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Reply #64


Response to Demeter (Original post)

Sat Dec 31, 2011, 03:55 PM

64. A bad day at the orifice. Think your job is bad?

Found this in the Planet Proctor column in Funny Times. By Phil Proctor.


Bob is a commercial diver for Global Divers in Louisiana, repairing offshore drilling rigs. Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister who submitted it to a radio station in Fort Wayne, IN, for a "worst job experience" contest. (she won)


"As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of the year the water is quite cool. So, what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel-powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose..."

"All of a sudden my butt started to itch. So, of course I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit....

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into the crack of my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemna over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other divers, was laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonizing inwater decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt was swollen shut. So, the next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.

Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job. I love my job. I love my job.



Jellyfish to all politicians and banksters!

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