By Terry Vanden-Bosch
My Fellow Americans,
The first shots have been fired in our glorious war of revenge
and justice. And when the announcement came, Americans cheered
and waved their flags in a rush of patriotic frenzy. It was
a sight to behold. Even sports arenas paused to chant the
name of capitalistic glory - America!
Your reaction warmed the hearts of your elected leaders.
We've gladly given you entertainment extravaganzas and a renewed
sense of loyalty in our global superiority. And in return,
you've given us a blank check for our most important war ever.
We thank you from the bottom of our corporate-owned hearts.
The challenge that faces us now is maintaining this glorious
momentum. And we will do our part. We promise to fill the
airwaves with pictures of the ungodly destruction these terra-ists
inflict on our sacred land. We will never let an opportunity
pass to inspire your rage and self- righteous anger. It's
the least we can do.
Our necessary media controls may limit the information you
receive about our military actions, but don't be concerned.
As one of our enlightened congresswomen stated, we must not
let reporters "seesaw on every side, balancing reporting.
That's not democracy." Much of what we must do in this time
of global crusade needs the cover of fog and darkness to achieve
its goal. You don't want the details anyway. You needn't clutter
your minds with troop movements, military budget expenditures
and collateral damage when you can focus on great American
entertainments like network programming.
Show the world you are not afraid. Return to your patriotic
habits of spending, consumption and excess. What is good for
American corporations is good for America. We'll do the heavy
thinking for you. And to keep you up to date we'll write stirring
speeches for delivery by your Commander-in-Chief to the approving
cheers of the network correspondents.
We know your concerns. Our hidden enemy will try to maximize
your fears. But we have fighter jets patrolling our coasts,
National guardsmen checking transportation ports and a Homeland
Security Office that is anticipating their every move. And
should an evil one slip through, the chances are great that
it won't be you who suffers. Their actions will only create
new heroes and opportunities for us to prove the value of
hatred and single- minded revenge. We are the greatest military
power on earth and cannot fail to subdue third world countries
with little electricity and few flushing toilets.
We will prevail. Have no fear when our battles extend beyond
the Afghanistan borders. Those who do not support us do not
deserve the obscene profits they make off our energy needs.
We will bring to reality our master plan for control of the
mid east oil fields.
And someday, in the future, when this war is but a few pages
in the history books you can take pride in knowing your response
to our media campaigns contributed greatly to America's success.
You were a key player in the globalization and profitable
reconstruction of the world's fuel supplies.
God bless you and God bless America.