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My
Flag is Bigger than Your Flag
November
29, 2001
by Nathaniel D. Selby
Recently an employee of the Boulder public library wished
to hang up a very large flag (10 x 15 feet to be exact). Unfortunately
the flag was so large that it blocked the entrance to the
library. Library Director Marcelee Gralapp, being very sensible,
decided that as people needed to use the door to get in and
out, it would be best to take it down. The library would just
have to settle for the twelve other flags displayed in and
around the library.
Sounds reasonable, right?
Wrong.
Soon after the incident letters to all the the local news
papers began to pour in about this un-American act. Of course
nobody bothered to check the facts. It was a simple case of
a liberal being unpatriotic. It was obvious that this was
a case of Gralapp trying to be "objective" (conservatives
have the amazing ability to make the word objective sound
evil) and not take sides in the war.
By the time it reached NewsMax.com (that bastion of news
excellence) Gralapp was officially quoted as saying that to
display the flag "would compromise objectivity."
This bizarre tale of rumors and gossip-mongering does not
end here however. The news of Gralapp's evil anti-American
behavior reached the ears of that wonderfully moderate House
Rep. for Colorado, Tom Tancredo, who quite maturely stated
that anybody who doesn't display the American flag should
"get the hell out of the country."
In addition to just being sweet and lovable, little Tommy
is also a busy little bee - he is currently writing legislation
that would cut all federal funding to any institution which
refuses to display the American flag. Poor Tommy, someone
forgot to tell him that Boulder public library does not receive
federal funds. Undaunted, Tommy will push for this legislation
anyway - and even wants to add public schools to the list
of places that can be denied funding in the proposed legislation.
All this of course reveals the true priorities of the Republican
party. Literacy is something that must be wiped out by taking
funds from schools and libraries. After all if people read
they might think, and if they think who will be left to join
the Republican Party? On the other hand waving bits of colored
fabric is obviously the true American way and should be encouraged.
So remember if you want to be a true American block your
entrance with a American flag today.
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