My dad called from out of the blue the other day. We hadn't spoken since my niece's wedding

[HillWilliam]

71. Hey, buddy

Thanks for your response. Yeah, we do seem to have similar histories. My experience differs a bit in that I didn't want "any" dad -- I wanted my own back. It took a long time to me to see that was never going to happen.

To his credit, my granddad stepped in as my father-figure. Granddad Luke was my best buddy, confidente, Keeper of Secrets, steady guide, and prankin' buddy away from my grandmother's (evil) watchful eye. He wasn't always able to protect me from her abuse (she was as sneaky as she was abusive), but he did his best to make it up to me when he caught her and to get me away from her as much as could be done. When he passed, they could have thrown me in the hole with him. I lost my bud and surrogate dad.

Much later in life my father and I worked on building some kind of friendship. It figures he reached out back to me in earnest when he found himself terminally ill with no one else to stick up for him but me. There were some more pretty bad bumps along that road, but at the end of the day I'd rather have some good memories of him than to have that gaping hole unfilled.

The only advice I could give (if it might be of value to you) is to make a friendship while you still can. It's better to have some peace, some friendship, some positive memories than to leave a load of "what if's" in your heart unanswered.

Peace to you, my friend. If y'ever need to chat, PM me.