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My Neighbors are With the Taliban!
October 26, 2001
by Jokerman

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I would like to report terist activity in my own neighborhood. I always been wary of them folks ever since they moved in. They're little people, little swarthy people. They ain't got no dogs, they ain't got no yard cars and hell, they ain't even got a pickup truck. They drive around in one of them thar mini-vans with no gun rack and not even a single NRA bumper sticker.

They're always out making provements to their house or their yard and it makes the rest of us look like slobs. I talked to him once an he said he was some kind of engineer. Well I know that's bull because the train ain't been through here since Ike was the presdent.

They have an American flag, I seen it flying last memorial day but it ain't been out once since we was attacked. They lit the place up real purdy like last Christmas but it was all santas and reindeers and such. No nativity scene! You know, come to think of it I ain't never seen em go to church on Sunday morning.

I ain't been since that pansy assed preacher told me I had to leave my gun at home and not get drunk before service but that's a difrent story.

I saw that Bush feller on the TV and he said somethin like "If you ain't fer us, you agin us." Anybody named after a beer is OK by me so I believe everything he says. I figger these people must be part of the Taliban. Hell, they probly git their orders straight from that Osama guy hisself.

I loaded up my deer rifle, put on my huntin suit, the one that's all green and brown so as to blend in, and I set out to dispense some of that intimate justice, or alternate justice or whatever Bush says when he means whup ass. I got myself all situated behind the old chevy, the one with the tree growin' through it, and waited. They was out all evening and I finished a bottle of Jack while I was waitin.

Next thing I know it was morning and my old hound dog was pissin on me. Guess I'll try again tonight. Maybe if I just drink beer I'll still be awake when they git home but nuttin gets me in the mood to whup ass like Jack. Damn.

 
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