Rush Limbaugh's Six Steps To Defeat a Liberal
March 21, 2001
by Neuvocat

Folks, those pesky liberals just don't know when to quit, do they? After Bush's glorious election victory you'd think they'd stop their whining and protesting. So if you're tired of hearing them moan and complain about how Algore really "won," here's my plan in six easy steps on how to defeat a liberal and beat them at their own game. Follow these steps and we will not only prolong our occupation in Washington but also continue goose-stepping - I mean "marching" - towards freedom from barriers like legal ethics and moral restraints.

1) Try to avoid any arguments involving facts. While liberals can't deal with character-assassination, they can see through lies like Swiss cheese. Hmm... Swiss cheese. Some really expensive European crackers would be nice too. Preferably the Austrian kind. And maybe for dessert a half-gallon of ice-cream. Yeah, some of that Haagen Daaz vanilla-and-pistachio would go down a treat right now...

2) If you manage to get cornered in an argument by a liberal, deny every fact as just something the Liberal Media conjures up. Give them opinions disguised as facts such as this one: George W. Bush is more his own man than his daddy ever was.

3) If that doesn't work, start speaking loudly and don't give them a chance to speak. Since liberals have too much respect for others, they will be too polite to do the same. Don't let them get a word in edge-wise so that way they'll change the subject or walk away. It's more than just a delaying tactic. It's a lost cause that you have won!

4) If that still doesn't work and the liberal sees that you have no real argument, then just tell them that if you work hard, make money and spend it on your yacht instead of giving it to charities that support those lazy people like the homeless, the elderly and the handicapped, then you will become a worthwhile member of society. Liberals will not understand this special Limbaugh blend of Social Darwinism and Christianity and will just stand there shaking their little progressive heads. As they're overwhelmed by sheer force of reasoning you can start the process again starting at #2.

5) If that doesn't work, condemn them as being the sole source of all the problems of the world. Include all the events from the time of Adam and Eve to the Clinton Administration.

6) If you've gotten this far then you're starting to self-destruct. The liberal is starting to make you realize that you couldn't believe your own so-called "values" either. However you can't admit to being wrong, which is a big no-no since you'd have to admit that keeping so much wealth and resources is wrong. Then the common folk would be entitled to their fair share. If that happens you'd be forced to live with realization that you aren't better than anyone else.So when all else fails, resort to violence. Be sure to use some sort of a weapon or try to outnumber your opponent. You'll also be able to afford a better lawyer than the liberal when this all reaches the level of a civil lawsuit.

However if you're one of those losers who doesn't have the money to hire a decent lawyer, you should keep your malice in check until you can strike back without being identified. People may call you a ditto-head for that but true conservatives like myself, Scalia, Rehnquist, Thomas, and O'Connor will forgive you for being poor. We'd still have nothing to do with you in public but privately in our hearts (which have none of that messy blood, unlike the liberals) you will be our own Conservative Ninja.

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