Suspect Foul Play
By Paul Winkelmann
"A woman's body was found in the ocean, bound and gagged,
with her throat slashed...authorities suspect foul play."
Many years ago an anchorman once uttered these words. Viewers
laughed at this ghoulish miscue while news producers across
the country cringed. Foul play? No shit!
Well, get ready to laugh again.
Enron's cash filled tentacles were spotted stuffing Bush's
wallet with thousand dollar bills...nearly every regulation
Enron ever asked for, Bush got passed...Enron acted as Bush's
personal headhunting service...Enron made frantic midnight
death-throw calls to, by this time, wary and unusually uncooperative
Bush cabinet members...The press uncovers lovingly personal
notes between Bush and Enron CEO Kenneth Lay.
"Authorities suspect no foul play."
No, not the Democratic authorities. They have fully grasped
the political implications of this situation. It's the GOP.
The best we can coerce out of them is a begrudgingly whispered
admission that this is merely a business scandal, but definitely,
definitely, definitely, not political. Not political?
Not too long ago we had Republican Congressmen tripping over
themselves trying to politically criminalize consensual sex
in the work place. To prove their point, they were shooting
innocent farm produce, recruiting secret-agent wanna-bes from
secretarial pools, and pontificating their disgust that children
had to hear all about the intimate details of the president's
personal life, that they themselves demanded be publicized.
They were sure they had a slam-dunk criminal case on Clinton.
All they needed was some evidence...and a crime. To date,
they've produced neither.
Enron has given the GOP that 100% guaranteed two-pointer
they've been searching for. But they're tired of playing and
want to lie down on the bench for now. Even a ladder-assisted,
Air Jordan-like jam requires too much effort from the Speaker
of the House or the Senate Minority Leader.
Enron's retirement plans and Cayman Island partnerships were
found dead in the Rose Garden, but the GOP compassionately
decides that they don't want to jump to any hasty conclusions.
At least not without a confession from the corpse. The victim
used its spilt blood to sketch out a "W", accompanied
by an arrow pointing towards the Oval Office, yet Republicans
can't see how this crime is politically relevant.
It isn't? Did somebody recently decriminalize the bribing
of public officials?
Lott, Hastert, and Novak can't (or won't ) connect the dots...What
dots?...I don't see any dots...Let's discuss missing White
Most importantly, they have established a united front, pretending
that every energy magnate, including Kenneth Lay, didn't have
an off-shore account right in the Oval Office. With high volume
discounts, I might add.
But we all know the truth. It was a regular Million-Millionaire
March on the White House.
So begins the two-pronged campaign of deception and misdirection.
First the deception:
Famous blabbermouth columnist Robert Novak wrote, "Democrats
have not been dissuaded by failure to discover administration
complicity in the scandalous behavior of Enron's top brass."
"Failure to discover administration complicity?"
The only evidence the Democrats don't have on Dubya is an
actual videotape of him endorsing Lay's campaign contribution
checks at the exact same moment he was signing off on Lay's
newest tax rebate. It seems the Republicans will settle for
nothing less. Come on, I mean Bush can't even watch TV and
eat munchies at the same time, so what are the odds of us
catching him on film, in the act of such a feat of ambidexterity?
They've got to be astronomical.
Its "McCarthyism," Novak weeps uncontrollably.
No, McCarthyism involved harassing, threatening, and interrogating
innocent citizens until they gave up names of other innocent
citizens. So far, we've seen neither hide nor hair of any
mistreated Enron/Anderson innocents. In fact, several witnesses
have been treated very kindly. But they weren't the ones who
were known purchasers of government offices and regulations.
Novak even had the gall to lambaste Rep. Henry Waxman because
Waxman freely admitted he got some of his damning evidence
from "the press". Apparently it's Waxman's fault
that Enron officials have made themselves mute before Congress
and that company whistleblowers are clamoring to speak with
the press, detailing how their former employers screwed them
(and everyone else).
By the way, Mr. Novak, aren't you a member of "the press?"
So I can kinda see your point...you fucking shill.
Not convinced yet? How bout if the Great Oil Party tries
to outflank you with the other prong?...Misdirection: (or
as it's better known on the playground as, "Look, your
shoe is untied.")
Clinton got Enron money. Terry McAuliffe got rich on Global
Crossing. Hillary took White House knick-knacks. All are probably
true, but where's the relevance? And what's the charge, officer?
If the Republicans want to go after Clinton for getting Enron
money, they should put up or shut up. I would personally love
it if they set up all their evidence against Clinton in a
pile, then the Democrats could bring in their fleet of garbage
trucks to deposit their inventory of evidence against Bush.
We could then have a good old-fashion duplicity competition,
based entirely on the quality of the stench emanating from
each stack. Sure, Clinton's entry might tweak the nose a bit,
but the putrid odor coming off Bush's heap would knock the
proverbial buzzard off the proverbial shit wagon.
And go after McAuliffe if you'd like. Please...do it, do
it now, I dare you. He made lots of money off of Global Crossing
stocks. Of course the Republicans haven't been able to provide
any proof that his investment transactions were anything except
legal and above board. He wasn't an insider. He couldn't enact
any regulations. He didn't hire Global's employees. McAuliffe
did, however, make some good coin, and that's really all the
conservatives can come up with.
They are trying to initiate some class warfare. Portray McAuliffe
as a Republican-like tycoon in the hopes that we will crucify
him for being so GOP. Sorry, but contrary to the myth, we
Liberals don't really hate all wealthy people, we just hate
all wealthy people who steal money from us. McAuliffe stands
accused of having good business instincts, and nothing more.
Better try something else Mr. Lott.
Speaking of Global...didn't Poppy Bush make a timely killing
on their stock, right before it crumbled? Quite a few million
as I recall. But why confuse everyone with facts? No time
for that, we've got to be misdirected some more.
"Over here, over here, look at us, we're doing the White
House furniture shuffle again." Hillary took this, Hillary
took that, they destroyed the White House offices, they vandalized
Air Force One. Is that so? That's not what the GAO concluded.
Their investigation exposed the accusations for what they
were, minor infractions blown out of proportion and out and
out Republican lies.
But why should that halt the inquisition? What, just because
Bill and Hillary were found innocent already? Quick, get Mr.
Starr. I heard Bill was watching a pirated broadcast of the
Playboy Channel. That's good for another six-month's worth
of congressional inquiries. Hey, if Double Jeopardy is good
enough for Alec Trebek, it's good enough for the Clintons.
So, have they succeeded? Are you sufficiently deceived and
misdirected yet? Sorry, I didn't mean to insult your intelligence
but I had to ask.
Yeah, the entire planet knows what really happened here but
the Republicans have committed themselves. They're stuck going
down the path of deception or the path of misdirection. It's
a fatal course but they have to take it. They know they can't
go with the truth. That Dubya, Lay, Cheney, and the rest of
Bush's crew, were all caught red-handed, covered from head
to toe in corporate and political greed, crouched over the
bound and gagged corpse of Enron. It wouldn't play well on
the evening news.
"Authorities suspect foul play." Well, no shit!