April 19, 2001
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Once upon a time, there was an election for president between two guys.
One was a career politician who had a bad break by serving as vice president
to a man who proved to be a decent president but a lousy husband. He also
had questions to answer, but never did, concerning his fund raising practices
even though they were the same as everybody else's.
The other candidate didn't like to talk about what he did before he reached
the age of 40. Apparently though, he behaved like a spoiled, rich brat.
Parties, DUI's, businesses bought by his parents which he screwed up...y'know,
So then election night came. The "veep" guy was pronounced winner of
a state that's run by the brother of the rich kid. Then the rich kid's
brother got on the phone with his cousin (who happened to be a big shot
at a big TV network) and said, "Do something!"
So that TV network said the rich kid was the winner of the brother's
state. Before you knew it, nobody knew what was going on.
So then they had to recount the votes. And then count them again. Then
they found out that there were votes that were never counted in the first
place. That's because the machines couldn't count them.
So the veep guy said, "Let's let the people count them." But the rich
kid said "no, because I don't trust the people to be fair." Then the people
said, "We're going to count them anyway" so the rich kid went to the court
to make them stop. And they did.
Meanwhile, a lady with bad make-up and a chance to get a really good
job if the rich kid won went on TV and said "the rich kid won." But the
veep guy said it wasn't fair because not all the votes had been counted
so he had to go to court and that court said to count the votes. Then
the rich kid said, "That's not fair because if they count the votes, the
veep guy will win because those people don't like me and besides the lady
with the bad make-up who I'm going to give a really good job to said I
Then the really important court in the rich brother's state said "Count
the doggone votes!" So the rich kid went to the biggest court in all the
land and they said "Stop counting!" Meanwhile, other courts were saying
that it was okay for the rich kid's friends to do bad things to ballot
applications even though the veep guys friends weren't allowed to do the
same things. Things were getting really messy.
The rich kid's friends were calling the veep guy bad names and all the
people who didn't like the bad husband president believed them because
they weren't very smart to begin with. Then the big court from the rich
kid's brother's state said, "Time to count the votes." So the rich kid
went back to the biggest court in the land to complain. And a judge from
that court, who had two sons who were really good friends and in business
with the rich kids lawyers said "Stop counting because then the rich kid
won't win anymore!"
So the people had to stop counting again! Would they ever find out who
really won the rich kid's brother's state? Meanwhile, the lawmakers from
the rich kid's brother's state said, "We don't care what's fair or if
votes are counted! We're going to give it to the rich kid!" Even though
that most of the people in the land wanted the veep guy, these lawmakers
said, "so what?"
Then a mean lady from a northern state said that she thought all the
uncounted votes should be locked up so it didn't make the rich kid look
bad when everybody found out that he didn't really win his brother's state.
Other bad people thought she had a good idea. The biggest court in the
land wanted, unbelievably, to know why it was so important for every vote
to be counted! See, a lot of the judges were given their jobs by the rich
kid's father's boss who was none too bright to begin with! He was a silly
old man used to say trees caused pollution and homeless people were homeless
because they wanted to be!
He was really stupid. But the same people who voted for the rich kid
thought the silly old man was really great! Anyway, the biggest court
decided that it was more important for the rich kid to be elected than
for all the people to be heard from. They said there just wasn't enough
time to do things fairly.
So the veep guy had to give up while the rich kid told the people that
everybody had to like him now because he was the boss and if they didn't
like him they would be to blame for everything he did wrong. And the moral
.........Majority Loses (only in America)
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