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Response to boston bean (Original post)

Thu Apr 4, 2013, 12:06 AM

9. "We're your allies"

How many times have we heard that Democratic men are our allies by virtue of voting D? Someone asked me what issues they disagree with me on. My response below points to my pet peeve about the assumption that I should credit someone with being an ally just because he posts on this site. Firstly, I don't know how they vote, but even if he votes for Democrats, a vote is only the start. There are core issues I care about that they do not.

EEOC laws are one. Few in the Richards threads seem to think EEOC laws are legitimate. Labor attorneys have argued that she was illegally fired
(http://www.rmlawyers.com/blog/2013/03/sendgrids-unlawful-and-retaliatory-termination-of-adria-richards.shtml), but dozens here seem to think she deserved what was coming to her and aren't at all concerned with rape and death threats against her.

Some obviously don't see wage inequality as an issue. I've seen someone here argue that it's unfair that white men are the only demographic who earn less than their parents and that women are unfairly compensated in the workforce.

Rape and domestic violence doesn't concern them. Several men have told me women in this country don't face real sexism. The fact that we are killed at rates higher than in much of the world and that 1 in 3 women are raped or abused by their partners incur concern from very few. In fact, I've seen responses arguing that expressing frustration over such conditions is itself misandry. In fact, I would submit that there are men here who see feminism itself as misandry, at least feminism that challenges them in any way. Then there is the complete absence of concern about human trafficking and slavery and their relationship to pornography and prostitution. Those are women who are kept in bondage, raped, and killed. No one is going to say they think rape or slavery is okay; they just can't be bothered to care. Moreover, they strike out against those who discuss the topic as misandrists, as this very thread does. The idea that the take away from an epidemic of violence against women is to worry about men's feelings because of something someone might have once said is willfully hostile and dismissive of rape survivors. A few here even go so far as to be deliberately cruel to survivors. That is a characteristic that defies all comprehension. Yes, I could provide many examples but I won't do so because that makes people very, very angry.

Truthfully, on issues of rape, violence, and interpersonal relations, I see no correlation between political affiliation and views on women. There are no studies showing that Republicans are more likely to rape, beat, or kill their partners. There is a correlation on abortion rights, but other than that I can't think of an issue where party affiliation matters. Perhaps you'll be able to point some out to me.

People have lots of reasons for how they vote. Women's issues rate very low for most men. Most are Democrats for other reasons, which is entirely their prerogative. I, however, resent being told I'm supposed to see them as allies when they oppose everything that matters to me-- equal work for equal pay, gun control, greater attention to issues of rape and violence against women. If they can't support laws providing for a workplace free of discrimination, laws passed under Republican congresses and administrations, how are they my allies? If it's campaign season and I'm knocking on doors, I'm thrilled they are voting for a Democrat. Of course in my city you have to walk a long way to find a Republican, but still I'm thrilled they aren't one of those few. Other than that, I have nothing in common with the most vocal anti-feminists on this site. Prior to the Adria Richards threads I would have said they are a small minority. I expect they still are a minority, but not as small as I hoped. It's clear to me these individuals---which, by the way, include some women--don't share my core commitment to human equality. Without that, there can be no common ground. I'm happy about that D vote, but they aren't my peers, friends, or allies.

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boston bean Apr 2013 OP
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DURHAM D Apr 2013 #8
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