Tue Jan 22, 2013, 07:16 AM
paulbibeau (441 posts)
"I've Got Enough Crazy For All Of You" By Michele Bachmann
That's it. Obama took office, and the new Congress has been settling in for a couple weeks now. All those batcrap pro-life geezers like Todd Akin are probably still making scary rape comments, but they're doing it in their own paneled rec rooms. Newt Gingrich is trolling the talk shows where no one listens to him. Herman Cain and Rick Perry are like Amelia Earhart, only people actually looked for her. And Santorum's writing for a website. A website, do you know how pathetic and irrelevant that is?
But Michele's still here. And don't worry children, because Michele will pick up that slack.
I'm a professional. You know this about me. And when my people need me I am ready to provide. And right now, it looks like what we need is extra crazy.
You think we're going to have a shortfall of delicious, beautiful insanity this year? No my friends. I will crank out enough for everyone to share. I've got this.
You have no idea what I'm capable of. Over the next few weeks I'm going to demonstrate an Olympic level of ignorance and paranoia and white lady nervous tics. I will roll out my lunatic ideas with the speed and muscularity of a Michael Phelps. It's going to be like the first time you watched Jordan dominate a court. You will not be able to turn off your screen, because you might miss something. Seriously. I go back to Washington in the best shape of my career. I just want to show you how far a rightwing freak can really take this. When I play, you're going to see the love and the purity in my game.
Going Joe McCarthy on Arab-Americans? I was warming up. Now we're going to talk about how the Amish secretly run MS-13.
Gay people can be cured with prayer? Fine, sure. But next I'm going to start saying you can treat liver failure by walking it off. I'm going to put a bill out there to study it and make you jagoffs fight me.
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