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Ron Obvious

Profile Information

Gender: Male
Current location: Seattle
Member since: Tue Dec 13, 2011, 10:37 PM
Number of posts: 2,723

About Me

I got the nickname Ron Obvious because -- in addition to being a huge Python fan -- my name really is Ron and I used to start sentences with \"Obviously\" a lot. Obviously, that\'s no longer a problem.

Journal Archives

Did you know chlorine tablets warp your seals?

I've been trying to do some home plumbing for the first time in my life, and just fixed two toilets with completely warped seals. An easy fix, even for someone as far from mr. fixit as you can get like me.

Did you know that putting those chlorine tablets in your toilet will warp your seals, causing your toilet to leak? I didn't. They told me at the hardware store.

So why do they even sell the damn things then? Bizarre.

So stop using chlorine tablets in your toilet. Your seals will thank you.

Life is so bloody short...

I recently had a near-death experience and spent 3 weeks in intensive care with heart failure, hovering close enough to the Gate to hear the Angel of Death flap his wings...

All I could think of was "I'm barely 50 years old. This isn't fair. This can't be real. Dammit, how can this be real? Oh God, how will I tell my wife? How will she cope?. This isn't fair. Death is for other people, not me. Oh God, how can life continue as normal for the people outside my window? I hate them. How can the doctors and nurses joke and laugh when the universe will end soon? God, this can't be real... Death is for other people... This is is so unreal... It's supposed to me at the other side of the bed providing false comfort to the patient, not me BEING the patient... This can't be real.... I am the protagonist in this story, aren't I? It can't happen to me... When I die, the universe dies... Oh God, let me live -- my wife can't cope. God, even though I don't believe in you, I'm sincerely asking you to let me live for her sake. I'm not being selfish -- She can't cope. This is really happening -- I won't wake up from this to find it was just a dream..."

As it happens, I'm making a spectacular recovery and feel terrific, contrary to what three doctors and a senior nurse told me to expect. I've made out my will, and thrown out a tonne of stuff I don't want to be found after my death, but I feel so liberated and alive right now you wouldn't believe. I'm as giddy as a schoolboy.

Have I learnt anything from this? I don't know. Just that a human life is too short. Having lived a half-century, I can envision a full century. It's not enough for me . Not nearly enough. Not by a long shot. I'd need a thousand years just to read the books I've already bought... A thousand years, please. It's not too much to ask... is it?

No wonder Blade Runner is my favourite film. Man confronts his maker and asks why he has so little time. The maker doesn't know. Man kills his maker. Man accepts his lot. Man dies....

Reading this back, I think I sound self-involved and Narcissistic. I don't think I'd like me, if this were all I know about me.

So, life is too short. Big insight, eh? Woohoo!

Please indulge and forgive me.

My most shocking moment from when I was a heavy alcoholic.

In the not so distant past I was a very heavy drinker. I have a vague recollection of getting up in the middle of the night one time to go to the toilet and I must have slipped and hit my head on the sink pretty hard, drawing blood. It barely registered and I went back to bed.

Sometime near noon the next day, I woke up with a cracked forehead in a puddle of blood to find that my wife had left me and had written a goodbye message on my chest with a Sharpie marker. In the bathroom sink there was a pool of blood that partially explained my situation.

I remember feeling very sorry for my self. I remember looking at the message written on my chest in horror.

I was shocked.

I was horrified.

I was appalled.

I mean, how could she misspell the word 'asshole' like that?
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