By Terry Vanden-Bosch
We will not allow terrorists to frighten us into abandoning
our treasured way of life. We'll fly anytime we want. No U.S.
flight will ever be controlled by the evil ones again. Should
they try, our glorious army will shoot them out of the sky!
So get your ID card out as soon as you enter airport property
and proudly show it to everyone until you are safely strapped
into your seat.
Only those with something to hide have cause for fear. Our
armed guards, finger on trigger and ever alert, will keep
our commercial flights safe. The billions our government has
pledged to airline recovery is not enough. So fly good citizens!
Show these cowards they cannot change us.
Senator John McCain said last week that "Americans should
be afraid right now." But he didn't complete his thought.
Have no fears in your daily life, go to the malls, watch movies
and take your Prozac. Our great Homeland Security Office is
vigilant so we are safe.
The only thing we need fear are those voices of dissent that
would stay us from our honorable world conflict against the
medieval brutes who terrorize us. But we will silence opposition.
We will march into desert and mountain to defend the right
of the U.S. to dictate terms to the rest of the world. We
are light and they are darkness, and our truth will prevail.
A new world order is taking shape and America's shining beacon
of liberty leads the way.
At the helm is our presidential cheerleader who, of necessity,
turns a blind eye to technical solutions to now irrelevant
environmental concerns in order to focus on eliminating terror
in and around Mid East oil fields. We must act now to guarantee
unrestricted future access so we can continue our great tradition
of conspicuous consumption.
Those petty problems of our pre-9/11 world are of little
significance compared to our real chance to control the world's
oil supplies. There will be time enough later to discuss other
concerns. But now there is a war to be won. Focus on the heroics
of our best and brightest and live your lives as you always
We have allowed the media to show you pictures of abandoned
airfields in Afghanistan with motorless planes parked every
which way. Then, as you watched, our Air Force bombs vaporized
them leaving craters in the burnt tarmac. What could make
you prouder than seeing U.S. might decimate the Taliban's
Don't look too closely at what we show you, we'll tell you
what you saw. Then we will link arms and sing all the verses
of the Star Spangled Banner to celebrate our supremacy.
Take pride in our great humanitarian contributions to this
conflict. Only America would think of dropping bombs and bon
bon's simultaneously. What more evidence does the world need
of our compassion and goodness? We even allowed the media
to film some freshly cleaned children and English-speaking
Afghanistan's as they gratefully retrieved our yellow shrink
-wrapped food from a field. They love us for our kindness.
They will all come to recognize the paternal warmth of our
Take comfort from the warnings of terrorism that are issued
weekly. They are designed to help you view our foreign policy
through a self- righteous one- way legal and moral lens while
convincing you that our American values and innocence are
threatened. Use the sharp edge of these warnings to cut through
doubts and concerns until you are mindlessly behind all that
America does. Remember, we do it for your own good.
The mid-east is ripe with opportunities for the discovery,
production, refining and transportation of oil and resources.
We need unimpeded access if we are to realize the conservation-free,
fossil fueled future Americans like Vice President Cheney
Cast aside your fears America. There is much profit to be
made from our losses and we face a long campaign before we
achieve our goals. Our newly matured president understands
this and has begun a fine propaganda program to the youngest
of our citizens. When even the most innocent are motivated
by patriotism to give a dollar so a hungry child can have
peanut butter, what could possibly prevent the adults of America
from surrendering to our greater objectives?
Live America! Spend! Fly! Vacation! Rest comfortably in the
sure knowledge that your government has the wisdom to use
its might for the betterment of corporate interests everywhere.
And that is what makes us strong.
Yours in freedom,
George Rove and Karl Bush