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Thu Jan 26, 2012, 12:43 PM

First you start with a lie...

Last edited Thu Jan 26, 2012, 02:26 PM - Edit history (2)

The lie doesn't have to be immediately disprovable, just stick with it and repeat it as many times as possible. If the truth is a problem, shape it and mold it to your advantage. Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

Don't worry, there will always be someone who doesn't know any better to believe you… They're EVERYWHERE!

Next you target some scapegoats. It's best to go with boogiemen who are alternately as weak and as powerful as possible. Don't go for any scapegoats in the middle. That's just plain dumb and self defeating.

About your powerful targets, make sure that they are people who are opposed to your activities mostly on principle. More opportunities for you to fantasize the worst things possible about them that way. When lying about their motivation use the worst stereotypical dog whistles. Go for the jugular. These people are "out" to get you (Even if they're really not).

It's easy to portray your enemies to blame for the very problems that your very own powerful benefactors are causing because you're intimate with the details. Your followers need someone to hate. Just make sure that they're hating the "right" people.

Remember, your benefactors are paying you well to help them out by deflecting attention away from them. Give it your best shot.

About your weak targets, they can't really defend themselves. Blame them for lots of problems that either don't exist, or those that they had absolutely nothing to do with. I mean, how often do the poor and the weak get cameras pointed at them… Not as often as you, right?

Next, find a sympathetic figure from the past and talk up your work to preserve their "legacy". Use a dead one, if possible. Living legends are too problematic. Hero worship is a great tool. The years have a way of softening all the horrible crap that they did in the past and all of the people that they stepped on to get to the top. Just like what you're doing this very moment.

Everybody loves a winner. Helping people look up to winners get is a way of helping them associate winners with you. It doesn't matter if you've had absolutely nothing in common with that person, or if they in fact, hated your guts.

Everybody LOVES a winner. Never forget that.

Play a martyr hard and long. You know that as a rich, powerful, white guy, you have no power in this world and everyone that hates you is ready to kick you in the nuts while you're down. Either that, or they're jealous of your hard work and success.

I know that it sounds confusing, don't worry, it'll work out.

Anyway, you're not a really loser, you're merely "STANDING" with the little guy. (Snicker.)

Accessorize with a trophy wife and trophy children freely, early and often. You don't have to sedate the current crew to prevent them from going off script. They'll basically behave through handling a life with you through self medication and reminders about pre nups and changing wills.

You can always trade them in for newer models later if they've become too problematic.

If any embarrassing details come out about your past, or if you say of do something incredibly stupid in the present, just blame the press for reporting it. If they're not with you by glossing over it or misrepresenting it, they're out to get you.

Make sure to make all kinds of promises that you have absolutely no intention on keeping.

Go for it and shoot for the moon. Buck that! Go for MARS!

If you're challenged in front of a camera, immediately act indignant. People watching will quickly forget how you were caught exposed to inconvenient facts and focus directly on the testy exchange instead. They won't even remember what started the argument in the first place, but they'll damn sure remember that you stood up for yourself against that unkempt ne'er do well.

If things aren't going as well for you at some stage, pick someone and START a fight. Pick people who can't defend themselves. Don't worry about looking like a bully. People who follow people like you are people who intrinsically LOVE bullies.

That's just a fact. Use it, don't lose it.

Cheat.

If you're not cheating, you're not trying hard enough to win… And winning is EVERYTHING!

And last, but not least, GET PAID.

Mistresses, country clubs, big houses, vacations and fancy cars cost money.

Why else are you in this business?




Win, lose or whatever, you'll have made your mark. If not for today, but for another day when the people are just a little more fearful, stupid and crazy to fall for someone like you and all of your well practiced bullshit.

…And that, my friends, is how you become a Goddamned Republican.

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Reply First you start with a lie... (Original post)
MrScorpio Jan 2012 OP
hfojvt Jan 2012 #1
Uncle Joe Jan 2012 #2

Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Thu Jan 26, 2012, 01:01 PM

1. I think I became a Republican just by filling out a voter registration card

Although that was a long time ago, and I cannot remember voting in a primary election. There was a primary that year, between Reagan and Bush, among others, but I cannot remember voting in it. My parents were Republicans too. I remember mom was a fan of Bush Sr. Perhaps the primary was over before it got to SD. Then in 1984 I registered in Minnesota where I was going to college, but cannot remember specifying a party, although I did vote for Mondale that year (not on purpose, I actually flippd an Eisenhower dollar in the voting booth and it came up heads, had it been tails, I'd have voted for Reagan again. I was slow to wean myself away from the Republicans.) By 1988 though, having moved to Utah, back to SD, and finally to Wisconsin, I was definitely a registered Democrat, because I voted for Jesse Jackson in the presidential primary that year.

And that is how I became a Democrat (at least the condensed version, I did not mention being blown away by Jesse's convention speech and watching Reagan flounder around in the debates, and reading lots of Vonnegut, Studs Terkel, and also entering the workforce) - a party I previously had referred to as the dumbocrats.

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Response to MrScorpio (Original post)

Thu Jan 26, 2012, 01:21 PM

2. You could write a book about a fictional Republican using these methods, call him Toot Ringrich

Thanks for the thread, MrScorpio.

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