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Billy
Tauzin Calls A Witness
by Art
Bushwald
From the beginning, Republican Congressman Billy Tauzin has
made it clear that his hearing have a political angle. He
believes early projections in the East contributed to some
Republican Congressional losses in the West. "I take
that very personally," he said.
Mr. Tauzin may well have been correct, if this heart-wrenching
testimony by Bobby Wayne Bobbins of Pistolwhip, Texas, is
any indication:
"Well, sir, on election day I was sittin in the livin'
room a-polishin' my huntin' rifle, cuz I wanted ta have it
all nice an' shiny-lookin' in the back of my truck when I
went down ta vote. Then my woman Ethyl comes in an' turns
on the tube.
"Well, sir, we saw some dadburned right-wing liberal
freak a-sayin that Florida had done voted fer that Gore fella,
an' I thought, "Shoot fire! If Dubya cain't win the whole
dadgummed Confederacy, then he ain't got a snowball's chance
ta win! So what the heck's the point of going out an' votin,
if the whole dadburned election's done been decided?
"An' even though Rush said ta vote fer ALL the guys
with a "R" by their name, heck fire, there weren't no other
elections that interrested me none. All I wanted ta do was
cast my vote fer Dubya, an' here this liberal pot-smokin'
tree-hugger on the tube was a-sayin' that Florida's done been
won by Gore.
"So I decided, ta heck with it, Texiz is gonna vote
fer Dubya anyways, so I'm just gonna stay home and shoot me
some varmints. But I woudda voted if that heathen Commie on
the tube hadn't said that Gore had won Florida. It's all his
fault, dadblame it!"
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