General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: It says so much when a working family can't even afford to bury the dead [View all]DeschutesRiver
(2,354 posts)religious reason why not)?
I think I'd go for a low cost cremation, with the ashes spread at least in one spot that could be accessed forever (I've heard of places deep in a national forest or state park used in this way, and the family members often camp nearby where the ashes were dispersed). It could be in a corner of a city park. Or if there is family land anywhere, some could be put there with a tree or a lilac or you name it planted over top as a permanent memorial to visit. Just about any place where over the years one could go and remember their loved one for free.
And then I'd throw a "wake" style potluck get together, music if we knew anyone who played an instrument, and maybe some good words from the people who knew and will miss the presence of my loved one. And I'd do that even if only a handful of people could attend - a memorial that was a celebration of this person's years with them on this planet.
You know, we have a homesteader buried here on our land. No one has come to visit him, in fact, a neighbor helped us locate the grave way off in a quiet canyon near the fallen down cabin where he lived in peace and quiet. But we, strangers, are the only visitors, and it seems like having an actual gravesite with a body isn't always what it is cracked up to be, if what you want is to be sure that people will visit your gravesite. Of course back then this didn't cost the man's family a dime since he buried on his own land, where he lived and loved to be, and today things are far different.
To me, since I am not religious, I'd view throwing a wake as the difference between buying a beautiful gift for someone at store versus making a beautiful hand crafted gift to give instead. I'd prefer it that way, because I personalized my good bye. That said, to some people the traditional funeral ways are very important and without them, they may never feel good about how the passing/funeral was handled. Beliefs in this regard are highly individual.
The cremation and a private at home memorial service might not be what they planned or wished for, but it could be a great thing if they were open to doing things a bit non traditionally. I wish them so much luck in finding a way to cope with the costs, but more so that they find peace and a way to cope with the loss.