Patrick Stewart - 'I knew the exact moment to rush in and stop him hitting her

[bhikkhu]

17. "Nobody comes out of a situation like that unscathed"...

Yes, and probably most never learn exactly when to intervene.

I had a wonderful family myself, but then my dad had remarried and I went to live with him, my young half-sister, and my stepmom for awhile - who turned out to be pretty abusive to my sister. Who said she was really glad I was there because her mom wasn't so bad then, but there were times when I saw her hit and I didn't know what to do - rooted to the spot, heart going a hundred miles an hour - and times when she was just fuming abuse and I didn't know what to do...I can relate to Stewart's finely attuned to the situation, moving forward if things escalated, listening for the slightest hint of approaching calm. In my stepmom's case, she seemed to have some kind of genius in pushing things right up to the limit, but no further. If I thought "if she hits her again" or "if she calls calls her that name one more time, I'm stopping her", that would be exactly when she'd change course and start some other line of attack. Four months of that and I was wrecked. I moved out with my sister, but then she got into stealing and drugs and we had a falling out, and that's one thing I still break down and blame myself when I think about it - she was such a bright kid, and I did nothing. And then afterwards I was no use either...

I read a book about the decline of violence, especially domestic violence, recently - Pinker's "Better Angels", which was a very good thing to hear.