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DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Topics » Gender & Orientation » Feminists (Group) » Rest in peace Amanda. Bu... » Reply #8

Response to Catherina (Original post)

Sat Oct 13, 2012, 04:37 PM

8. I just had to explain to a 17 year old on my Facebook

(and the teenagers on her feed) why it was wrong to blame the poor girl for the actions of other people, and equally wrong to hold the single mistake she made at 12 to a higher standard than the long, repeated mistakes her peers knowingly inflicted on her. My head aches now.

Awful, awful situation all the way around.

ETA this just crossed my path right after I got out of that discussion, and it hits on all the relevant points:
http://www.vancouverobserver.com/blogs/feminista/why-isnt-anyone-talking-about-misogyny-involved-amanda-todds-life-and-death

“There was no discussion of the pressure girls like Amanda experience to measure their worth through their sexual desirability. From her story it sounds like this man had the hallmarks of a predator—he tried to use her photos to blackmail her and yet she's the one who got blamed. This comes from the idea that it's up to girls and women to protect their purity at the same time as all their role models in the media say that you need to ‘get a man’ to be a complete person, that you need to be sexually attractive to be liked, appreciated, and valued. She said the guy she showed off to was telling her how beautiful she was. Given our culture that can be really tempting for a girl.”

Ah yes, context. In a context in which women are told in manifold ways that everything about them is wrong— their emotions, their bodies, their fat, their lack of fat, their developing, their aging—when someone comes along and tells you that you are perfect and beautiful, that’s some powerful stuff.

This man’s intention, when he threatened Todd with exposure of the coercive images, was to make Todd feel like a whore. The weapon that this man was able to rely on was the judgment of our society. Under our unequal social and economic conditions, the stakes are higher when a woman falls out of favour with her community. For a girl or woman, falling out of favour with her community can mean a sentence to a nightmarish cycle of distress.

If we diffuse the judgment, and look at the behaviour of the attacker, we can weaken the attack. We need less focus on “the mistake” and more on the sexism in our society that this man wielded—successfully—to rid the planet of another young woman.

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Catherina Oct 2012 OP
Doctor_J Oct 2012 #1
johnlucas Oct 2012 #2
caseymoz Oct 2012 #4
johnlucas Oct 2012 #5
caseymoz Oct 2012 #6
johnlucas Oct 2012 #7
caseymoz Oct 2012 #9
johnlucas Oct 2012 #10
caseymoz Oct 2012 #13
regnaD kciN Oct 2012 #35
johnlucas Oct 2012 #36
caseymoz Oct 2012 #3
Catherina Oct 2012 #15
LineReply I just had to explain to a 17 year old on my Facebook
LadyHawkAZ Oct 2012 #8
Zorra Oct 2012 #11
Starry Messenger Oct 2012 #12
Catherina Oct 2012 #14
johnlucas Oct 2012 #20
Catherina Oct 2012 #21
johnlucas Oct 2012 #23
KatyaR Oct 2012 #27
Gormy Cuss Oct 2012 #22
johnlucas Oct 2012 #24
Gormy Cuss Oct 2012 #34
johnlucas Oct 2012 #48
Gormy Cuss Oct 2012 #49
johnlucas Oct 2012 #54
Gormy Cuss Oct 2012 #60
johnlucas Oct 2012 #26
LadyHawkAZ Oct 2012 #28
johnlucas Oct 2012 #30
LadyHawkAZ Oct 2012 #32
johnlucas Oct 2012 #33
LadyHawkAZ Oct 2012 #37
johnlucas Oct 2012 #45
LadyHawkAZ Oct 2012 #46
johnlucas Oct 2012 #55
Zorra Oct 2012 #50
johnlucas Oct 2012 #51
Zorra Oct 2012 #52
johnlucas Oct 2012 #53
Zorra Oct 2012 #58
johnlucas Oct 2012 #59
MadrasT Oct 2012 #56
Catherina Oct 2012 #16
Catherina Oct 2012 #17
johnlucas Oct 2012 #25
Catherina Oct 2012 #18
Catherina Oct 2012 #19
Catherina Oct 2012 #29
LadyHawkAZ Oct 2012 #38
Catherina Oct 2012 #39
Catherina Oct 2012 #43
LadyHawkAZ Oct 2012 #44
Blue_Tires Oct 2012 #57
Batman bin Suparman Oct 2012 #47
Catherina Oct 2012 #31
smirkymonkey Mar 2013 #61
Catherina Mar 2013 #63
Catherina Oct 2012 #40
Catherina Oct 2012 #41
smirkymonkey Mar 2013 #62
Catherina Mar 2013 #64
Catherina Oct 2012 #42
TeeYiYi Mar 2013 #65
polly7 Apr 2014 #66
Catherina Apr 2014 #67
LadyHawkAZ Apr 2014 #68
polly7 Apr 2014 #69
LadyHawkAZ Apr 2014 #70
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