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Honeycombe8

(37,648 posts)
95. I apologize for the preachiness.
Mon May 13, 2013, 10:52 PM
May 2013

Thanks for not hitting me hard with that. I may have gotten carried away because your situation reminded me so much of my older sister's. I and others in my family didn't recognize the danger in my sister's situation. When Mom died, though, we recognized that Sis had never been totally on her own. She didn't know how to do that. She'd always had Mom to save her from any situation, or even blame when things went wrong. She was incapable of living on her own, much less moving somewhere to a better economy. She would've told you that she's mature, that she didn't miss out on life lessons. But she had, of course. And it was too late. People don't want to put up with a middle aged person just learning about how to put up with irritating coworkers or handling a car repair or whatever. She's never had to put up with things because she needed the paycheck (because she didn't really need the paycheck...she had Mom as a fallback).

By "maturity," I didn't mean the way a person acts. I mean inside. The ability to cope and deal and handle situations on a higher level than, say, age 20. And I don't mean cooking and cleaning, although that's part of it. It's a million little things that a person learns when living as an adult, on his own. And knowing that you HAVE to make something work. One day you'll have children, I guess. How can you care for them, if you've never cared totally for yourself?

If you don't live on your own, you cannot know what you don't know about that experience. You could still have your parent(s) around, but have your own place. I also wanted to warn you about the approach of 40. I remember being your age. 40 seemed a long way away. But it comes around sooner than you think.

You sound like a great guy who has great parents who love you. As for girls, once you move out on your own, I suggest an online dating service. I've known several people who have met their spouses that way. It really is a good way to meet specific women. Better than bars. But when I was 30, I probably wouldn't have been interested in a man who still lived at home. You're lucky...men have it pretty easy when it comes to the opposite sex. You don't have to be gorgeous, have a great body, or a lot of things that women have to have. The #1 things men have to have, IMO: Personality (there's a reason that women like comedians); good job (you don't have to be rich, but helps to have to have a vocation, a skill... some way to make a living - after all, men know from birth that they will have to make a living...if I could make a living with a decent vocation, and I wasn't even raised to do that, I am perplexed by men who don't do that). I have met all sorts of men, even men with disabilities, who have met and married nice looking women. Women are attracted to hard working, good men, who are confident, make them laugh, fun to be around, are considerate, nice enough looking, decent enough body...you get the idea.

If you are running into women who want flashy cars...run for the hills. That's not gf material. If all you want is a lay...head to the bars. If you act confidant enough, can take rejection, and if you buy her a few drinks, you're bound to get lucky. You have to be able to take rejection, though. My ex could give you lessons in that. Rejection? Ha! Persistence was his middle name. A natural born salesman. He called me a number of times before I'd agree to go out with him (he was younger). He got me to go out with him, fall in love with him, and marry him. And then divorce him.

Use the talents listed Betsy Ross May 2013 #1
Hah my father has suggested I should work out a comedy routine and try it out.. Locut0s May 2013 #2
Write a humerous book - then self-publish on somplace like Amazon. Sell at a low patricia92243 May 2013 #85
Don't give up hope..I firmly believe there is someone for everyone HipChick May 2013 #3
i have a soulmate out there somewhere datasuspect May 2013 #6
I'm not a relationship expert, but I would have to guess Dash87 May 2013 #4
Yeah that would indeed by the biggest reason lol. I need to fix... Locut0s May 2013 #24
It's always easy to fix people's problems Victor_c3 May 2013 #53
"I need to fix my depression and anxiety issues first I think." That's probably the biggest mistake Cal33 May 2013 #67
Probably true, I just need to fucking live!... Locut0s May 2013 #77
Yes. Just jump in and live. As for mistakes and failures, we all make them. They Cal33 May 2013 #80
as far as i know talors511 May 2013 #49
bro: datasuspect May 2013 #5
Yes I think I do need to concentrate on myself first. Thanks. Locut0s May 2013 #25
:thumbsup: Heidi May 2013 #54
Of course! Have you tried joining any groups that include women? riderinthestorm May 2013 #7
This is true. Though my interests are mainly cerebral or nerdy which makes it a little harder... Locut0s May 2013 #26
I met my wife playing D and D sigmasix May 2013 #48
I'd say work on your other issues first Lydia Leftcoast May 2013 #8
Thanks for the reply... Locut0s May 2013 #27
Sure. Neoma May 2013 #9
Thanks! Indeed what I'm looking for really is a friend. Someone I can share my life with... Locut0s May 2013 #28
You do realize... Wait Wut May 2013 #10
Right now it's not financially feasible... Locut0s May 2013 #29
Go to Lisdoonvarna County Clare Ireland in September. Denis 11 May 2013 #11
Find other people of a like mind... Taverner May 2013 #12
C'mon, girls! He's Canadian! KamaAina May 2013 #13
LOL a marriage of convenience to get an American into Canada... Locut0s May 2013 #30
Alas, I'm not sure anyone would be interested my plodding USA self KamaAina May 2013 #37
I'm a 28-year-old dude, never been in a relationship, not a virgin but have little experience. nomorenomore08 May 2013 #14
I'm gonna be a little blunt but (I hope) helpful. noamnety May 2013 #15
Don't worry you weren't blunt... Locut0s May 2013 #31
no, it isn't a natural part of growing up RILib May 2013 #52
Yes, there's definitely hope. But you have to be willing to be creative and take chances. nolabear May 2013 #16
Thanks. Taking chances has never been my strong suit. I need to remedy this. nt. Locut0s May 2013 #32
Try making friends with some women. Just get to know them. LiberalEsto May 2013 #17
Indeed I need to get out and start making friends first and foremost... Locut0s May 2013 #33
OK, Dude, you've heard from most of the Moondog May 2013 #18
Good advice right there. Even assuming #1 isn't feasible, the rest is pretty solid. nomorenomore08 May 2013 #19
Well that is certainly telling it like it is! n/t Sekhmets Daughter May 2013 #21
Your advise isn't harsh at all... Locut0s May 2013 #34
Wow, you seem to have many of the same problems and advantages I have RFKHumphreyObama May 2013 #20
Thanks, you too :D Locut0s May 2013 #35
I sent you a PM tabbycat31 May 2013 #22
Of course there's hope LadyHawkAZ May 2013 #23
Thank you. I need to keep on trucking on as they say... Locut0s May 2013 #36
Depression and anxiety can't leave with a snap of your fingers. Neoma May 2013 #38
Thank you for that Neoma... Locut0s May 2013 #39
Finding companionship can be part of that LadyHawkAZ May 2013 #45
in addition to the good advice you've gotten here... steve2470 May 2013 #40
Yes I'm trying to set up a meeting with a therapist again... Locut0s May 2013 #41
Try a Google search for Vancouver + mental health + clinic or some combo like that steve2470 May 2013 #42
The pills stop you from sliding deeper into depression, but to really get over it Lydia Leftcoast May 2013 #43
exactly steve2470 May 2013 #44
i choose to call your anxiety and depression sensitivity . olddots May 2013 #46
On that "excellent sense of humor" thing... Spitfire of ATJ May 2013 #47
Good thing you told me, I was just about to mail a few off... Locut0s May 2013 #60
If it were not for the problem of disease and exploitation RILib May 2013 #50
You want me to re-evaluate myself downward? Locut0s May 2013 #56
I'm going to say this. d_r May 2013 #51
Thanks. I'm not very good at just being, though I wish to god I was... Locut0s May 2013 #57
Hire a pro for your first time. Maybe the first few times. alphafemale May 2013 #55
Wow. Not to be sexist but I'm surprised a woman would suggest this... Locut0s May 2013 #59
I've surprised many. alphafemale May 2013 #61
**Not legal in Vegas!!!!** LadyHawkAZ May 2013 #72
Hah lol, you ladies seem to know about this ;) Actually I know... Locut0s May 2013 #76
From someone who spent 10 years in the business there, LadyHawkAZ May 2013 #91
“Hope is the most exciting thing in life and if you honestly believe that love is out there, Tuesday Afternoon May 2013 #58
... Democracyinkind May 2013 #62
Hah, George's opposite solution. Brilliant. And it may not be far off the truth :P Locut0s May 2013 #64
Many people deal with anxiety and/or depression Nikia May 2013 #63
Thank you. I think meeting new people will actually be part of the soluton... Locut0s May 2013 #65
Not a woman, but of COURSE there is hope for you... Demo_Chris May 2013 #66
This message was self-deleted by its author seaglass May 2013 #68
You may be right... nomorenomore08 May 2013 #70
You feel "bitter" and like a loser when your best efforts with women end in failure.... Demo_Chris May 2013 #71
This message was self-deleted by its author seaglass May 2013 #78
Nice reply, similar to my own reply below. Locut0s May 2013 #79
Insert amazing title here Demo_Chris May 2013 #92
He doesn't need a gf. He needs to get moving on being an adult. Honeycombe8 May 2013 #82
I don't even know what the hell's right or wrong, good or bad, smart or stupid, anymore... nomorenomore08 May 2013 #69
Actually you are wrong on one account about me... Locut0s May 2013 #75
Confidence breeds confidence so that's a good place to begin. Good hunting! nt Demo_Chris May 2013 #93
You didn't mention your vocation & education. That's important. Honeycombe8 May 2013 #73
Student... Locut0s May 2013 #74
Oh, my. Let me tell you something. Honeycombe8 May 2013 #81
Best advice in this thread, IMO distantearlywarning May 2013 #83
It's fine I need some harshness. Though perhaps I oversold my immaturity... Locut0s May 2013 #87
You are the only one who knows yourself - your level of maturity and competency distantearlywarning May 2013 #89
Oh no I fully agree I need to move out before considering dating... Locut0s May 2013 #90
Thank you. I find that pretty scary to read to tell you the truth, but i know it to be the truth... Locut0s May 2013 #86
I apologize for the preachiness. Honeycombe8 May 2013 #95
Dating Sites - met and married best hubby in the world after 35 years of patricia92243 May 2013 #84
This message was self-deleted by its author darkangel218 May 2013 #88
We have somewhat similar troubles, Locut0s. dawg May 2013 #94
No hope. woolldog May 2013 #96
You sound really nice and interesting. Whisp Nov 2013 #97
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