1. jeez. I know. when you most needed a ton of support and love.
The victim ends up being blamed, almost no matter
what.. because of the after-effects, and how they scar
your life and social relationships. Survivors of sexual
assault, especially of ongoing abuse, become strange
people. Peculiar. Secretive, sad, angry, depressed,
odd. I couldn't speak
for many years throughout childhood and beyond.
Barely, I mean. It was as if there were something
choking me. All the words and feelings couldn't
come out. I was almost always disoriented for one
reason or another. I hated myself because I was
weak, and weird, and choked.
The victims become the weird ones, or the bad,
incorrigible ones. They are shamed in the family
and in the world around. They are punished or
ridiculed, or both. They are lonely. We can often
recognize each other, because the manifestations
are nearly universal, if you know what to look
And I've thought about this a lot, the cycle of
abuse and healing. How we use our damage to
help ourselves and others. I see a weird person
now, & don't see a weird person; I see myself.
I see a man or woman or child, I see a child
who has been profoundly hurt, and been carrying
profound loneliness his/her whole life. I see a
need for kindness, patience, and support.
And when I love, it makes me strong, it makes me heal.