Welcome to DU! The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards. Join the community: Create a free account Support DU (and get rid of ads!): Become a Star Member All Forums Issue Forums Culture Forums Alliance Forums Region Forums Support Forums Help & Search

MiddleFingerMom

(25,163 posts)
72. Long ago, I was pulling a solo overnight Dispensary shift on our 2200-man post on April 1st...
Mon Dec 24, 2012, 02:45 PM
Dec 2012

.
.
.
... when a drunken soldier came in who had zipped himself up in his zipper.
I mean -- he had zipped him SELF up in his zipper... zipped it up REAL good.
.
I knew what had to be done, but since I was alone, didn't want to chance
something going very wrong, so I sent him to the nearby hospital with a
driver. I called the ER and said, "Look... I know it's April Fool's Day, but
this is no shit..." and proceeded to explain what they should expect to see
shortly.
.
The medic on the other end dropped the phone laughing... and I heard him
call out to others, "YOU GUYS ARE GONNA LOVE THIS ONE!!!"
.
.
.
Some emergencies were MUCH funnier than others.
.
.
.

9-1-1. What is your emergency? [View all] ohiosmith Dec 2012 OP
Please state the nature of the medical emergency. pokerfan Dec 2012 #1
I can't this rubber ball suit off. geardaddy Dec 2012 #2
Well,.......have a Goodyear! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #6
Haha! geardaddy Dec 2012 #16
mrr-mrr-mgg-nnn-nnnnnn-mmrrr-nnrrr-mmmmrrrrr!!! TrogL Dec 2012 #3
Please call back and press 3 for gibberish! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #7
Is that for generic or authentic frontier gibberish? bluesbassman Dec 2012 #12
Generic press 3, western,.....hang up!.... wait ten minutes and don't call back. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #14
Kenny? BlancheSplanchnik Dec 2012 #60
I'm out of whiskey and I'm too drunk to drive. Incitatus Dec 2012 #4
Have some vodka! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #8
Just get here quick! LeftofObama Dec 2012 #5
Go up on the roof! A helicopter is on the way. Disrobe completely! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #10
I've fallen and I can't get up. trof Dec 2012 #9
You sound like the guy on my block that called me a selfish bitch and said I should fuck off! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #11
I'm the guy. trof Dec 2012 #13
Click! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #15
"Yeah, I'm at Burger King, and they're refusing to make it 'my way'. Can you help?" Aristus Dec 2012 #17
Shown them your gun. That'll convince them. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #18
Yeah, if you try ordering a whopper made from Kobe beef, they get all upset. Liberal Veteran Dec 2012 #23
I read this in GD and I'm more confused. antiquie Dec 2012 #19
Have a drink! It will all make sense! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #20
I've gotta fever of a 105! whistler162 Dec 2012 #21
Well aren't you special! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #26
measured orally or rectally? Major Nikon Dec 2012 #41
You really should do both, but be careful about the order. Kennah Dec 2012 #64
I've heard the only difference between the two thermometers is the taste Major Nikon Dec 2012 #66
And feel. You just never forget what saliva feels like up your asshole. Kennah Dec 2012 #86
I want to eat some fish sticks, but ran out of tartar sauce. Liberal Veteran Dec 2012 #22
Solution: Brigid Dec 2012 #24
Order a pizza! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #27
My tarp blew away. In_The_Wind Dec 2012 #25
Not to worry! Someone stole it! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #28
I needed your blue tarp for a shower curtain. Grantuspeace Dec 2012 #33
How will I keep the electronics dry? In_The_Wind Dec 2012 #34
I lost my puppy! many a good man Dec 2012 #29
You may have to put its memory behind you! Perhaps a lap dog next time! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #30
Dude, that is just wrong. Brigid Dec 2012 #81
Someone stole my heart. RedCloud Dec 2012 #31
No! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #32
I scratched my nuts, but now they're itchy again. Kennah Dec 2012 #35
Try dynamite? Frosty1 Dec 2012 #38
Tried that but the fuse created a burning sensation. Kennah Dec 2012 #61
Please hold while I transfer you to the CDC! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #45
Heeeeey, wait a minute... pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #36
Is no Peggy,....he,....she take it break! Click! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #46
I can't find my ass. rrneck Dec 2012 #37
I found an ass! kurtzapril4 Dec 2012 #39
Probably. rrneck Dec 2012 #40
No problem. We'll take good care of it kurtzapril4 Dec 2012 #59
Just don't confuse it with a hole in the ground n/t shadowrider Dec 2012 #90
I think I've got that one. rrneck Dec 2012 #91
If you're a female,....he's at the pub drinking beer and watching football. If you're a male,...... ohiosmith Dec 2012 #48
Gah! rrneck Dec 2012 #50
Somebody on the internet is WRONG! Ptah Dec 2012 #42
Don't believe it! I'm sure someone thinks you're right! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #49
I boo-booed my middle finger and now it's stuck nt LiberalEsto Dec 2012 #43
Put the thumb on your other hand in your mouth and blow as hard as you can. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #51
I'm surrounded by republicans! Joey Liberal Dec 2012 #44
Please hold while I connect you to the CDC! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #52
What are you wearing? pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #47
For that information,......you will need a valid credit card. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #53
Oh, shit. Just my luck...I got "Peggy" again. :( pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #54
Is no Peggy,.....is,.....Betty,......please to give valid credit card number. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #56
Need directions to family planning advice clinic Bucky Dec 2012 #55
That ingress is still viable although,......you do risk fathering a republican! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #67
I have heart burn and I am lonely. littlemissmartypants Dec 2012 #57
Please provide a valid credit card and we'll send Anthony over with some Tums. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #68
Bowling pin lodged in an unusual place. NYC_SKP Dec 2012 #58
Where are your balls? Kennah Dec 2012 #62
Lodge bowling pin elsewhere pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #69
Happy birthday! NYC_SKP Dec 2012 #76
Happy Holidays, NYC_SKP! pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #79
First I burp... NYC_SKP Dec 2012 #80
I know you typed annual probe, but my mind recorded anal probe. Kennah Dec 2012 #82
Well, annual anal prostate probe, to be accurate! NYC_SKP Dec 2012 #83
Legend has it we all get smacked on the ass when we're born ... Kennah Dec 2012 #87
See post 51! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #70
My kilt isn't back from the cleaners Kennah Dec 2012 #63
Something else the rest of us can be thankful for. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #74
Except for my released Cracken Kennah Dec 2012 #85
I unleashed the Krakken krispos42 Dec 2012 #65
Releash the Kraaken! pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #71
The Kraken cannot be re-leashed krispos42 Dec 2012 #92
Next time try something decent, like Jameson pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #93
You're on your own bub! ohiosmith Dec 2012 #88
Long ago, I was pulling a solo overnight Dispensary shift on our 2200-man post on April 1st... MiddleFingerMom Dec 2012 #72
Sounds familiar... pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #73
I think almost every man has done that once... MiddleFingerMom Dec 2012 #75
Cutting the zipper below the area zipped is the most comfortable way to go siligut Dec 2012 #77
I think a bunch of dogs have hacked my DU account! Lady Freedom Returns Dec 2012 #78
Woof! Kennah Dec 2012 #84
Please hold while I transfer you to animal control. ohiosmith Dec 2012 #89
"Hello? You've reached Animal Control. This is Puggy." pinboy3niner Dec 2012 #94
I'm out of beer, can you make a beer run for me? Initech Dec 2012 #95
Latest Discussions»The DU Lounge»9-1-1. What is your emerg...»Reply #72