Bunnypants Gang Takes On PFLAG
March 12, 2002
By Tucker Estron
Things started to get seriously weird in America when the
son of the former chief of the secret police was installed
as President after a dubious election. Most news agencies
in the country carried somewhat-inaccurate assessments of
the final vote count in the most-disputed state, claiming
the son of the former chief of secret police had actually
won, fair and square; reports from other countries, where
the propagandists (who were variously called "spin doctors"
and "press agents") had no sway told the real story.
It was moot anyway; the matter had been decided by the highest
court in the land--presided over by a judge with political
ties to that former chief of secret police himself.
The son of the former chief of secret police began appointing
members of the far right wing of his political party to key
positions. As Secretary of Energy he chose a man who believed
the Department of Energy should be abolished; as Attorney
General he appointed a man who blocked voluntary desegregation
in Missouri (apparently without wondering whether the man
would be able to uphold desegregation laws).
Then, in the middle of this already warped time, a far-right-wing
religious fundamentalist from a different sect launched an
attack on America.and the clusterfuck was on. New surveillance
powers for the police, new cautions to "watch what you say,"
and a new arm of the government, named "Homeland Security"
all sprung up like toadstools after the rain. The attorney
general started hinting that anyone who thought civil rights
were in danger might be accused of siding with the terrorists;
and then it was holiday season. One of my on-line buddies
got a visit from the FBI for publicly calling Bush "Crusader
Meanwhile, the Salvation Army, a religious organization that
had curried favor with the Bush government, continued longstanding
policies of discriminating against gay, lesbian, bisexual,
and transgendered people. In protest, PFLAG groups around
the country started printing up funny-money: Monopoly-looking
bills with a little message saying, "I did not donate the
real thing because of your discriminatory practices" to be
dropped into the holiday season's many Salvation Army buckets.
The idea was to send a clear message that the Salvation Army
was being boycotted, and why.
The Salvation Army did not like this boycott, so they called
up the Secret Service--the people who investigate counterfeit
money. Despite the fact that these bills were obvious fakes
and no one was trying to use them to buy anything, the Secret
Service dutifully showed up at the headquarters of the Flint
PFLAG to investigate. It seems the Bunnypants Gang isn't too
fond of gay people, and they had determined that these little
reminder-notes were somehow more dangerous, more a threat
to the nation, than all those Bill Clinton $3 bills that were
printed up in the 90's (without one peep out of the Secret
Of course, the absurdity isn't over yet. The Bunnypants Gang
is even now investigating those troublesome PFLAG agitators,
while being somehow unable to find the guy who's been sending
anthrax around. (It's no surprise that Mr. Thrax, whoever
he is, seems to target left-wingers. Perhaps the Bunnypants
Gang should be looking around their own clubhouse?)
This, then, is the new way of things. A wise person observed,
"Fascism looks exactly like a parody of itself." Well, it's
not quite a parody yet--but I can see the irony beginning
to roll in like a fog.
Tucker Estron publishes a little zine in the Pacific Northwest
and is really, really weird.