What's your most embarrassing moment from grammar school ?

[Ron Obvious]

4. I was teacher's pet

I didn't want to be, but I was teacher's pet.

During a lesson on penmanship, I deliberately destroyed my lesson booklet because I had been trying so hard to fail and was getting passing grades no matter how badly I did.

When the teacher, stunned and outraged (she was 175 years old and had her hair in a bun) asked what the fuck I was thinking (I think those were the words she used), I told her I really want to earn a failing grade for once in my life.

She wrote "This is the failing grade Ronnie so desperately wanted to get" on my lesson booklet and made me stand in the corner for several years. She also contacted my parents, who - to their credit - thought it was really funny.

I later returned and machine-gunned the entire school. I mean, be fair, they had it coming.