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The Mouthpiece
March 31, 2001
by Jerry Fees
Listening to Ari "The Mouthpiece" Fleischer on Thursday
at the so called press briefing, I never felt better about
my vote for Al Gore. As I was listening to him duck and dodge,
I wondered if the "average Joe", who voted for old 5/4, ever
felt worse about the way he voted. Wasn't this occupant of
the White House supposed to be bringing back dignity and honor
to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.? Forget dignity and honor! What
about the occasional straight answer?
You could just hear the frustration in the voices of the
reporters trying to tie The Mouthpiece down to when was the
next time Shrub would bring his cue cards down to try and
dodge some questions. Slippery Ari must have used the word
"accessible" ten times in two minutes. He insists the Resident
is "accessible". He answers questions "on the fly" - on a
daily basis, by golly.
This recent appearance of The Traveling Shrub's Comedy Review
means he has now slipped down twice in the last ten weeks,
with his cue cards and two minute warning, to duck, dodge
and clown in front of whatever reporters were present at the
time. If that's not "accessible", then what is? He appeared
in public with two, count them two, foreign leaders and answered
questions for all the world to see. He might even try it with
that guy from Germany, whatever his name is. Ari wasn't sure
if Shrub might not be the most "accessible" Resident of all
time.
The Mouthpiece was repeatedly pressed about ongoing appearances
by the "misunderestimated one" and he assured reporters that
the "hit and run" style Bush has demonstrated so far is all
they're going to see and he was sure that was "good enough"
for the American people. Having watched Bush get selected,
and now having observed the first ten weeks of his so called
administration, it becomes apparent that anything can become
so as long as you say that it is so often enough.
Bush can be "accessible", even though he's in his office
hiding behind Cheney's draft dodging skirt, as long as you
say he's "accessible" often enough. After all, we know these
are honorable and good men because they told us they were.
It doesn't make any difference how many lies they've told
or that they both dodged their service in Viet Nam. During
the election they told us they were the good guys so that
must make it so. We'll "leave no children behind" because
we say we won't. So what if they've got to drink poison water
and breathe polluted air? At least we won't leave them behind.
Wait until we get a look at the budget proposals of "His
Illegitimacy". It won't make any difference which programs
fall victim to the need to budget for his pay back scheme.
We won't be "leaving those children behind" because we say
we won't. The Resident is concerned about our air because
Ms. New Jersey says he is. "He's very committed to that discussion"
because she says he is. It doesn't make any difference that
HE LIED. It doesn't make any difference that he's letting
the coal industry roll all over him and all over the average
Joe in the name of corporate profits because "he's very committed
to that discussion", because he says he is. I wonder if she
likes her new role as Dubya's doormat?
What exactly is a "Compassionate Conservative" I wonder?
Is that someone who can stand bad water and bad air in the
name of corporate profits? Is that someone who can stand reductions
in programs for children in order that there be enough for
tax breaks for the rich? Is a "Compassionate Conservative"
someone who wants to see the labor unions and the labor movement
destroyed? Someone who would rather the average Joe go back
to working for $5 an hour in a $15 an hour economy? Are the
average Joes, who voted for Bush in the first place, proud
of themselves after just ten weeks? Are you feeling even a
little betrayed by his slipperiness? Doesn't it bother you
that he or his people won't answer a "straight question" with
a "straight answer"? Is this "politics as usual" or what?
Is this the "new tone" we were going to get in Washington?
What would have been the "Compassionate Conservative" response
to allegations that Chelsea Clinton was toasting a little
herb on the weekends? Do you suppose they would have said
nothing? Where's all that moral outrage now? Maybe there's
no inhaling going on. Can you say hypocrite?
Wasn't Shrub going to be a force for unity as opposed to
division? Who is the real advocate of "class warfare" here?
Is it the union worker looking for a little relief from repetitive
stress injuries or is it the corporate shill looking for ways
to pay back the $400 million he borrowed to steal the election?
Is the "class warrior" the Republican who helped slam Bush's
tax scheme through the House or is it Vice President Joe Lieberman
who advocates that every tax payer, rich or poor, get an equal
immediate refund of $300? We're at war all right but it's
not us little guys that are waging it.
Don Eberly says we're postponing the "faith based initiative".
The Mouthpiece says we can't be postponing what we never set
a start date for. What is the definition of "is" Ari? You
guys sound like you're still on the campaign trail blowing
smoke. Don't you realize the game is afoot and you're the
only show in town now? In case you haven't looked, Ari and
Georgie, everybody is watching. You can run but you can't
hide. We're only ten weeks in and your act is growing stagnant
and stale. Frustration has begun to set in and tempers have
begun to fray.
The press corps that warmed to The Pretender in the beginning
is starting to get a little anxious for something to actually
write about now and The Mouthpiece is on his tenth round of
the same old lame excuses. My guess would be it should get
real interesting sometime soon. It didn't take Jeanne Dixon
to see this one coming.
Al Gore looks pretty good to me right now. He may have sold
his soul but it was to the masses and not the few. It's obvious
who's calling the shots right now and it's not the fifty million
who voted for Gore or even about forty million of the ones
who voted for old 5/4.
Jerry Fees is a freelance writer from Des Moines, IA.
Comments or Complaints: JerFees@angelfire.com
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