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A Memo
From Baby Bush
May
24, 2001
intercepted by Rebecca Salcedo
To: Poppy
From:
Dubya
Re:
This sucky job!!!!!!
Poppy I
am really, really, really mad at you! You said it would be
fun to be President, but it really, really, really, really,
really, sucks! This job sucks for the reasons below:
1) Dicky
got the big pretty office and I got an old card table in the
broom closet.
2) Folks
keeps pickin on me cause those dang A-rabs keep causin gas
prices to rise.
a)
When I thought we could drill in that reserve in Alaska them
dang enviro-mentalists tore me a new one. Who cares about
those smelly fleabags anyway? Just gimme my lucky shotgun-bang,
bang, bang - that'll learn'em!
b)
Jebby won't let me drill in Florida! Now, this really steams
me!!! Ain't I the President? Ain't he my bother? Ain't I older?
Shouldn't he be on my side? Ain't he a Republican? I hope
Janet Reno whoops his butt big time!!
Dang
I lost count!
- Them
dang Chinese won't give me my plane back! Its my plane not
theirs! I want it back, dangit!!!!!!!!!
- Folks
are blamin me cause we got kicked off of the Un-Human Rights
Commission. I don't know what the big deal is. Why would
we wanna be on an Un-Human commission anyway?
- Folks
are callin me a hippocrat (I'm not sure what this means
- somethin like a hippo and a dang Democrat, I suppose.
Anyway, it doesn't sound good!) cause Dicky invited some
moneybags over to his house the other night. I don't know
why I should get into trouble cause Dicky did somethin stupid!
I thought he was supposed to keep me out of trouble?
- Them
dang Democrats in Congress are holdin up my tax bill. Dicky
sez they're lovin it to death. I didn't understand that
at first. Let me tell you, it gave me one heck of a headache
tryin to figger why them dang Democrats were holdin up my
bill if they loved it. Then Dicky explained that 'lovin'
means they are attachin a whole bunch of silly addments
to it so folks won't vote for it. That's a dang sneaky thing
to do! (And all this time I thought 'lovin' was what me
and Laury do on Friday nights - heh, heh)
- And worst
of all, that dang Senator from Vermont sez he's not gonna
be a Republican no more. He's goin Independent and joinin
up with them dang Democrats. All cause some ninny forgot
to invite him to some a lawn party. Dicky sez that means
them dang Democrats will be in charge of the Senate and
they are gonna give me even more trouble with my bills.
Dang, Dang, Dang!!!!!! I'm gonna change his nickname to
Dang Democrat - that'll learn 'em!
So, Poppy
- with all due respect - you can take this job and stuff it!
Let Dicky be President. He's bossy and won't let me do anything
anyway. I wanna go back to Texas and run my baseball team.
That was fun!!!
PS: I get
to keep the big plane with the comfy chairs, right?
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