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Godot51

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Member since: Wed Sep 22, 2010, 08:34 PM
Number of posts: 202

Journal Archives

Songs for guns

I Bought a Gun


One day I bought a shotgun
and I looked at my shotgun
and its shells
and I said quietly to myself: "Courage".
But for some reason my heart still shrank
and my hands still trembled
and I felt alone and small
as I watched the others stride around me;
and I said quietly to myself: "I need more".

So, one day, I bought a rifle
and I looked at my rifle
and its cartridges
and I said aloud: "Courage".
But somehow courage eluded me
and my eyes darted about
and I felt at ill at ease
as I watched the others stride around me;
and I said aloud: "I need more".

So, I one day, I bought a revolver
and I looked at my revolver
and its bullets
and I said in a clear, firm voice: "Courage".
But why was my heart still so small
and why was I nervous
and feeling uncomfortable
as I watched the others stride around me;
and I said in my clear, firm voice: "I need more".

So, one day, I bought an automatic
and I looked at my automatic
and its magazine
and I said in a loud voice: "Courage".
But where was the courage I wanted
and I found myself shying away
and why did I feel so alone
as I watched the others stride around me;
and I said in my loud voice: "I need more".

So, one day, I bought a semi-automatic rifle
and I looked at my semi-automatic rifle
and its extended magazine
and I screamed: "Courage".
But I didn't find my courage in my guns
and I didn't find it in myself
and I felt too much to bear
as I watched the others stride around me;
and I screamed my scream: "I need more".

So, one day, I took my guns with me
and I looked at my guns
and all their ammunition
and I softly said to myself: "Courage".
But for some reason my heart shrank
and my hands still trembled
and I felt alone and small
as I watched the others stride around me:
and I softly said to myself: "Maybe tomorrow..."

Poems on Kindness in a Time of War

Ophelia


I await my daughter's return to me
but balance shifts and becomes imbalance
and all powers fail to return the balance
decay sets in
the spring of the clock loosens
and only entropy remains
what was once immutable and sacred
is changed and corrupted.

How much of the fault lies within
within the mother within the daughter within me
this cannot be contemplated
would I find fear in place of duty
and which duty is required
the protection the lesson the release
and in what part of me is the answer
the mind the soul the heart.

The first time my daughter drowned
I caught her easily
and whisked her away from the danger
the pounding heart belied the steady voice
and fear like bile rose in my throat
but after I'd swallowed even I could pretend
that nothing had occurred
and all was at peace again

The second time she drowned
was not so easy
I scrabbled hard across the rocks
cutting deep blood tingeing the water
but was it for her or for me
that I flung myself and with bloodslick hands
pulled her forth
wondering if I should let her free.

And then she drowned a third time
and I wasn't there
and the waters took her away
and when I saw her body
picture perfect yet left of life
my soul exploded like a hollow thing
a heart of ash crumpled in my chest
but I never knew for whom this occurred.

In the balance in dreams
I see my arrival before she is gone
watching unsure in motionless motion
I see her face descending
the hand the fingers flicker
and all time stops
drowning always drowning
with her fingers always out of reach.

The Animal Poems

The Silent Spaces

I. The Awakening

When I first awoke a hand touched me
and it felt of kindness and love
and trust, the promise of safety and security
I learned to love the touch in an instant
through the skin all the way to my heart and soul
I learned to await the moments of caress
and savored each as if it would continue forever.

When I first awoke the scent surrounded me
and it smelled of love and kindness
and trust, the promise of safety and security
I learned to love the scent in an instant
replacing the scent of my mother in my heart and soul
I learned to await the times when it filled me
and savored each as if it would continue forever.

When I first awoke I tasted that which held me
and I drank of the kindness and love
and trust, the promise of safety and security
I learned to love the taste in an instant
it sated me as if it filled my heart and soul
I learned to await every bite of belief
and savored each as if it would continue forever.

When I first awoke I saw the face above me
the look of gentle love and kindness
and trust, the promise of safety and security
I learned to love the sight in an instant
filling my eyes, my being, my heart and soul
I learned to await the coming, every appearance
and savored each as if it would continue forever.

When I first awoke the sound engulfed me
and I heard the kindness and love
and trust, the promise of safety and security
I learned to love the sound in an instant
hearing fulfilled my being unto my heart and soul
I learned to love the arrival of the sounds
and savored each as if it would continue forever.

II. The Letting Go

When I last closed my eyes the hand lingered
and it still felt of kindness and love
and trust, the promise of safety and security
but I have learned many kinds of touches
the kind and the cruel on my heart and soul
I learned to love the caresses unconditionally
and savored each as if it would continue forever.

When I last closed my eyes the scent lingered
and still I smelled the love and kindness
the trust, the promise of safety and security
but I have learned many kinds of scents
both wary and eager for my heart and soul
I learned to love the knowledge they brought
and savored each as if it would continue forever.

When I last closed my eyes the taste lingered
I yearned to drink the kindness and love
the trust, the promise of safety and security
but I have learned many kinds of tastes
the sweet and the bitter pierce my heart and soul
I learned to await the feasts and the hunger
and savored each as if it would continue forever.

When I last closed my eyes the image lingered
a look of sorrow filled with love and kindness
and trust, the promise of safety and security
but I have learned many kinds of sights
gentle, angry and indifferent to my heart and soul
I learned to treasure every appearance
and savored each as if it would continue forever.

When I last closed my eyes the sound lingered
a sad litany of regret, pain, kindness and love
and trust, the promise of safety and security
but I have learned many kinds of sounds
silence, whispers, calls, shouts in my heart and soul
I learned to love the silent spaces, to wait
and savored each as if it would continue forever.

Poems on Kindness in a Time of War

the other side

a broken insect
struggles across a road
to the other side

Poems on Kindness in a Time of War

clench


when i learned that my son was dead
something clenched deep inside
though my face made no change
except maybe a twitch under my left eye

i saw my wife collapse on the kitchen floor
all the bones of her body gone
but i could not move to help her
not until the twitch under my eye let me

in the days that followed my eye grew calm
and unreality moved about me
i swam inside it like the sea
neither warm nor cool nor shallow nor deep

my wife formed bones again strangely stiff
i could almost feel them pushing my hands away
a hard ghost stood between us now
his touch too much to bear

a closed coffin built by anotherís hands
mocked the tools skills and material
i knew well what my son knew
the better craftsman than his father

when the builder builds he asks not why
his imagination too narrow to see
that the building will eventually fall
and another builder build again

the creator creates us finite and weak
our struggle so great we need no help
in discovering new ways to die
so rages my mind

my son one of many in the foreign place
one of many fallen into whose hands
of the many families who grieve
who can never unclench again

Poems on Kindness in a Time of War

A Song of Ghosts


When I washed my hands for the 20th time that day
I stared in the mirror above the sink
as I dried my hands
a hollow eyed ghost stared back at me.

My lips parted to speak
and the ghost's lips parted, too
so I waited to hear what he had to say
but the words whispered out and I could not tell.

Once again I started to speak
and once again I waited in deference
and I strained my ears as he spoke
and he said "sorry, I'm sorry".

I nodded as if I understood
and waited longer to invite
any other word he cared to speak
but he slowly shook his head and I shook mine, too.

So at last I could say what I wanted to say
and as I spoke the ghost shook his head
his hollow eyes grew more hollow
his haunted face grew more haunted.

I spoke to the ghost and he shook his head
even I could not hear the words I spoke
I wondered if I'd become deaf after all
but the ghost assured me that I hadn't.

I caste my eyes up and down
I glanced from left to right
and turned my head to look over my shoulder
but there was no ghost nearby.

Then I stared straight ahead
into the mirror of the past
into the mirror of the future
straining for a glimpse of the now.

The ghost stared back without emotion
and when I started to speak he turned his head
so I hesitated
and washed my hands again.

The Animal Poems

When I Was an Animal

When I was an animal
I tasted the animal tastes
such as blood, feces and urine
and savored each in turn
my tongue delicate and wise
without disgust or revulsion.

When I was an animal
I smelled the animal scents
such as fear, anger and despair
and they prompted my responses
my nose leading my mind
without thought or reason.

When I was an animal
I saw the animal sights
such as teeth, claws and snouts
and was quick to react and attack
my eyes weak and dim
without true color or discernment.

When I was an animal
I felt the animal feelings
such as hunger, pain and cold
and each lesson learned lessened
my sensitivity ground down
without empathy or love.

When I was an animal
I heard the animal sounds
such as groans, grunts and howls
and the cacophony outside
my ears heard as a symphony
without rhythm or time.

When I was an animal
I thought the animal thoughts
such as then, now and when
and they built a senseless fury
my mind tied to my senses
without past or future.

Now I am not an animal,
isn't that nice?

Poems on Kindness in a Time of War

reason

a violent boy
with a red-headed Irish temper
went to war
his gun repressed his anger
his rifle defined him
the grenade, lobbed far,
took bits of his rage with it
and exploded like fear

each step a step to madness
each bout of madness
stripped another layer of veneer
he laughed at death
and cursed the dead
both friend and foe
wondering at their smallness,
their insignificance

how could a man
be held in such a sad husk
he gloried in invincibility
that others might fall, but not him
death was all around him
and he killed always from a distance
crouching behind the splinter shield
of the twin fifties

he thought he knew deathís face
name, rank and number
though he had never brushed its hand:
then he met his enemy
stumbling over something soft
hearing the muffled groan
his rifle locked and loaded,
he met his enemyís eyes

of course he pulled the trigger
it was what he was trained to do
but a moment of eternity passed there
and he learned fear
his red-headed temper swaggered still
yet he was a hollow man
living among other hollow men
each unaware of the others

he lived with this another 35 years
until his hand gave in
to the call of the gun
he had bought for no certain reason
to clear his mind
and bring the circle to completion
through the stench and the haze
to where he met his enemy once more

Poems on Kindness in a Time of War

FNG

"Who was he?"
"Nobody,
just a fucking new guy."

Here comes that same old song and dance again...

If a gun is simply a tool, why don't you build me a house with your guns? Or raise a crop?

A hammer is a tool. It could be a weapon but its primary function is a tool and it works beautifully at that.

A gun is a weapon, not a tool. A gun has no function except killing: animals and humans.

So please, go hunting with a simple shotgun or hunting rifle but spare me the need of "the right to bear arms".

Sure, you can "bear" a flintlock rifle or a musket but not a handgun of any type and certainly not a military weapon.

And how about age limits, training, testing and licensing and license renewal?

You need a minimum of these to get a drivers' license so why not a gun, nationwide, America? You are becoming a human slaughterhouse with no morals or ethics.

What other developed country allows murder and killing so freely than the U.S.?

And don't raise that argument that you can kill without guns, of course you can. But not with the ease and the distance. To kill with one's hands, a knife or a hammer requires an intimacy, face to face: smell, touch, sight, sound and even taste.

If you have to own a gun and you have to kill someone when you're angry, scared, distraught or mentally unbalanced please do us one favor: test your gun on yourself first.

Gun owner's rights? How about non-owner's rights? Victims' rights.

At one time people in the U.S. were able to smoke freely and pollute the air around them and affect those around them with secondary smoke. Gradually, kicking and screaming, smokers were tamed. The rights of the victims outweighed the selfishness of the drug users.

Do people still smoke? Of course. The tobacco industry is spreading itself bigger and better and more globally than ever.

But at least, for a portion of the non-smokers, the vehicles we ride in, the stores we shop in, the offices we work in have become cleaner, safer and healthier.

It's time for sanity to control guns and gun laws, not insanity...
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