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Thu Jan 31, 2013, 06:42 AM

A Message From A Woman Defending Her Babies With An AR-15 [View all]

I don't have time to talk. These multiple intruders are breaking into my house, and I want to keep my cool so I can empty round after round into them as they pop into the room from windows, air ducts, and a hole in my floor. I just want to make it clear that I need an assault rifle with a high-capacity magazine. Each one of these thugs is impossibly-muscled and hopped up on some kind of powerful street drug. Probably that zombie bath salt stuff I've been hearing about.

Excuse me. I had to execute a somersault over the buffet, give my toddler the sippy cup he dropped, and then whirl around and line up two assailants so I could kill them with one shot. My jumpsuit is torn and sweaty - and I'm very well-endowed, so this thing's almost coming off. One of the attackers leered at me, but I was able to crush his Adam's apple with a martial arts hand strike and finish him off with my katana before wasting his entire crew in the front parlor. Damn, I just cleaned that floor. Oh well. It's hard being a mother and a woman in today's America. But this AR-15 helps me do it all. It's important to help women get what they need to protect themselves and their families.

You know what would work even better? One of those prosthetic machine gun legs the chick had in the Tarantino movie. That would be awesome. I think I have the figure to pull it off, too.

Or maybe a Harry Potter wand. I could use it to zap all these dudes at once.

Or maybe a pet Manticore on a chain. Congress needs to stop regulating the Manticores I need to make my children safe.

Even cooler would be if I could make people's heads explode just by thinking about it.

I mean, as long as I am a completely fictional character - a combination of male fantasy and useful approximation of feminism for conservatives. And of course you'd need one or two women to sign on to this nonsense for the speech on TV. The same way you need to find a woman to back an extremist anti-choice position using the language of choice. Have you noticed that conservatives talking about women's issues always sound like Steve Carell's 40 year-old virgin trying to describe how a breast feels?

READ THE REST:
http://www.paulbibeau.blogspot.com/2013/01/a-message-from-woman-defending-her.html

ALSO, I updated it to add this, which I thought was important:

And in the real world the AR-15 is indeed a "light," "accurate" weapon that handles easily for engaging many targets. And most importantly, as Gayle Trotter said, it's a "scary-looking" weapon. In the middle of Gayle Trotter's delirious posturing she actually described why it's the perfect weapon for a mentally ill person to use in their awful role-playing exercise where they walk into a school and kill someone else's child. And then kill many, many more. But everyone's hoping if I sound dramatic enough, you won't think about that.

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Reply A Message From A Woman Defending Her Babies With An AR-15 [View all]
paulbibeau Jan 2013 OP
geckosfeet Jan 2013 #1
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