaintances quotes her, serious as a heart attack, just laugh and say, "Anne Coulter is a fascist groupie." Your assertion will likely be more fact-based than any wild-assed comment Anne Coulter can come up with.

When someone else comes along capable of spewing vitriol with more force, or volume, Anne Coulter will quickly fade into anonymity. And, it's likely that Coulter, having set the upper limits of societal tolerance for mindlessness, has helped to encourage the next right-wing dumb blonde to mark all the nastiest adjectives in her thesaurus, and who, using them, will bump Coulter off the heap of right-wing commentators. When General Patton said, mindful of Shakespeare's "Coriolanus," that "all glory is fleeting," he wasn't kidding.


punpirate is a writer in New Mexico who thinks that Jane Birkin was a much nicer professional groupie than Anne Coulter, though no more relevant.

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