Hillary Clinton Beats Up Crippled Children, Takes Their Candy And Parking Space [View all]

[Capt. Obvious]

What terrible thing did Hillary Clinton do now? Why, she parked her Scooby Van in a handicapped spot — and laughed about it! Look, there is even video! And in case you cannot believe it, the Very Offended Krystal Heath, associate producer for conservative “comedian” Steven Crowder, wrote a trillion words about it and how she is Personally Very Offended, also she has a photograph to point out the offensive parking job:



Do you see?!?! There is the “Handicapped Parking” sign, and right there is Hillary Clinton’s van. (If only we had an arrow pointing out Hillary Clinton. She is the one in pink. Trying to play the gender card to pander to chicks, obviously.)

....

Anyway. We expect this latest SCANDAL! to blow over in about, oh [checks iClock] five seconds, despite the collective orgasm from the conservative interwebs that there is EVEN MORE PROOF! that Hillary Clinton sucks. And really, we get it. We do! It’s very hard for conservatives right now, because they want to beat Clinton so bad, but all their candidates suck so hard, and as of now, the best they’ve got are some old recycled -gates that never went anywhere two decades ago and won’t stick this time either.

Of course, if conservatives wanted to lob some legitimate criticisms against Hillary Clinton, they could. There is her support for George Bush’s invasion of Iraq in 2003, for example. Or her former opposition to marriage equality at the federal level. (She’s cool with that now, though. Maybe go the flip-flop route?) They could say she’s too moderate, too hawkish, too cozy with Big Business — she served on the board of directors of Walmart in the ’80s, you know. They could point out that she’s perpetrated the stigmatization of abortion by saying it’s a practice that should be “safe, legal, and rare.”

Moar words