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Member since: Tue Jul 10, 2012, 05:40 AM
Number of posts: 703

About Me

I write a blog of dark humor - Goblinbooks.com

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Disturbance At The Reagan Museum - Mask Of Command

(This is a short story following paranormal events at the Reagan Museum in Simi Valley, CA. Here are Part 1 and Part 2)

September 11, 2015

"Andy said sometimes you have to save the client from himself." Henry's voice was hoarse from exhaustion, and his eyes were red. He'd told Lisa he was having problems getting to sleep after their shifts.

Henry claimed he smelled burning in spots all over the museum now. He was calling in reports of it to Lisa on the radio while they were separately patrolling the building.

"Let's be sure we make a note of it," he usually added. Lisa had not detected the burning scent after that first night. Following a few arguments about it, Henry no longer asked her to come to any of the locations to verify. She had found a report on a loose electrical connection in that initial spot, and she'd forwarded it to her boss.

"It's not that," Henry told her. "I know what it is."

He also said at one point that he'd finally remembered the scene the black and white movie had shown them. He wouldn't elaborate, and she didn't try to probe. She suspected he was seeing the video in other places, but for some reason he wasn't telling her.


Disturbance At The Reagan Museum

September 8, 2015

"Safety," Don Jespersen said. "It's all about safety. Obviously it's what we're concerned with, nowadays. I just need to make sure everyone involved feels safe."

He didn't elaborate. He didn't need to. Jespersen was a small-boned man with pale skin and thin black hair. His movements were quick and nervous. Like a mouse, Henry Talbot thought. He's like a scared mouse. But Talbot knew why, and he didn't blame Jespersen at all. In a week the Ronald Reagan Presidential Foundation And Library was going to host two debates for 16 of the top candidates in the GOP primary. CNN would cover it live for a nationwide audience.

And everyone knew the Reagan Place was the most haunted presidential library in America.

It wasn't like the cold spots and flickering lights at Nixon's facility. It went past that. Security guards disappeared from their shifts in the middle of the night. Their cars were found in the parking lot like they hadn't left the property, and they were never seen again. Visitors got nosebleeds and heard whispering voices near the California exhibit. There was a rumor that during a 2003 book signing, Ann Coulter shrieked like a cat in heat and spoke obscenities in Akkadian for 20 minutes. Urban legends claimed a clip of it existed, but no one had a live link. Several people complained of intense suicidal thoughts near Nancy's gowns. Jespersen admitted that three visitors had suffered fatal heart attacks while riding the dummy horse at Rancho del Cielo. Henry Talbot knew there were more, many more. Allegedly, the museum's Secret Service code name was "R'lyeh."

Read the rest HERE. More to come.

I Used To Be A Conservative Republican But I'm All Better Now, Thanks To Dick Cheney

I voted for George W. Bush. Twice.

I don't like admitting that. But it's true and important. Part of why I have become such a loud left-wing Democrat is that I am hoping we can develop time machine technology, so I can go back and find that Paul Bibeau guy before he starts screwing up. Maybe reading my blog will help him.

Anyway, fifteen years ago I was not only voting for GOP candidates, I actually gave money to the party, and I had a little card from them to carry in my wallet. I was literally a card-carrying Republican.

The story of how I got from there to here is kind of long and weird. It involves trying to join the CIA and discovering I was actually friends with an intelligence analyst who had turned into a bona fide 9/11 whistleblower. I wrote about her trip to Taliban-held Afghanistan here, and I will write about the entire tale in greater detail this week.

But I wanted to start with this: Dick Cheney saved me.

His dishonesty and immorality were so clear that they shook me up and made me reconsider everything I'd taken for granted - not just about the GOP, or about the conservative argument for a "strong defense," but about the nature of US foreign policy itself. The effect was that stark. Those of us who remember the Bush years know that what Cheney said and did, and their results, were undeniably awful on a scale we rarely see.

Cheney lied repeatedly about everything we were doing in the world. No, he didn't make mistakes from bad intelligence. No, he didn't make a lawyer's argument for his side. He lied to us... about the reasons we went to our wars, and about what we did in those wars. Millions of lives were ruined or destroyed as a result.

I bring it all up for two reasons:

The first is that Dick Cheney has just launched a book, and now he's doing the talk show circuit and writing op-eds for the Wall Street Journal. He clearly has a real audience out there. The second is that the GOP is going through a crack-up. Extreme conservatives like Ted Cruz and the people at sites like RedState and The Federalist are attacking the party establishment. And an even nastier and more extreme splinter group of racist Trump supporters are actually attacking the conservatives for not going far enough. The whole movement looks like it's ready to light itself on fire. And I know - I absolutely know - that these two things are related. Dick Cheney was such an obvious fraud and such a hideous warmonger that even very stupid people - like your faithful correspondent - could see it. Guys like me abandoned ship. And the people who remained? They are impervious to evidence and argument. They'd have to be.

I stopped being a Republican because there were just some things too terrible for me to consent to. But as for the rest... The conservative movement today is filled with the kind of people who still take Dick Cheney seriously.

And that explains everything.

THE BLACK BOOK OF CHILDREN'S BIBLE STORIES is about faith and loss, and a haunted house hidden so well you didn't notice you'd been living there your whole life. BUY IT HERE.

Let's Use #Trumpracists To Keep Track Of Donald Trump's White Supremacist Supporters

Over at my blog I started a list of white supremacists and white nationalists who have come out in favor of Donald Trump. He's actually generating a lot of interest in that community.

Here's a quote I found from The Grand Forks Herald:

"After white supremacist Craig Cobb tried and failed to start a whites-only enclave in the tiny North Dakota town of Leith, he set his sights on another community: Antler, population 20-something... Cobb wanted to turn the bank into a church for his racist religion, Creativity Movement, which teaches the superiority of white people. The residential lots would be for church members to settle and start a new community together. He also planned to change the town's name to "Trump Creativity," or "Creativity Trump," in honor of Donald Trump, who Cobb admires deeply."

The rest of my list is here.

Other media sources like Addicting Info and PRI are covering this, and I think it's important enough that we should pool resources. I want to use the Twitter hashtag #Trumpracists to keep track. Trump's a buffoon, but some of the scariest political groups in this country are following him. Let's make sure people know that.

Crooks And Liars Has Linked To My Hillary Clinton Conspiracy Project

The inestimable Crooks and Liars has posted a link to my Hillary Clinton UN/FEMA Conspiracy Project.

We're getting enough traction that I'm beginning to become crippled by the doubt and self-loathing that accompanies all great fiction projects.

Please read the first post - about the awful truth of the massive conspiracy - here.

And then, after you're properly confused, check out the FAQ here.

Many of you know I've spent some time developing the character of Conspiracy Theory Hillary. These are some earlier posts.

What am I mocking, exactly? Am I suggesting that Republicans will accuse her of actually being Lex Luthor and Richard III as they collectively freak out in a way that is very deeply entertaining... or am I suggesting that Hillary Clinton has a bit of a Lex Luthor vibe about her?

Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.

The project is not just about her anyway. It's broader than that. Anyway, it's good that an audience is gathering. I promise to make things interesting for you.

More later.

The Truth Behind The Hillary Clinton UN/FEMA Conspiracy (In Handy FAQ Form!)

What the hell was that thing you posted yesterday?
Yesterday I posted Hillary Clinton And The Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad UN/FEMA Conspiracy - the opener to a larger fiction project which will follow the 2016 election. It is a story set in a conspiracy theory world which will reflect and explain the madness you're going to watch on the news as we pick the next US president.

What do you mean by that?
I will tell a story of characters connected to the people running for office. The characters have discovered the shocking truth of the massive conspiracy behind the US political and economic system. And now they are fighting for their lives as the election unfolds in real time.

How will the story unfold in real time?
As I post different "chapters" of the story, it will reflect events that have just happened - the results of polls, debates, and primaries. Insane gaffes and scandals will drive the plot. And of course, new candidates might enter and current candidates will leave.

So you haven't written it yet?
I am finishing the map of the world behind the scenes - the people involved and what they want, what they must accomplish. I will use what I know to respond to events as they happen.

What does the timeline on this thing look like?
I will post a few new items through November to keep you updated. Around that time the posts will become more frequent as the election starts to heat up. By the time we get into the primaries I will be posting chapters immediately after major events. I'm hoping to develop a readership who will follow the conspiracy - checking back with it to see how the story is responding to what they saw on TV the night before. I plan to post the thrilling conclusion right after the election.

So it's like a Choose Your Own Adventure?
Sort of. I think of it like one of my bizarre blog posts that fictionalize the lives of political leaders in a way that makes them make sense.

But improvised.

So it's like a Choose Your Own Adventure.
Fine. Call it whatever you want.

Any other ways you make this even crazier?
I'm going to try to weave real internet chatter and links into the storyline, so it blurs the boundary between the conspiracy and the truth even more. A comment war on a rightwing website say, or selection from Twitter.

Why? What's the point?
It's kind of a meditation on how paranoia is driving American politics. It's also an interesting way to deal with what might be a really, really depressing year.

Give us a teaser.
One of the main characters played Grimace in the Donald Trump McDonald's commercials. It was 2002 during the runup to the Iraq War and the start of Friendster. Something happened on that set.

Give me your questions and comments below, and I will respond.

Hillary Clinton And The Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad UN/FEMA Conspiracy

Call me Josh.

Before I tell you who I am and how I know what I know... Let me just say that Donald Trump is not actually working for Hillary Clinton. Five of the GOP candidates are really Clinton operatives, but Donald Trump isn't one of them. Hillary Clinton has the entire election locked. Her team will try to destroy everyone else before this is over. It'll be fun to watch. But that's not the weird part. The weird part is that the people behind her are the United Nations and the Federal Emergency Management Agency. They want Hillary Clinton in place as part of their conspiracy to continue dominating the US government.

Yes, I said "continue." The schemes Glenn Beck and the Oath Keepers are raving about? They've been in place for eight years. Don't worry, though. It's a good conspiracy. Promise. We have a secret gun tracking program, but we also buy schoolbooks for your kids, and we keep you from eating the near-lethal amounts of sodium they want to put in your corn chips. We're everywhere, and we're often the reason you're still alive. You have no idea how bad things have gotten.

I guess I'd better explain.

I'm a 38 year-old Canadian consultant and kind of a spy. I graduated from the University of Toronto in the late 1990s, and I came to New York City for a clerical job in the UN. My first assignment was as a gopher for the Assistant to the Undersecretary of the Deputy Minister of Who The Fuck Cares. The United Nations is a massive, sprawling bureaucracy, and there are many opportunities for a young guy who's good with people and has no options whatsoever. I found one - the office was buried down in the basement where the air conditioning system was brutally freezing in the summer and broiling hot in the winter. The condensation dripped off the ductwork and settled into the acoustic tile, which wilted and sometimes sprouted brightly colored patches of mold.

Three analysts and two assistants occupied a cluster of tiny rooms at the end of an enormous cement hallway - echoey, poorly lit and almost abandoned. Some days the lights in the hall flickered off for no reason.

The head guy - let's call him Steve - was about 60 years old. He was a slight, thin man with a quiet, gentle way of talking. He had straight, neatly combed white hair, and he always wore three-button suits. Not flashy, but perfectly pressed. Even in the middle of a New York summer - or a brutally hot radiator winter - he managed to look put together. He spoke Yank almost perfectly, but occasionally he’d clip his words strangely around the edges. You could tell he was from somewhere else. I thought he might be from Central Europe, but I couldn’t be certain where. As close as we got - he was like Gandalf, Aslan, and my dad to me some days - I never knew his last name. We didn’t go by last names down in the basement. On paper everyone was “Brown,” or “Miller,” “Black” or “Porter.”

Our Department’s mission was to study what we called “the American Crisis.”

You have a mass shooting every few weeks and new war every five years - your entire culture is bubbling over with fantasies of violence. Rich people are becoming as wealthy and powerful as small countries, while your working classes are maxing out their credit cards and eating catfood. This is basically what Steve told me on my first day at the Department. I'm paraphrasing, of course. But then he said something to me that I always remembered precisely. I will tell you his exact words:

“America is the kind of batcrap place you really need to keep an eye on.”


Six Months Before The Planned Parenthood Video, Backer Described Goal To Shut Off Clinic Access

An investigation into Planned Parenthood is not the point. The videos don't show evidence of a crime, but that's not the point.

These videos are part of a shift in the strategy of the anti-abortion movement to shut down clinics and limit access. In a January 2015 interview, Troy Newman, one of the backers of the video project, described how he had stopped trying to change the law and was now adopting this new plan:

That abortionist has a real office... And so when we start thinking strategically and tactically on how we can focus in on that particular place and close it down. In other words, shutting off the supply side of the abortion industry.

Press reports about the Planned Parenthood videos state that the "sting" project took more than a year to implement. So while Newman was saying these things, he was aware the videos were coming. During that same month, Newman elaborated on the strategy in a clip for the conservative WorldNetDaily (video below):

We're excited about our gains that 75 percent of all the nations abortion clinics have closed. We're excited that there were once 2,200 abortion clinics, and there are now 550. But we will not relent, we will not stop speaking for the unborn children, until every abortion clinic like this one behind us is closed...

Politico details the growing effort by Congressional Republicans to cut hundreds of millions of dollars for Planned Parenthood as a result of the video:

Congress’ planned crackdown on Planned Parenthood is looking increasingly real.
Republican leaders are weighing a series of votes to defund Planned Parenthood - possibly beginning before the August recess...

And Roll Call has reported that Republican lawmakers knew about the controversy weeks before it would happen:

Rep. Tim Murphy, a member of the House Pro-Life Caucus and chairman of the Energy and Commerce subcommittee looking into the video, said at a Wednesday news conference he’d seen the clip weeks before. Asked afterward why he and others waited until this week to take action, Murphy struggled for an answer before abruptly ending the interview with CQ Roll Call, saying he should not be quoted and remarking, “This interview didn’t happen.”

The anti-abortion movement doesn't need Planned Parenthood investigated to see whether it committed a crime. They don't need to get to the bottom of this, because the trumped-up outrage will help kill the funding, and the funding is the issue. It's part of Troy Newman's larger vision for a country in which access to abortion is gone and Roe v. Wade is moot.

NOTE: There is disturbing evidence of criminal activity by the group behind the video. I wrote about it on my blog. Please read.

A Message From The Sun That Shines Out Of Scott Walker's Ass

Hi there! I'm a beam of golden light sailing down to warm the earth straight from the heavenly crack of Scott Walker's ass with a message of hope for America.

Don't worry, guys! Your troubles are over. Scott Walker's got this. God spoke personally to him to tell him he needs to run for the most powerful job in the world as part of the cosmic plan. You can't argue with that kind of logic, can you? So I'm here to radiate sparkling beauty throughout this plane of existence from deep within the holy anal sphincter of the governor of Wisconsin. Let the glory that issues from the rectal cavity of this Midwestern politician ease your anxieties. Take it easy, nation.

Many of you might be skeptical.

"Don't a lot of people from the GOP talk this kind of nonsense?" you might ask.

Don't they always seem to use religion to justify their desire for power in a way that's hypocritical and creepy? Shouldn't that kind of weapons grade arrogance almost disqualify anyone from a position where you could literally kill everyone on the planet in the space of a busy afternooon? Didn't we elect a guy like that, and didn't he really fuck the country up good and proper?

I understand. Your doubts are normal, for no human being could fully understand the plan. No one could look deep within Scott Walker's mysterious glowing meat-flaps and comprehend. Believe me, it would shake you to your core if you really knew what was in there.

Just know that my message of joy is for you, America. Scott Walker is talking to you through me. He's talking right out of his ass.

THE BLACK BOOK OF CHILDREN'S BIBLE STORIES is about faith and loss, and a haunted house hidden so well you didn't notice you'd been living there your whole life. BUY IT HERE.

Huckabee Has Links To The Hate Group That Helped Radicalize Dylann Roof

The Daily Beast is reporting that Dylann Roof's manifesto has been found. In it, Roof claims the first website he found which radicalized him was owned by a hate group called the Council of Conservative Citizens.

The links between this group and the GOP are numerous, but they don't touch on many relevant players in the party of the elephant.

With one exception - an actual 2016 GOP contender, Mike Huckabee.

Making coded appeals to white racism is nothing new for Huckabee. Indeed, well before he was a nationally known political star, Huckabee nurtured a relationship with America's largest white supremacist group, the Council of Conservative Citizens. The extent of Huckabee's interaction with the racist group is unclear, but this much is known: he accepted an invitation to speak at the group's annual conference in 1993 and ultimately delivered a videotaped address that was "extremely well received by the audience."
This appeared in a HuffPo article in 2011.

Mike Huckabee shouldn't be in the race. You already knew that. But this ought to take him out.
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