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Sun Dec 16, 2012, 02:51 PM

Please someone explain to me how a parent can live in the same house with a child they have raised [View all]

their entire life and not know that the person sitting across the table from you, or sleeping down the hall from you, and can have such contempt for you to the point that they are capable of shooting you in the face, does not pose a danger to himself and to society. I donít think itís possible. I think lots of parents are in denial. I see it all the time.

My experience, having raised three kids who are now well into adulthood, has been that parents whose kids have the type of contempt for their parents that they are capable of doing harm to them have demonstrated those behaviors previously, and are usually out of control; and rather than dealing with it, they try and hide it as if they are doing their kids or themselves a favor.

I realize that our lives are complicated, but I find it impossible to believe that parents can have children (or adult kids) living with them who are capable of committing atrocities and those parents be oblivious to that fact. My experience with kids has been that they leave all kinds of clues of what they are up to, what they are thinking, if they are angry, if they are sad. I have never had to search my kids personal belongings to find out. Teens leave a paper trail, and plenty of clues, or you over hear things. What we choose to do with that information is up to us.

My husband and I have lived in middle class neighborhoods all ofour adult lives though we were both born into poor families. We worked ourselves up out of the circumstances in which we were born into good neighborhoods and our kids went to good schools.

I recall that after the Columbine killings, the parents of the kid that was primarily responsible for planning the killings for over the year stated that their son spent all his time down in their basement and they hadnít been down in the basement in over a year. Iím sorry, but what a recipe for disaster.

While I realize that most of these kids will not commit mass murder, several kids I know personally in our community where I have lived for the past 19 years, and which I believe is a typical middle class city and community, and who went to our local schools with our kids over the years, or are friends of our children have driven drunk and were involved in accidents which cause the deaths of others, one committed suicide, several attempted suicide, several accidentally overdosed on drugs and the parents hid this from friends and authorities at their schools; several kids have attacked their parents physically when they didnít get their way (though these parents never spanked their children so they didnít learn violence at home); one threatened to kill her mother and was held on a suicide watch, only to be released 3 days later and the mother bought her a car so the daughter would forgive her for having allowed her to be locked up for 3 days. And all of these families were intact, two parent families.

A common thread I find in most of these situations was that almost all of these kids , even the ones who didnít get into trouble with the law but had troubles at home, was that they had too many things, too much spending money, and too little responsibilities; their parents were too busy trying to be their kids friend, rather than being their kids parents; and the parents would do anything to keep peace in the household and therefore the kids were running the house because the parents simply didnít have the time and energy to deal with the conflict.

Having children creates conflict. Raising responsible productive members of society, creates conflict. Itís not for the timid or the faint at heart. If youíre not equipped for being an active participant in whatís going on in your kidís lives on a day to day basis, and parenting them; than donít have them, get a pet instead.

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Reply Please someone explain to me how a parent can live in the same house with a child they have raised [View all]
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