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Fri Oct 26, 2012, 10:13 PM

This is a thread about suicide and ambivalence toward it... [View all]

I'm getting ready to go to work tonight and one of the beds there is going to be empty. I just learned that one of the patients in the (*outpatient*) residence hung herself at approximately 4:00am.

The facility I work at is sort of like a half-way house for young adults suffering from psychiatric and emotional problems. I refer to it as a half-way house because many come to us following psychiatric hospitalization for any number of reasons -- suicide attempt, self-injury, eating disorder, and PTSD among others.

This patient, 26, had been in and out of hospitals for the better part of a decade and had had 2 prior suicide attempts. She used to tell me, with hands to her head, "I hate my brain!" exasperated that tortuous self-injury thoughts had returned. I had come to learn that happiness was a bright red flag. She couldn't bear being happy. Tuesday night she had gone to a musical. When she returned to the residence, she was joyfully blissful, exclaiming she'd "remember this night for the rest of her life!"

There is a part of me that says she's finally found a way to soothe herself, and therein lies my ambivalence toward suicide. In her case, it wasn't vengeful or an angry act. It was a way to find relief, relief from a brain that, in short, had been trying to kill her for years.

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WhaTHellsgoingonhere Oct 2012 OP
Lionessa Oct 2012 #1
Democratopia Oct 2012 #11
LittlestStar Oct 2012 #17
Lionessa Oct 2012 #20
OneGrassRoot Oct 2012 #55
riderinthestorm Oct 2012 #2
Democratopia Oct 2012 #12
Lionessa Oct 2012 #25
LiberalLoner Oct 2012 #38
Democratopia Oct 2012 #51
Lionessa Oct 2012 #53
HeiressofBickworth Oct 2012 #3
Ruby the Liberal Oct 2012 #6
dixiegrrrrl Oct 2012 #28
Ruby the Liberal Oct 2012 #44
dixiegrrrrl Oct 2012 #47
Ruby the Liberal Oct 2012 #56
crunch60 Oct 2012 #31
Ruby the Liberal Oct 2012 #45
xfundy Oct 2012 #4
elehhhhna Oct 2012 #8
WhaTHellsgoingonhere Oct 2012 #9
Democratopia Oct 2012 #16
srichardson Oct 2012 #34
Confusious Oct 2012 #36
Ruby the Liberal Oct 2012 #5
inamatteroftime Oct 2012 #7
etherealtruth Oct 2012 #10
Democratopia Oct 2012 #14
etherealtruth Oct 2012 #42
Democratopia Oct 2012 #13
Lionessa Oct 2012 #21
crunch60 Oct 2012 #32
LiberalLoner Oct 2012 #39
Bradical79 Oct 2012 #15
Qanisqineq Oct 2012 #18
progressivebydesign Oct 2012 #19
Lionessa Oct 2012 #22
hunter Oct 2012 #23
liberal_at_heart Oct 2012 #29
crunch60 Oct 2012 #33
liberal_at_heart Oct 2012 #49
dixiegrrrrl Oct 2012 #30
Confusious Oct 2012 #37
davidpdx Oct 2012 #24
liberal_at_heart Oct 2012 #26
Michigan Alum Oct 2012 #27
Le Taz Hot Oct 2012 #35
Are_grits_groceries Oct 2012 #40
liberal_at_heart Oct 2012 #48
WhaTHellsgoingonhere Oct 2012 #41
Odin2005 Oct 2012 #43
Jennicut Oct 2012 #46
Lionessa Oct 2012 #50
easttexaslefty Oct 2012 #52
Tierra_y_Libertad Oct 2012 #54
dmallind Oct 2012 #57