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Scruffy Rumbler

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Gender: Male
Current location: Southern Adirondacks
Member since: Mon Nov 5, 2012, 08:00 PM
Number of posts: 695

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I cannot believe I am posting this so soon....

last Thursday I posted we were having Hospice come in to care for my mother. Intake was Friday, Monday was to be her first nurse visit for her. ...

My mom died Monday morning. The whole weekend went by so fast... Family members began coming by Thursday. For 3 nights her kids and grand kids slept curled up in her big bed... 5 or 6 at a time. A family friend brought her 1 month old, named for my mom and she got to hold her. She actually responded to the baby...she loved her babies so....









Posted by Scruffy Rumbler | Wed Aug 27, 2014, 09:32 AM (6 replies)

Hospice begins for my Mom, tomorrow.

I am having trouble seeing this as the tears flood done my face. My sister and I have been her guardians and caregivers since July of 2010. Horrible actions taken by family members led us to secure court guardianship that year and my partner and I moved from the west coast back to the east coast, bought a two family home for the four of us.

Mom has senile dementia: possible Alzheimer's. She was diagnosed years ago. When we moved back, she still knew I was her son , after telling her my name.

For years she passed off having forgotten names as bad eye sight...she does have macular degeneration. When we moved back, she had loss the sight in her rt eye due to carelessness on the part her former caregiver.... her own daughter. Our big fear was she would go completely blind before she dies. That was a question she asked me on the way to her eye doctors, "What if I go blind before?" She never said before what. It was one of those moments in the life of dementia when a glimpse of her old self came out. And she sounded scared....like a kid. All I could do was hold her hand, assure her that THAT was not going to happen, and if it did we would be there. That was last summer. She still has peripheral vision in the left eye. She makes jokes about it and squints, making funny faces. Today she can barely open them, and when she does, she can still see.

For a year or so, when I would drop in, The conversation went like this...
ME: "Hi, Mom! It's me, *****."
Mom: "Oh!, Hi *****. You're my son, *****? Right?"
ME: "Yup, That's me!"
Mom: eyeing my 6' , 250lb body "I gave birth to you?!? Ow ow ouch!"

Then there are the hugs. I am tall, she no longer is. I stand straight, she is almost bent double. Most people, she ends up hugging their hips. Her and me... we got it down. or rather up...When she says yes to a hug, she stands, I kneel in front of her with my arms out, I prompt her to put her arms on my shoulders. My head lays at her breast, her head rests on mine, her hand caresses my hair. With my arms gently supporting her, she can settle into a position supported on my shoulders and we time travel, I am 5 and she is 35, I am two and she is 32, I am 50 and she is 80. I let her be the first to pull back. Some times she is done quickly. A little slap on the shoulder... "you can go home now!" Sometime she lingers...humming in my ear. I pretend to fall asleep and snore. I can hear her laughter through her chest, deep and motherly. "Oh poor baby, we need to get you a bed!" other times" That's right.... you just sleep right there."


Last week after visiting, I was tending the flower pots on her front porch when she asked my sister who that nice fellow was. My sister called me by her son's name... the look on her face when said "I think my name is*****".

This week she is having bouts of DEEP sleep, the kind you cannot rouse her from. She wakes up with a start, eyes pop open, try to focus on who is in the room...goes back to sleep. I want to tell her she can go.... but I can't. My brother evicted her 4 years ago. He doesn't think she was aware at the time. Last month as she was leaving the hospital after a brief stay, she asked my sister if they were being kicked out of her home again. I cried again and privately raged again at what he did to her, my sisters and myself. And now, I want to tell my mommy she can go and we will be ok...but I can't...not yet not in such straight forward words as that. The way will come.

So tonight I wait.... hoping I'll sleep better tonight. Tomorrow's list, contact our funeral home and let him know (and seriously check to make sure he is still alive. He is older than my mom), shop for a headstone, contact her burial trust for info. oh and be back by one for hospice.

Hospice begins for my Mom, tomorrow. I am sad.



Posted by Scruffy Rumbler | Wed Aug 20, 2014, 09:11 PM (11 replies)

Hobby Lobby Crafts (Make Your Own IUD!)

Speaks for itself...




If this is more appropriate somewhere else.... please let me know!
Posted by Scruffy Rumbler | Tue Jul 8, 2014, 10:04 PM (1 replies)

"Damn straight!"

Someone posted this in another thread as an affirmation to a post. I was struck how this is the opposite side of the coin that is "That's so gay". Straight = positive and affirming. Gay = derisive and derogatory.

I did not post this in conjunction with that thread as it has nothing to do with the topic posted. Nor am I inferring the one that posted this is any way homophobic. I, as a 50 y.o. gay man am just noticing this phrase and its use. Neither phrase was ever one in my daily vocabulary.

Just an observation on being homo in a hetero world.
Posted by Scruffy Rumbler | Wed Feb 19, 2014, 11:23 AM (8 replies)

I have health insurance! Thanks, Obama!

I am a procrastinator about somethings. Anything to do with insurance and such confuses me so much, I put off dealing with it. Some frustration is due to my ideas about health insurance.

1. We should be enrolled in health care, not health insurance.
2. It should be single payer.
3. It should not be tied to our employment or way of making a living.
4. It should not penalize us for seeking health care in another parts of the country or as 'they' say in insurance-ese, "out of area" or "out of network".

In my area, I was disappointed with what seemed to be a lack of info about signing up. I heard on a public radio station from a city about 60 miles away, that the financial half of the health system I work for was a portal to my state's exchange and that they had navigators on staff to assist the public. I work per Diem for them, and had no clue until this tidbit of info was dropped by a commentator on a discussion panel about the ACA.

Another aspect that was causing me to put it off was the thought of adding another monthly bill to the list, for a service that if my prior experiences with insurance ran true, I wouldn't be able to afford to use due to deductibles and co-pays.

After reading of other peoples' experiences here on DU, I took the plunge in early December and went to my state's exchange. Successfully created an account. Yeah! That was easy! Then it wanted income...OMG...confused the hell out of me. I then remembered about the navigators and looked on the site for directions on contacting one. I called the number, set up an appointment for the next day and gathered the necessary documents. My first meeting went great and took all of 15 minutes. I may have been able to accomplish what she did, on my own. However, it would have taken me forever, if I was able to do it at all. Because of changes in income between last year and projections for this year, my numbers needed to be approved.

I let the ball drop as the holidays rolled around. I went back on earlier this month and attempted to compare and pick plans...... uuuggghhhh. I was lost in insurance plan hell! I signed out of the site without choosing a plan. Well, this Monday, my navigator called for follow up and I made an appointment for today. And I just returned home.

I qualified for enough tax credit that a silver plan AND dental insurance were within my reach. My monthly premium is more then what I paid at my last job that provided insurance, but this plan itself is much, much better then what I was getting.

Now I have to deal with the fact I will not be able to call for a referral for a primary physician and ask specifically for a male doctor that specializes in gay men's health. My last place of residence, Portland, OR, I called the provider group covered by my insurance. I asked for just that and not only was given a choice, my doctor was OPENLY gay! The first time in my life, my doctor reflected ME. I could go and not have to be the one doing the education. But that is a topic for another thread!

So long story short, I have insurance that I can afford to buy and AFFORD to use!

Thanks to those DUers that shared their tales.

And thanks, Obamacares!
Posted by Scruffy Rumbler | Wed Jan 22, 2014, 01:31 PM (6 replies)

My heart goes out to the staff of the local hospital where the shooting in Sandy Hook took place.

I worked at the hospital in Florida where the victims of the Palm Bay shooter were brought. We were in emergency mode waiting and waiting to care for the injured but they never came. They died on the scene. It was devastating to hear the number of the victims climb, but none were making it to the hospital. The grief that came when we were released because after just a few came in no more living could be found, only the dead.

To see consummate professionals walking around doing their jobs with tears in their eyes was one of the most heart breaking days in my career.

So my heart goes out the the staff of the local hospital. Those that may have personal connections to the school. Those that are ready to perform their healing arts but have no patients.

And of course my heart goes out to the families still waiting to hear of their loved ones in the school and to those that have already learned the awful truth.

Peace.
Posted by Scruffy Rumbler | Fri Dec 14, 2012, 01:54 PM (4 replies)
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