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paulbibeau

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Member since: Tue Jul 10, 2012, 05:40 AM
Number of posts: 655

About Me

I write a blog of dark humor - Goblinbooks.com

Journal Archives

Dick Cheney: "Welcome Back To The Shadows, America."

Hello, old friends. Nice to see you again. I think it's time we had a chat. We're going to be here together for a while.

I'm not sure you understood me when I first said America would need to spend some time in the shadows. It was just after 9/11, and people weren't thinking clearly. Fear will do that to you, won't it? You start seeing monsters everywhere, and you freeze up. You look for someone, anyone to make the terror go away. You probably thought I was talking about sending spies and special operators into the dark corners of the world to do all the brutal things we'd need to do. Yes, that was part of it. But I was also talking about you. You're here in a kind of moral twilight with them. With me.

Just yesterday CNN reported that we're relaxing the rules about killing civilians during our air war against ISIS. The locals have already reported noncombatant casualties, but the US government hasn't confirmed it. You don't know every detail. So when you give your president a bump in the polls for prosecuting this war, you don't really have to think about whether we're going to end the lives of innocent people - a growing number as the situation deteriorates, which it will, because it always does, and you know that too, and also don't know it. The deaths that you cause will be numbers. Footnotes. Sentence fragments buried deep into news reports you'll barely skim. You won't have to see a tiny shoe beneath some rubble and know that it's all that remains of someone's child. This war has gone on for more than a decade, and you've never had to know those kinds of things.

You agree to it all, as long as we agree to punish anyone who tells you what's happening. You'll let the government have the authority it wants, but it must lie. Because if it lies to you then you're not the ones who are really monsters. No. The shadows - the moral twilight - they hide you from yourself. And it depends on people like me.

It makes me happy just to think about it. It makes me feel needed.

You really did love me all this time.

Didn't you?

BIBEAU NOTE:
We talk about our dead as if they were part of Schrodinger's experiment. As if it had spiraled out of control, the box closed and the one inside appearing everywhere and always out of reach.
Keep the box closed forever, and she'll follow you down each street.
Keep the box closed forever, and she'll never be far away.


The Black Book Of Children's Bible Stories is a novel of supernatural horror. It is about Scripture and language and loss. It is a text whose words are all around you. SEE IT HERE.

A Message From Jesus Christ On The Targeted Killings

You already kind of know what I'm going to say, don't you? Love your enemies, do unto others, all that stuff about the least of your brothers... I've gone on record about how you should treat each other. Sure, I didn't actually tell you, "Don't fire a mess of Tomahawks through someone's living room." I didn't think it would be necessary to spell it out. You Americans have a country absolutely packed to the ceiling with people who claim to follow me. But you are really, really comfortable with dropping high explosives on people.

Now we're going to talk about whether I was a pacifist, aren't we? I mean, what if you come across a bunch of bad guys who are going to do some harm to an innocent person? What if violence is the only way to prevent more violence? This is your way of dodging the question. Because you look reasonable if you make the choice between doing absolutely nothing in the face of evil... or airstrikes, home invasions, and encircling the world with a network of military bases. It's dishonest, and you know it. You guys say you're all about me, but you really act like the people who did that hilarious thing with those thorns. Enhanced interrogation, right? I sure know all about that. They were laughing while they did it. It was just like those news reports you don't think about. Like a prank gone too far. They were exactly the type to take selfies afterwards.

No, you always pretend this stuff is necessary. Always. You always excuse it. The pacifist thing is a way to make the job impossible. So that you can stop trying to be good. So that you can do all the terrible things you want to do. And you do want to do them. You're addicted to violence. Violence is your country's last and greatest export.

Let me clear something up: When I said that if you live by the sword you'll die by the sword, I wasn't giving a commandment from God. I was just giving advice. If you hit someone they'll hit you back. If you kill them so they can't hit back, their second cousin will pop out from around a corner tomorrow. Which means your brother has to burn that guy's house down, and this forces his tribe to slaughter your tribe. And so on. Until you live in a world where you have to spend every moment of every day doing hideous things to each other to stay safe, and it's never enough. And it won't be enough until the world runs out of people. That's how it works.

So many of you believe an Iron Age scroll is a solid science textbook, but you have trouble accepting that a first century Jew in occupied Palestine might know a thing or two about the nature of violence.

Forget I'm Me. Just consider the obvious. You've completed a 20-year cycle of escalating missile attacks, kidnappings, interventions, and turning your country into a giant prison. The result, they tell you, is that now the threat is even greater than before. And the solution? Let's do all the same things that worked so well the first time.

Stop being idiots. I really should have said it during the big speech on the mountain. But you probably wouldn't have listened to that either.

BIBEAU NOTE:
We talk about our dead as if they were part of Schrodinger's experiment. As if it had spiraled out of control, the box closed and the one inside appearing everywhere and always out of reach.
Keep the box closed forever, and she'll follow you down each street.
Keep the box closed forever, and she'll never be far away.

The Black Book Of Children's Bible Stories is a novel of supernatural horror. It is about Scripture and language and loss. It is a text whose words are all around you. SEE IT HERE.

A Message To America From An Old Friend

Hey. I'm over here in the shadow of the tree. I wanted to talk where we wouldn't be bothered.

The streetlights are really far apart in your neighborhood, aren't they? Lot of dark spaces. Maybe you need floods in front of your garage - the kind with motion sensors, you know? I've been telling you to upgrade your alarm system for a while now. Burglaries across the city. You need security that looks better than your neighbors. They pass you by and hit the next guy. It only makes sense.

Dangerous world, huh? It's going to get worse too. You know it's going to get worse. Someday you're going to be able to live in one of those gated communities. Have a solid private security force. Be able to check anyone before they move next to you. But you don't have that kind of money now. That's not the country you live in now.

Have you thought about getting a gun? I know what you're wife said. She's right about the kids. She's smart. But she's also naive. So what if you don't tell her? How about that? You could hide it somewhere - the vent behind the dresser, maybe. They wouldn't find it, and you'd have it close in case of an emergency. You need to protect the family. They'll thank you.

And that cellar window. You need new locks. And you haven't gotten the unlisted number yet. A lot of bad people out there.

And that young guy who lives just past the corner. What's his name, with the car. He rents the house. He has people coming over at all hours. A couple of robberies have happened nearby. He's doing something wrong. Maybe it's drugs. Anyway, he doesn't belong here. You don't want him near your kids. You don't want him, or his friends, those friends of his, near your wife. So do something about it. There are plenty of things you could do.

It's your home, you know? All that stuff they taught you in school. All that pledge of allegiance nonsense... That doesn't matter in the real world. Not when we're talking about your safety.

Get that guy to leave. Make him.

When it comes to your safety, you just do whatever's necessary. That's the way it is. It's the way it's always been. You're not a bad person. This is still America, right?

I'm glad we had this talk. I look forward to our chats out here. I really understand you. You and all your friends, all your neighbors. Everyone in your town. I've been here for a long time. And whatever you do, I'll always be here for you. I mean it.

Now you go back home now. Kiss those kids of yours.

Kiss them for me.

NOTE:
Once there was a haunted house hidden so well you might be living in it still... Please read The Black Book Of Children's Bible Stories - a novel about families and loss, and the ghosts that follow you everywhere.

A Message To America From An Old Friend

Hey. I'm over here in the shadow of the tree. I wanted to talk where we wouldn't be bothered.

The streetlights are really far apart in your neighborhood, aren't they? Lot of dark spaces. Maybe you need floods in front of your garage - the kind with motion sensors, you know? I've been telling you to upgrade your alarm system for a while now. Burglaries across the city. You need security that looks better than your neighbors. They pass you by and hit the next guy. It only makes sense.

Dangerous world, huh? It's going to get worse too. You know it's going to get worse. Someday you're going to be able to live in one of those gated communities. Have a solid private security force. Be able to check anyone before they move next to you. But you don't have that kind of money now. That's not the country you live in now.

Have you thought about getting a gun? I know what you're wife said. She's right about the kids. She's smart. But she's also naive. So what if you don't tell her? How about that? You could hide it somewhere - the vent behind the dresser, maybe. They wouldn't find it, and you'd have it close in case of an emergency. You need to protect the family. They'll thank you.

And that cellar window. You need new locks. And you haven't gotten the unlisted number yet. A lot of bad people out there.

And that young guy who lives just past the corner. What's his name, with the car. He rents the house. He has people coming over at all hours. A couple of robberies have happened nearby. He's doing something wrong. Maybe it's drugs. Anyway, he doesn't belong here. You don't want him near your kids. You don't want him, or his friends, those friends of his, near your wife. So do something about it. There are plenty of things you could do.

It's your home, you know? All that stuff they taught you in school. All that pledge of allegiance nonsense... That doesn't matter in the real world. Not when we're talking about your safety.

Get that guy to leave. Make him.

When it comes to your safety, you just do whatever's necessary. That's the way it is. It's the way it's always been. You're not a bad person. This is still America, right?

I'm glad we had this talk. I look forward to our chats out here. I really understand you. You and all your friends, all your neighbors. Everyone in your town. I've been here for a long time. And whatever you do, I'll always be here for you. I mean it.

Now you go back home now. Kiss those kids of yours.

Kiss them for me.

NOTE:
Once there was a haunted house hidden so well you might be living in it still... Please read The Black Book Of Children's Bible Stories - a novel about families and loss, and the ghosts that follow you everywhere.

The White House spokesperson's real statement about the war with ISIL

"The United States is at war with ISIL in the same way that we are at war with Al-Qaeda and its Al-Qaeda affiliates all around the globe," said White House spokesman Josh Earnest.

"...The same way we were at war with the Iraqi insurgents," he continued, "and the Taliban, both the Afghan and the Pakistani versions. And the way we were at war with the NVA, and with drugs, and with gangs, and with poverty..."

"But also the same way we were at war with the Communists," he added. "And you know what? We totally won that war!"

"Sort of," he said after a pause. "I mean, we owe them all this money. Mostly because they finance all our wars now."

Americans Give In To Fear (A 9/11 Message)



I've recently started doing readings of my work. More to come.

As Americans, We Totally Give In To Fear

My fellow countrymen:

This morning your president lied to you. At a ceremony honoring the victims and survivors of 9/11 he repeated an insidious and harmful fable. I don't blame the man. Honestly. He's only repeating something people in the political and media class have been telling you for more than a decade. But I have to confront the lie. We have to face the truth.

Here's what the president said:

We carry on, because, as Americans, we do not give in to fear.

That's ridiculous. What contemptible nonsense. Who the hell told him to say that? And what country does he think he's talking about?

Americans almost always give in to fear. Giving in to fear is what we do first, before we've tried anything else. Even things that might actually work. You don't have a military bigger than the next dozen militaries in the world unless you're literally scared of everyone else on the planet. On September 11 we witnessed countless acts of heroism, of course. Don't misunderstand me. But the vast majority of people in this country collectively crapped our pants, abandoned our core values, allowed our government to shred the parts of the Constitution it didn't like, and stuffed everyone with an accent into a detention facility. Then we began a campaign of invading all the countries on our to-do list and launching night raids and rocket attacks from flying killer robots. Does any of this sound like refusing to give in to fear?

Getting jumpy and hysterical about threats is what we do as a people. In the past few years we've repeatedly given in to our fear of - and this list is not comprehensive at all - drugs, gay people, African Americans, Mexicans, Iranians, Russians, Chinese, North Koreans, atheists, socialists, the UN, FEMA, Muslims, Arabs, Sikhs, the war against Christmas, the knockout game, the feminist agenda, vaccinations, rainbow parties, and sexting. Unless you are a white man who has just shot a crowd of people in a school, we are ready to overreact to you.

READ THE REST:
http://paulbibeau.blogspot.com/2014/09/as-americans-we-totally-give-in-to-fear.html#.VBH4WvldWSo

We'll Get A 4% Bump In Sales If The Cashiers Have Been Crying

We need to get more aggressive. You already know that. I didn't fly all the way up from Tampa to tell you people something you could have read in the last annual. We have to pump impulse purchases in the short term and Experience Club card enrollments over the entire quarter.

Now listen to me here: The key... is crying.

Yes, crying.

You already know the numbers on the mid-pressure suggestion strategy we put in place last year. We've tweaked it a few times, but we're certain we're at the peak now with associates alternating messaging between the store card and the promotional items. Then they go into high-pressure twice every fifteen minutes to avoid customer burnout and reach max impulse impact.

Anyway we did a pilot program in some of our stores recently, and we discovered the figures jump if the sales associate looks like he or she just came out of the restroom after sobbing for a full 30 minutes and then somehow got their crap together. Sobbing, okay? They don't have to look like someone hit their puppy with a car. They have to look like someone held them at fucking gunpoint and made them run the puppy over themselves.

READ THE REST
http://paulbibeau.blogspot.com/2014/09/well-get-4-bump-in-sales-if-cashiers.html#.VA8f9fldWSo

9/11 Anniversaries And The Existence Of Hell

Hell is real. You don't have to believe in anything to know it exists. That's one of its properties. There's no fire, clamor, chains, or stinking pitch. No monsters here. Hell is almost completely quiet.

It's always the blue hour, just before dark. A suburban street near a strip mall maybe, or an office park. A small cement plaza in a bedroom community. Perhaps the entrance to a subdivision with a brick gate and tasteful shrubs. It looks nearly like the place you live. Of course it could be any location. And the development stretches into the distance, so it's hard to know where you are.

You can't see the stars. You don't recognize people who walk past on the sidewalk or zip by in cars. This world is lit mostly by screens. They all seem to have one. Drivers glance at phones and bus bench commuters study their tablets. Massive televisions peek out from picture windows as they silence whole families sitting together. Constellations of them flicker in the dusk and illuminate the way for you. Each with a bit of text and a thumbnail, or a video feed. A different story happening in a different place. In the half-dark you hear everyone around you whisper about what they're seeing.

READ THE REST HERE
http://www.paulbibeau.blogspot.com/2014/09/911-anniversaries-and-existence-of-hell.html#.VA3AA_ldWSp

Party Loyalty Is For Hacks, Fools, And Operatives

Only Operatives have an excuse, and theirs is pretty poor.

Why is this important?

Because, my friends and colleagues of the left, 2014 promises to be yet another race to the bottom. The administration and the Democrats are going to continue with their festival of arrogance, incompetence, and obfuscation. They will continue treating the Fourth Amendment like a suggestion and foreign civilians like targets in a hideous videogame...

...And somehow the Republicans will prove that they're even worse!

It's mystifying. Every year it seems that Team Jackass lowers the bar as much as they can and every year the Republicans grease themselves up and somehow limbo under that mother. I really don't know how they do it.

But if you're a citizen and a writer of any sort, your job is clear. It's not to make excuses. It's to raise standards. It's to demand the basics. And it's always, always to cut through the spin and tell the truth - even when it looks bad for your side.

I remember how the Other Guys failed to do that during the last administration, and it - God, I hate this phrase - "tarnished the brand." But there are more important things than brands. If you have any integrity and self-respect, you already understand that. We can't allow the country to continue acting like a Gilded Age version of Skynet. When our guys are wrong, we have to demand better. It's a smart long-term strategy for Dems. But it's also the right thing to do.

Does this seem like a New Year's resolution? Not at all. This is the kind of thing we should always be doing, and many of us are. I try to do it. But reminders are nice.

UPDATE: I have a blog and one of the readers suggested I put a link here.

2nd UPDATE: There's a contingent on this thread that suggests my criticism of the drone war and 4th Amendment violations makes me some kind of Libertarian/Ron Paul nut. My question to readers is "Do you really have to support drone strikes and current NSA procedures to be a good Democrat?" My follow-up question is "Seriously? I mean, are you f-ing kidding me or what?"

3rd UPDATE: It's been brought to my attention that I am part of the corporate propaganda machine, and I am trying to sabotage the Democratic Party and possibly end life on earth. If this is true, somebody tell me where to pick up my check, because that crap sounds like it would really pay well.

4th Update: It's been brought to my attention that a number of you have little flecks of spit in the corners of your mouths. Go ahead and do something about it.

5th Update: It's been brought to my attention that a number of you, all issues of tone and style aside, really do think Democrats ought to just support drone strikes. My response to that is like the middle part of the "Aristocrats" joke, so I will not actually write it.

FINAL UPDATE... SEVERAL DAYS LATER:
I couldn't keep up with the madness, so at some point I had to go offline. I don't think anyone will ever read this update, but if you stumble upon it you should know that this was the most fun I've ever had on DU. Seriously. But one of best parts of this experience for me was the confirmation that DU, the progressive movement, and the Democratic Party have a sizeable number of people who really do believe that ideas drive your party affiliation, not the other way around. It was pretty inspiring. I think we honestly have more of those people than the other side, and it's a real strategic advantage. If you read DU regularly, you probably already know this.

Jeez, somebody needs to open a couple windows in here and run a vacuum or something. Ugh.
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