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To
the Washington Seven: Resign Now!
August 4, 2001
by
Bradford Shaw
Seven prominent Washington figures, career politicians all,
have been a collective thorn in the side of reasonable, even-tempered
Americans for the last few years.
These life-sized caricatures of political buffoonery have
plagued our nation for far too long without restraint and
now their public stupidity must stop.
I hereby call for the resignation of the "Washington Seven"
for the good of our country and the future of the planet.
The Principal Players
1. George W Bush: Not elected fairly, unprepared for the
tough intellectual challenge of the Presidency.
2. Richard Cheney: Picked himself for the office over better
candidates, doesn't have the health, and therefore the stamina
for office.
3. Trent Lott: Every time he opens his mouth, he proves that
he is a simpleton who should be anchoring some rural southern
newscast.
4. Tom Delay: Is intolerance his middle name? Can he ever
remain silent about any issue? Is he an intellectual midget?
5. Bob Barr: With his constant opining as to the honesty
of his opponents, without acknowledging his own dishonesty,
he leads the list for urgent resignation requests.
6. Dan Burton: After hearing about the watermelon episode,
I wonder if this man is sane. That coupled with his need to
subpoena the western world, has him on the Washington Seven
list.
7. Dennis Hastert: Good old Dennis makes the list for his
consistent, and yet quiet, somewhat understated fulfillment
of the Newt Gengrich long range GOP Congressional plan.
The Seven Deadly Sinners
#1-George W Bush
Anyone who has visited this website and checked out the forums
or read any articles from the many varied authors featured
here has a decent grip on the truth of the last election cycle,
and how our illegitimate President stole the assumed office.
First over 50,000 votes were purged from the Florida election
base due to possible behind-the-scenes meddling by highly
partisan Secretary of State Katherine Harris' computer firm.
Then a ballot which was difficult for some older Floridians
to understand was created by a supposedly Democratic official
who was later discovered to have a recent Republican leaning
past.
Still, this wasn't enough, so George Jr. used his trump card,
the Supreme Court, whose majority was hand picked by previous
Republican administrations to assure his questionable Florida
victory.
Resign, George, and let the American people have a President
that was fairly elected.
#2-Richard Cheney
First of all, where is the sense of honor and fairness in
picking yourself when challenged with finding a second in
command for a new administration?
This outmoded unhealthy relic from the Nixon administration
was the best and brightest candidate for the job in a field
of many qualified politicians?
This fellow, who brags to have conducted the Gulf War without
any health problems, never served a day in uniform; electing
to utilize a draft deferment, raise a family and go into politics
rather than serve in the military, is the absolute cream of
the crop where the second-in-command of our nation is concerned?
Then, after overseeing the Department of Defense during the
Gulf war, he decided to go to work for one of the companies
that would profit the most from his inside knowledge of the
area and itıs politics, Halliburton.
When all was said and done, he was several million dollars
richer, like all good Republicans want to be.
This is the experience needed to fill the office of President,
if needed in a crisis?
And what if there were a crisis? Would his poor health prohibit
him from handling the pressures of the daily Presidential
grind?
All of this information is overshadowed by the fact that
he too did not get elected fairly.
Dick Cheney, for the good of the country and your own fragile
health, resign now!
#3-Trent Lott
After years of observing Trent Lott in action, most logical
citizens would agree that his best role would be one of news
anchor in a minor southern media market. His haircuts, off
the rack suits, and public persona would be well suited for
a rural news personality.
In reality, his opinions, and so it follows, his Senatorial
votes, are from another time and another place: that of South-of-the-Mason-Dixon-line
America in the nineteen seventies.
He is perfectly happy with Bill Clinton's bridge into the
twenty-first century, as long as it has a nice turn-around
on the other side so that we can digress back to those nice
old comfortable white dominant days of the distant past.
His idea of progress, so it seems, is a progression backward.
Back to that old time religion, that old time morality, and
that good old boy network that put him in office in the first
place.
Trent Lott, for the sake of progress, and so we never have
to hear the "Singing Senators" again, resign now!
#4-Tom Delay
Space limits the complete listing for why this career politician
should resign.
From his strident attacks on Bill Clinton during the impeachment
debacle, through his misguided and numerous television appearances
throughout the Elian Gonzales episode, and continuing throughout
selection 2000, Tom Delay has proved that he apparently doesn't
have a logical or even tempered approach to anything.
His unconditional response is to oppose anything progressive
or forward thinking with all of his political energy.
In this divided age of forced bi-partisanship, Tom Delay
is a dinosaur; a relic of the bygone days of Newt Gengrich
and the Republican "Contract on America."
Tom Delay, for the sake of the future of our great nation,
resign now!
#5-Bob Barr
This smarmy little pustule of a man is always the first to
call for the resignation of anyone who philosophically opposes
his right-wing, holier-than-thou party line.
Truth be known, Mr. Barr's own past is cluttered with a pattern
of self-centered actions which he, himself would condemn.
He has been a strident opponent of abortion and reproductive
freedom, and yet it has been rumored that he drove his girlfriend
to an abortion clinic, and even paid for the procedure himself.
Later in his political career, he asserted that he was part
of the new, politically equal, racially sensitive Republican
Party; a Party who welcomed all races and creeds. Then, shortly
after that, it was reported that "good old boy" Barr may have
used racial epithets in dealing with parking lot personnel
who weren't moving fast enough in their service to the squat,
balding, squinty congressman.
Bob Barr, for the sake of racial equality, and so we don't
have to see your unattractive countenance on national television
again, resign now!
#6 Dan Burton
Dan Burton has shown, through his own bizarre actions, two
very distinct things to the voting populace.
First, it is notable that early into the Clinton administration,
Burton conducted his own private investigation into the Vince
Foster suicide on his private time and at his private residence.
It is widely known that Representative Burton took several
shots at a watermelon in his own backyard in an effort to
recreate the suicide scene.
This strikes me, and several million other people in this
country, as quite strange.
Second, Mr. Burton has had a record in Washington in recent
years as being "subpoena crazy," having issued subpoenas to
more people than anyone can remember in recent history.
The final straw in his series of inane actions was probably
his expressed desire to subpoena Elian Gonzales to his committee
hearings.
Too much, Mr. Power-wielder.
Dan Burton, for the sake of the dignity of our country, and
because you might actually pose a risk to the safety of the
community and yourself, resign now!
#7 Dennis Hastert
The esteemed Speaker of the House has been, throughout his
term as leader of that august body, a mover behind the scenes.
He has managed to move the Republican, and therefore conservative,
cause forward without the public relations ugliness of Newt
Gengrich.
His Drew Carey's-father looks and semi-quiet mannerisms seem
to have worked their charms with the American public and news
media, while still affording the Speaker an opportunity to
fulfill most of his predecessor's wishes for a right-leaning
Congress.
It is often difficult to spot Hastert at news conferences
and photo-ops, but rest assured that he is indeed hidden away
there somewhere.
Like the truly inspired Saturday Night Live sketch with the
late, great Phil Hartman portraying a simple, honest, straightforward
Reagan to the public, and a power-mad, detail-driven evil
genius in private, Dennis Hastert is directly responsible
through his leadership for many of the worst decisions (too
many to list here) that Congress has made in recent years.
Dennis Hastert, for the sake of the nations need to finally
be rid of Newt and his ilk, and because you unfortunately
would follow in Constitutional order as President if certain
other previously mentioned resignations were forthcoming,
resign now!
Although there are many other people that would serve the
nation best by going home from Washington to sell shoes in
their home towns, such as Dick Armey and Henry Hyde, these
seven anti-patriots could do the absolute immediate most for
their country by calling in their over worked stenographic
staff for some overdue resignation dictation.
So once more I demand of the "Washington Seven," RESIGN NOW!
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