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Let's Roll!
November 14, 2001
by Smokey Sojac

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This is truly America's hour of need, as the ship of state drifts rudderless in a crisis with only an incompetent drunk lurching about the control house babbling as his cronies ransack the purser's safe.

Since not even right-wing sugar daddy Rupert Murdoch thought the Dim Son's speech Thursday night was worth interrupting the premiere of "The Tick" for, many Americans were unaware of what he told his hand-picked audience of Republican desperadoes in a vain attempt to distract them from their election debacle earlier in the week. "We have entered a new era, and this new era requires new responsibilities, both for the government and for our people," he said.

Here is a new sampling of Bush's new civil service initiatives mentioned in his new speech Thursday night. As JFK might have said if he hadn't been mysteriously shot after being threatened publicly by right wingers on his trip to Texas, "Let's ask what we can do for our country, not what other people are doing to us." Let's roll!

Tutor or mentor a child. They're going to need all the help they can get, since the GOP is continuing its war on public education. You can point out, for example, how much the proposal to punish children by withholding money from underperforming schools is like the more surreal passages of Charles Dickens or Jonathan Swift.

Participate in neighborhood watch or Crimestoppers. Be careful, though, because this Administration is in the pocket of the gun lobby and background checks aren't as effective as they used to be, thanks to AshKKKroft.

Volunteer in a hospital, emergency medical, fire or rescue unit. You can hold the hand of the terminally ill and explain why they can't voluntarily end their own lives in a dignified and painless fashion because the attorney general is a religious hysteric.

House those in need of a home or shelter. There'll be a ton of them, just like there were when Reagan and /George's Pop were in the White House. Don't worry about the rich, though. They'll continue to get all the help everyone else needs.

Become active in the USO or other military support group. That's much more productive than asking what we're doing over there and why.

Remember, General Franks is no Norman Schwartzkopf, and Osama Bin Laden is somehow no longer a target less than two months after he was named as the culprit. Try to keep the confused GIs' attention focused on Wayne Newton instead.

Be ambassadors of American values while on business and vacation trips abroad. Loudly demand in countries with a free press that they stop running articles critical of the Dim Son's administration, or that when they mention how many civilian casualties our bombing is caused they slant the story in a way favorable to us.

Ridicule foreigners who live in democracies and point out how their inefficient and antiquated system leaves them stuck with the candidate who receives the most votes. Explain to foreigners with single-payer medical plans how much better off they'd be getting screwed by HMOs. Demand that they let you carry a concealed weapon for "safety."

Keep telling them "You're either with me or against me." Win those friends!!

Write letters to Afghan children. Of course they can't read their own language, much less English, but you letters might give them kindling for the long winter ahead, now that we've blown up their homes.

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