GOP-to-English Dictionary: Cracking the Republican Code
June 6, 2002
By Michael Barry
Finding it difficult to reconcile Republican rhetoric with
their actions? Maybe you just aren't speaking the same language.
Use this handy guide to translate GOP dialog, and get on the
same page as the corporate millionaires running the country!
Never be left out again--use this guide while listening to
GOP politicians, or reading their shills in the press.
Think how happy you'll be to finally know what they're really
saying. No more unpleasant surprises, no more false hope of
bipartisanship Impress your friends at parties with seemingly
prescient predictions--only you'll know what programs
will be cut, what regulations will be rescinded, which documents
will be released, and which will remain classified as a matter
of "national security". Your friends will think you're a genius!
Simply substitute any words you encounter from the left-hand
column with ones from the right, and you'll be speaking GOP
in no time. It really works!
|When Republicans Say:
||The Good Old Days
||Dumping waste in rivers
|Protecting the environment
||Building strip malls on toxic waste sites
||Lots of Gravy
|Totalitarian Communist Regime
||Republicans with PR agents
|The Right To Bear Arms
||The Right to Sell Guns
||Corporate Control of the Judiciary
Try it yourself! Translate the following sentences:
Example 1: "Freedom-loving people understand that local stakeholders
are best able to decide what's best for their industries,
and not those who advocate irresponsible Federal regulation.
Recognized experts have demonstrated that voluntary compliance
is the right way to strike a balance between protecting the
environment and rewarding entrepreneurs."
Example 2: "I know there are those who think the estate tax--the
death tax--is a good idea. They think that initiative--and
merit--shouldn't be rewarded. Well, that may suit Massachusetts;
it may suit Ted Kennedy; it may suit others mired in their
sixties-induced class-warfare. But it won't work here in the
sovereign state of Mississippi!"
Now get out there and start translating!
Michael Barry is a singer/songwriter from Boston, MA.