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Katherine
Harris Mind Meld
February
2, 2002
by Anthony G. Hendricks
 News
Item: The Florida Secretary of State spoke before the Conservative
Action Conference Thursday in Arlington, Va. Now a Republican
candidate for Congress, Katherine claimed that the corrupt
Florida election had strengthened Democracy because she had
stood up to the onslaught of people who wanted Florida State
Law followed. And that the Constitution had been strengthened
by illegally installing George the Affable in the White House.
Jesse Helms was moved to tears.
Spiritual seekers, as promised, this week we journey into
the mind of Katherine Harris to search for enlightenment as
to exactly what went on in Florida Selection 2000. I know
some of you are allergic to massive quantities of perfume.
Please, for best results hold your nose until we are safely
into the interior. Now, take a deep breath and exhale slowly...
as we breathe start counting backwards from ten... focus on
the target of our quest... good it’s working... yes, now we’ve
arrived. Kind of messy in here. Just stubbed my toe on a box
of uncounted....
“Hey there now, who invited you in.”
“Katherine we’re spiritual seekers, seeking enlightenment.”
“I don’t know anything about anything, but most especially
about the voter registration date.”
“That’s what you told all the reporters and T.V. talking
heads, and investigators for the Civil Rights commission.”
“You know that uppity.... I mean that black chair woman didn’t
act like she believed me.” We’d see Katherine Harris smile
at this point if we were on the outside, but being on the
inside all that we can tell for sure is that her gray matter
has twisted into a sly grin.
“That’s what we’d like to know, are you really as incompetent
and ignorant of your duties as you pretended.”
“This isn’t going to leave my cranium is it?”
“No of course not you can trust us, we’re spiritual seekers
almost honest to a fault.” (Of course brain wave material
does get accidentally projected and broadcast sometimes through
no fault of anybody, really. A sensitive sometimes picks up
those transmissions and if the sensitive happens to be a satirical
writer.... well we can’t be responsible for that. I didn’t
bother to tell her that, after all we were after the truth.)
“Well then, I can let my hair down so to speak, and I have
been criticized about my hair and the rest of me as far as
that goes, if you’re a woman in public office and you don’t
look like Madeline Albright, you know like a female bull dog,
well other people just tear your looks apart and your wardrobe
and teeth and even the amount of perfume you wear... it’s
really tough being a public woman, especially when thrust
into the limelight of a big crooked... election.... well not
that we did anything wrong mind you, but that disgusting Al
Gore kept insisting that the votes actually be counted. How
rude, expecting Jeb Bush and the rest of us to actually count
votes for him, Al the Gore rhymes with Bore.... just one of
those disgusting people, belongs you know to that other party,
the one we’re forced to share power with.”
“So was the Certification Deadline really cast in stone and
all that important. Was it even a legal deadline?”
“Well it all depended, of course It was really important
because without the voter certification deadline we’d have
had nothing to take to the Supreme Court then they would have
had nothing they could use to stop the vote counting and without
that well... well if they’d have actually ever counted all
the legal votes... even part of the legal votes then the wrong
person would have been in the White House and my political
career would have been over and as you know I wanted so bad
to be Ambassador to the French Riviera.”
“I guess that’s not going to happen.”
“Some big mouth Demo... one of those told that I wanted that
so of course they printed it up and now they say it would
look bad for our team if George gave me that Ambassadorship
and I think that’s so ungrateful because without me to hold
the line on the Voter Certification Deadline, and preventing
the recounting of votes in many counties, and okay even approving
illegal absentee Republican votes... well where would he be...
still stuck in Texas with a Budget crisis and scrambling to
try and blame it on Democrats.”
“So you see yourself as the key player in Florida Election
2000?”
“We’re a team of course and of course every team has to have
a Superstar to be a winner.”
“That doesn’t exactly fit with the image you projected of
bumbling incompetence.”
“That’s where I did the greatest job, nobody else could have
pulled that off, and that’s where being female helped. If
a man would have put on that act well I tell you, nobody would
have bought it. But I used sexual stereotyping to my team’s
advantage.”
“So you knew exactly what you were doing.”
“Duh, do I need to hit you between the eyes with a two by
four.”
“Well you know many have speculated that you simply did what
Jeb told you to.”
“Of course he quarterbacked the operation, but lord I carried
the ball across the goal line for the winning touchdown. I
made it all possible.”
“What about the voter registration fiasco?”
“We planned it all out, and executed it to near perfection.”
“Do you feel any remorse for cheating voters out of their
right to vote.”
“Remorse? what’s that?”
“You don’t believe in fair play I take it.”
“What’s that have to do with winning?”
“Well I get your point, but this is supposed to be a Democracy.”
“Yeah, who says anything as dumb as that.”
“Some people do.”
“Tell them to get over it.”
“Anything else you’d like to share with us. You know we’re
still a little skeptical here.There are many truth seekers
who will still want to see you as incompetent.”
“That’s simply evidence of how good our propaganda is. Consider
this, we explain away all of the Florida Election Problems
by blaming it on honest incompetence, then we go out and continually
convince the American people that we’re the most competent
party to run the country.”
“Amazing, Orwell called that Double Think.”
“Finally, you understand. Stand back now it’s time for a
fresh dose of perfume. I’m going to Congress next. George
and Jeb have assured me that I can go on as many junkets as
I want to the French Riviera. Winning is just grand!” “At
taxpayer expense I presume.” If gray matter can wink. I swear
it did. “I do believe you’re catching on.”
Anthony G. Hendricks is a country poet & satirist, author
of the book, Democracy Bushwhacked, Election 2000, Florida
Theater of the Absurd. Available at orders@xlibris.com
or 1-888-795-4274.
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