Guy is Better than Your Guy
by Steven C. Day
Memo to all dittoheads and freepers:
So you say Bill Clinton was a bad president? Well, guess
what guys, your man is in office now. And I hate to break
it to you, but that means you no longer have the luxury of
just mindlessly attacking the other side (even though we know
that's one of your best things). Instead, you have to start
defending your own guy. Good luck!
In honor of your new role, let's take a look at just how
well your guy (George W. Bush) stacks up against my guy (Bill
My guy won two presidential elections; Your guy won one
My guy won by counting votes; Your guy won by not counting
My guy works long hours; Your guy takes long naps.
My guy has a problem with sex; Your guy has a problem with
the English language.
My guy signed the Brady Bill; Your guy signed a political
blank check to the NRA.
My guy put more cops on the streets; Your guy put more
arsenic in the drinking water.
My guy helped advance the peace process in Northern Ireland;
Your guy thinks Northern Ireland is in South America.
My guy is one of the great public speakers of our time;
Your guy may be dyslexic.
My guy loved to fence with the press; Your guy is afraid
to hold a news conference.
My guy gave us the strongest economy in recent times; Your
guy helped to junk it by talking it down.
My guy is a self made man; Your guy is a son.
My guy (supposedly) sold access to the Lincoln bedroom
for campaign contributions; Your guy (unquestionably) sold
out the environment and worker safety for campaign contributions.
My guy knew most federal programs in detail; Your guy didn't
know Social Security was a federal program.
My guy has a problem with micro-managing; Your guy has
a problem with micro-thinking.
My guy lied about having an affair; Your guy lied about
fighting potentially catastrophic global warming.
My guy is widely respected in foreign countries; Your guy
is widely ridiculed in foreign countries.
My guy ended deficit spending; Your guy's budget proposal
would bring it back.
My guy protected millions of acres of wilderness land;
Your guy is protecting the interests of the developers who
want to mine, drill and cut trees there.
My guy didn't inhale back in college; Your guy didn't read
back in college.
My guy was constantly attacked by the press and still had
historically high approval ratings; Your guy has received
a free pass from the press and still has historically high
Whether you believe it or not, I don't worship Bill Clinton.
On the whole, he was a damn good president, but he made some
mistakes. And he often didn't go as far as I would have liked
in fighting for social justice in the United States. However,
compared to your guy he looks like a combination of the best
features of George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Franklin Roosevelt,
Winston Churchill and Albert Einstein.
So good luck dittoheads and freepers in your new life's work
as the clean up crew for George the Lesser - God knows he'll
need your services.