DU3 Reintroduce yourself thread

[greiner3]

213. Greiner is a family name;

And I have 3 children; also 3 grandchildren but redundancy is another thing.

Being of a family with a 'crazy gene' I am only now understanding a lot of what that entails; after 5 decades.

This is shown by Bi-polar, clinical depression, Schizoid Personality Disorder, moderate OCD, PTSD (I used to relive my birth), hate being touched/crowds and have/had social phobia. It is this last that has had the most effect upon me now that I am pretty much 'aware.' I missed the socialization while growing up.

I have been hospitalized 4 times in a mental hospital. The odds I will be re-hospitalized AGAIN are approaching infinity. But please read on and I will make the case that I will beat these odds.

I have figured I have had more than 40 different address in my life, owned about as many vehicles and had nearly 50 different jobs. I did have a string of jobs with a fast food restaurant that ended with my owning a franchise. However, I went off the deep end while I was the owner and had to sell. It was the income I had while there and large earnings at a factory job that gave me nearly $1,800/month SSDI.

I first saw a mental health counselor at age 12 and took my first of many different anti-depressants at age 16. I figure I have had 20 different psychiatrists and 10 counselors over the last 40+ years. I have been on SO many different drugs with Lithium the longest. I was on this for 23 years. I was shaking so badly I could not hold a coffee cup without spilling the liquid. My new psychiatrist was part of a group that set up patients for a procedure called 'Deep Brain Stimulation.' I have 'essential tremors.' That is the condition where there is a hand/head tremor. It is usually seen in the elderly but mine was so bad doctors kept asking me if I had been diagnosed with Parkinson's.

This psychiatrist is really fascinated with my case. He has made the statement several times that he is very surprised that I actually am still alive. People with case histories such as mine don't live much past their 20s. I've always prided myself in not being a conformist so I have THAT going for me.

My psychiatrist began changing my meds. I was on 5 different psychotropics January 2010. By the end of the year I had been switched to Zoloft and 2 anti-seizure meds; whose 'off label' uses were for control of Bi-polar. I have not been as steady, mentally wise, as I have been for the last year. I have been working for most of the last year, at part time jobs, for the first time since 2003. I no longer shake to the point where I could be on a carnival circuit. I still have slight hand tremors and my head still 'bobs.' I find it funny because if I am in a small group I notice that after a little time most of the people in the group are nodding also.

I have 2 cats now that I'm an empty nester. I am pretty much a loner and I am not the near hermit I was for 20 years. I used to be terrified of women. That is not the right word; I was terrified to talk with them. Now, I am not exactly the chatterbox but I am able to hold my own. In fact, I am looking forward to my first date in, well let's just say that if there is a time limit where one can revert to virginal status I am approaching very quickly.

My ex did not take our wedding vows to heart and when I became incapacitated in the mid 80s she went looking for 'Mr. Goodbar.' Well, that's not quite true. She went looking for the whole host of candy bars. I was husband #2, how apt, and she is currently on #4. A few years ago my children told me she was having problems with that one and I made the unfortunate remark to my eldest child, "what, she's now looking for #5?" Well, I broke my own rule in never saying bad things about her to my children.

At the age of 50 I was finally able to finish school and get my BS. My major was Evolution, Ecology and Organismal (have to be careful saying this to women). I had over 300 credits when it was all over because I had started so many times in the past. Most of the credits were not able to transfer for various reasons and I ended going for 19 straight quarters. The school paper had a small article that stated there were 50 students currently going to college that were trying for their Bachelors. I graduated from Ohio State University and there were over 50,000 students at the college. So I was going around saying I was '1 in a 1,000.' I graduated when I was 52. I had a 3.4 GPA with a 4 GPA max school. I tried to get into Grad School but... I would still like to go. Maybe next year.

I bought a house last year. I was able to do this during the 'rebate' last year. My only income at the time was my SSDI. Ever since I sold my franchise I have had terrible credit. Paying bills was not even close to being important while I was sick. But some years ago I started paying attention to my credit and 2 years ago I actually had a 719 score.

I had spinal fusion, L2-S1, in 1998. Because of this surgery and my mental health status, I was actually approved for SSDI 4 months after I filed. I've been told this is almost unheard of. I have been going to a lot of different doctors. All in all I have been told I am in very good health. One of my doctors told me I should live to be 100 (runs in the family). It was not so long ago that I would have been so depressed thinking I still had 50-60 years to endure I might have killed myself. Now, that is great news. Some people say I'm sort of smart. I want to leave my mark upon the planet and for my children/grandchildren.

I am able to think now. I am able to make plans that are longer in the future than a few hours. I am able to actually walk down the street with a smile on my face. I can actually look at myself in the mirror. I no longer fear rejection and can take chances with people and my own emotions.

I still get very emotional with a lot of things. Take religion for instance. After my 3rd mental hospital stay, my brother, the fundy one, got me on the phone and prayed over me. Or should I say 'preyed.' I was in a precarious state because of what I had just undergone and my 'Compassionate Conservative' Fundy brother tries to proselytize. He went to Oral Sex Univ and is a minister or whatever in the Charasmatic sect. Now I ask you, what in the hell do these people want? This is a sect that thinks the Pentecostals are too Liberal. These people prey upon the weak. They promise good but deal in suffering.

I am also passionate about politics. I was so upset after the 2010 elections that it was several months until I could spend much time on this board. Now, I am trying to educate my 3 'under informed' children on the state of what's so important for their and their childrens' future. It is an UPHILL battle.

Well, if anyone got this far welcome to my world.