Home  |  Discussion Forums  |  Articles
Democratic Underground  
Powered by FreeFind


Click here to purchase DU Merchandise

Sweatshirts, mugs, and mousepads also available!

We rely on donations from our readers to run this website. If you think we're worth it, give us your money!

Authors - we publish a wide variety of new material six days a week. If you would like us to consider your article for publication, click here.

Find out what other Evil DUers are reading. And buy through our Amazon Affiliate Program.

We have over 1,000 progressive websites listed in our Links Directory.
· Democratic Party
· Forums/Communities
· Government
· Humor and Parody
· Issues and Activism
· Merchandise
· News/Commentary
· Personal Homepages
· Research and Dirt
· State and Local
· Add a link!

Check out our fabulous range of T-shirts, mugs, baseball caps... etc.

Clint Eastwood for Secretary of Homeland Defense
June 12, 2002
By Rich Procter

Hey Wow! According to our Boy Wonder President, weíre about to achieve the miracle of a new cabinet level bureaucracy without this whole magilla costing you, the taxpayer dollar one! What a deal! My guess is that heís got Oliver North secretly setting up some kind of "office space for arms" deal with some shady types that elder Bush knows through the Carlyle Group.

Okay so far! But who the heck is going to our first Secretary? Tom Ridge? I donít think so! Iím thinking that this position is going to be oh, say about 99.9% PR, and thatís why we need somebody like Clint Eastwood. Letís do a comparison:

EASTWOOD: Steely-eyed gaze strikes fear in cowering evil-doers.
RIDGE: Dough-faced, "eyes in the high beams" fraidy-cat canít intimidate in pizza delivery kid.

EASTWOOD: Kicks evildoers ass in film after film.
RIDGE: Obsession with color-coordinated "warning" charts earns respect from interior decorators.

EASTWOOD: As Dirty Harry, not afraid to "throw out the book" and defy desk-bound pencil-pushers to defeat evildoers.
RIDGE: Desk-bound pencil-pusher.

EASTWOOD: Lean, mean crime fighting machine inspires terror in malefactors, will have them scurrying back to Baghdad.
RIDGE: Paunchy, inside-the-Beltway who inspires fits of laughter in those who wish us harm.

EASTWOOD: Would kick FBI ass, take names, write names down and throw away the list, lip curled in contemptuous snarl.
RIDGE: Intimidated by G.W. Bush Ė Thoughts of Saddam make him wet himself.

EASTWOOD: Would find Osama, tell him to "Make my day."
RIDGE: Couldnít find Rush Limbaugh in a phone booth.

To sum up Ė we need somebody who will deter these villains just through his very presence. We need a wraith Ė an icon Ė a centurion Ė not a guy who looks like the Assistant Manager of a neighborhood Taco Bell.

Printer-friendly version
Tell a friend about this article Tell a friend about this article
Discuss this article
Democratic Underground Homepage

© 2001 - 2004 Democratic Underground, LLC

Important Notice: Articles published on the Democratic Underground website are the opinions of the individuals who write them, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of Democratic Underground, LLC.

Home  |  Discussion Forums

About DU  |  Contact Us  |  Privacy Policy

Got a message for Democratic Underground? Click here to send us a message.

© 2001 - 2011 Democratic Underground, LLC