Empire Smokes Crack
June 23, 2001
The Death Star. Cabinet members sit around a black conference
table. Imperial Stormtroopers stand guard around the room,
as cabinet members bicker.
Until the National Missile Defense is fully functional we
are vulnerable. The Rogue States are too well equipped, with
their anthrax and suitcase nukes. They may be more dangerous
then you realize.
Dangerous to your armies, General, not to the NMD.
The Rogue States will continue to gain support in the UN as
speech is cut short as Vice President Cheney enters. He is
followed by his powerful ally, John "Darth" Ashcroft. Cheney
sits at the head of the table as Ashcroft stands behind him.
The UN will no longer be of any concern to us. I have just
received word from the President, we have been expelled from
Council permanently. The UN will shrivel without us. The last
remnants of the Old Democracy have been swept away.
That's impossible! How will the Corporations maintain power
without the bureaucracy?
The overseas subsidiaries have been given direct control over
their territories. Fear will keep the locals in line. Fear
of the NMD.
And what of the Rogue States? If they have obtained a complete
access to the EP-3, it is possible they could find a weakness
and exploit it.
The plane you refer to will soon be back in our hands.
Any attack made by the Rogue States against the NMD would
be a useless gesture, no matter what technological data they've
obtained. The NMD is the ultimate power in the world. I suggest
we use it.
Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've created.
The ability to destroy the planet is insignificant compared
to the power of Our Lord Jesus.
Don't try to frighten us with your fundie ways, Ashcroft.
Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped
you conjure up the stolen EP-3 spy plane or given you clairvoyance
enough to find the the Rogue States' hidden missile silos...
(Suddenly Rumsfeld turns blue and chokes as Ashcroft twists
I find your lack of faith... disturbing.
Enough! Ashcroft, release him!
As you wish. (Rumsfeld drops to the table, gasping for
This bickering is pointless. I will provide the President
with the location of the Rogue States by the time the NMD
is operational. We will then crush them with one swift stroke.
(Everyone in the room laughs evilly.)