I Couldn't Agree With You More
April 23, 2002
By RastaBob Martin
The Middle East peace mission, except for a few buildings
left standing in Jenin, was an unqualified success. Coupled
with the traitorous vote on ANWR and the coup failure in Venezuela
(no doubt due to Bill Clinton's failure to employ enough CIA
operatives in Caracas), the road to Baghdad is open. You simply
have to get the relevant world behind us.
The argument to the American people (and they all love you,
George) is that we can't get oil out of Alaska nor Venezuela
and all the Arab states hate us, so we have to take Iraq.
The argument to the Arabs follows, and the rest of the world
Many worry about the next ruler of Iraq. Don't. You have
the perfect successor at your right hand. Yes, Dick Cheney.
Not only has he the experience working in Iraq with Haliburton
Oil, but he's the perfect guy to hide in Saddam's twenty palaces.
Once you get Dick in place, it's only a 5-4 SCOTUS ruling
to statehood, two Republican Senators (there is no "Democratic
Guard" in Iraq), countless House members and all the
oil we can use. The advantages over Alaskan oil are great
where we would have to drill and the state already has two
As for Venezuela, we would be fighting a war in jungles rather
than the desert of Iraq. You may (or may not) recall, the
Vietnam War was fought in jungles (we lost) while the Gulf
War was fought in the desert (we won, sorta).
Now, the Arabs. They don't really hate us, that's what you
tell the American people. You will not be lying (like that
last ne'er-do-well president). It's disinforming. The kind
of truth that could have come out of that office in the Pentagon
had the media (I need not say liberal) not thwarted its creation.
Back to the Arabs. They really want Saddam gone and an American
border they can easily cross to enjoy the fruits of democracy.
They just don't know if we are ready to step up and take out
the Mother of All Dictators. After all, the Taliban were babes
in the brutality business.
They would like to see us prove ourselves and what better
way than the take out the Father of All Dictators, Fidel.
It would be easy. Ninety miles and away and much smaller than
Afghanistan, it shouldn't take more than a week.
The only drawback is that it would be cheap. Not much need
for defense dollars. As a matter of fact, we could do it on
the very cheap. We've got all those prisoners at G'Mo we don't
know what to do with. Strap them in true bomber jackets and
drop them on Havana. The war will end before we run out of
One word of caution. These are not smart bombs and we must
be careful not to drop them on areas populated by tobacco
plants. Access to Cuban cigars is an important objective and
one Americans can sink their teeth into. (Sorry, couldn't
Once Cuba falls, the world unites behind Iraqi statehood
and your name George will join the great one-named leaders:
Genghis, Adolf, Benito, Tojo, Osama, and, well, Saddam and
By the way - annex Iraq, but keep Cuba for your family. You