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Fill
'Er Up With The Usual
June
14, 2001
by Kurt Kurowski
To paraphrase Ronnie Reagan at his adorable Grandaddy best,
"There they go again!" Gasoline has entered Summer reruns
as its bloated price begins to shrivel faster than Rush Limbaugh's
pecker in an unheated pool. Politicians and angry citizens
everywhere have prompted this suspicious dip by once again
calling for investigations. And, oh yes, prompting comes as
well from divinely inspired action on the part of Sen. J.
Jeffords, patriot and BIG TIME butt-kicker.
Now that Senate Democrats can set the agenda - as well as
set energy execs to scurrying like cockroaches - let's request
they get to the bottom of this mess that first emerged from
the dank swamp otherwise known as the Bush presidential campaign.
That oily beast continues to lumber like an all-purpose bogeyman
through the Bush White House. You know, the scary monster
we should not fear because spurious George, who obeyed his
handlers by wearing a white hat as he headed for Washington,
will be the good guy who saves us with huge tax cuts and more
drilling than Wilt Chamberlain ever dreamed of.
Sigh! My hero George. He looked so dreamy in that moon-colored
Stetson - or was it a Sombrero?
I have my doubts that anyone will be completely successful
in ferreting out the "me wantee more wampum" weasels that
keep gas prices on the move and the state of California in
permanent "Coastal Starlight." I suspect that after the cigarette
industry stood before America with its shorts around its ankles
and its lying butt exposed, more judicious use has been made
of paper shredders across the great American coporate landscape.
But they can try.
I understand that California is offering cash rewards to
those with inside information that will help to prove it's
all a screw-job. Maybe they should offer witness protection
as well. Energy concerns are notorious for responding to unfavorable
comments by way of letters to the editor with cold language
that manages to sound like a threat. The fact that these responses
incorporate mostly spin pales in comparison to the "Karen
Silkwood" chill that slaloms down the slope of your spine
as you read these retorts of barely repressed anger.
My point here is that the industry's negative feelings for
a stool-pigeon are likely to be much, much scarier. While
I encourage those brave enough to do it , most of us aren't
in a position to trade insider secrets for a million bucks.
But from California to Texas, Texas to Vermont, we certainly
can ask our representatives to keep investigating the gas
pumps, meters and power lines for at least as long a time
as the Republican perverts investigated President BC's penis.
Even some of the most apolitical citizens no longer believe
that all this energy crisis nonsense is a result of the market
in action. Indeed, the last investigation showed some fast
ones were being pulled by a segment of the industry, but no
evidence of collusion was found. Well, you'd have to be pretty
dense to leave evidence like that lying around, or to even
think you'd need to check with each other to make sure Industry
insiders Cheney/Bush/Rice/ et al, would do right by you should
you happen to toss them millions of dollars.
In fact I'd say you'd be about as dense as a certain Mr.
you-know-who , whom nevertheless looks sweet as kuchen in
a fetching creamy halo of a cowboy hat that I'm guessing was
picked out by Karen Hughes.
The real energy question is: how long can the Bushmobile
keep running on empty?
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