Reply #16

I knew someone who was impulsive, easily frustrated, showed some minor oppositional defiance and had an uncontrollable temper from early childhood. He had one minor encounter with law enforcement when he was arrested as a teenager for possession of marijuana. He was likely bipolar - though never diagnosed or treated. His typical pattern of behavior was to have a fit of anger/rage followed by deep remorse for his behavior - and seemingly normal behavior until the next big blow-up of anger.

His wife finally had enough and sent their kids on a weekend trip with the grandparents before leaving him. He tried to bribe and manipulate her to stay. When it was clear that he had been unsuccessful in that effort he put a gun in his mouth and killed himself. I have little problem imagining him directing his anger/rage against his estranged wife or children had they been present.

His wife had the foresight to get herself and her children away from him and out of danger. She also had the foresight to alert authorites, advise them that she suspected that he could become violent or suicidal. Authorities did a well person check on him and spoke to him at length - probably about an hour before he took his own life.

Sometimes you can know damn good and well that someone has a problem - and a tendency toward violent or self-destructive behavior - and you can alert authorties who respond and do an evaluation and still do not have the evidence required to put someone into protective custody or compel a psych evaluation.

The family of these violent mentally ill folks have often struggled for decades in an effort to get them to get help. They may have been abused or manipulated by the very family members they are trying to help. Their concerns are marginalized because that help often is not readily available, mental illness remains stigmatized and the person who most needs the help resists it. Often when these mentally ill folks kill themselves or others these families not only grieve their own loss they also feel responsible for the loss of innocent lives. Even when there is not a damn thing they could have done to prevent the violence that took them.

I guess it's easy to throw stones when you are on the outside of the situation looking in at past events. But if you have ever been in that situation (or known someone who has) then you know that sometimes you can try to intervene and you can try to alert authorities and you can try to get help. And your efforts can be utterly and completely unsuccesful.