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Flying Squirrel

Profile Information

Member since: Fri Aug 20, 2010, 06:40 PM
Number of posts: 2,957

About Me

I am the same DU member who formerly posted under the name FlyingSquirrel (no space) on DU2. If you are reading this as the result of an alert: I have never once claimed that I will not vote for the Democratic nominee this November. Ask for a link and read carefully. :)

Journal Archives

Copurrrrnicus: A further study in black & white

Posted by Flying Squirrel | Tue Apr 28, 2015, 03:54 AM (2 replies)

*** DUzy Awards - May 31 - June 8, 2014 ***

TGI…T! And welcome to….


Special thanks to everyone who contributed to this edition -- either by:

responding to a post with "DUzy" in the subject line,

or by sending me a PM.

The DUzy awards couldn't happen without you!

On an OP by Mira  

Have we seen this gem of a photograph of our President in a bookstore? It warms my heart to see it.

I can just about hear his laugh and feel his joy about winning over these losers

question everything  

1. Curious whether he purchased any (nt)


8. He didn't need to

The White House purchases the highest quality toilet paper on the market. The days of having to tear pages out of Republican books have ended.

Dark n Stormy Knight  

31. That photo is awesome, but it's missing something...

A day-glo orange 1$ clearance sticker on the book.


On an OP by alp227  

Reince Priebus: Hillary is ‘disqualified’ from running for president because of Benghazi

Republican National Committee (RNC) Chairman Reince Priebus on Sunday argued that Hillary was not even qualified to run for president because Americans had died during a terrorist attack in Benghazi while she was secretary of state. 

In leaked chapter of her upcoming book, Hard Choices, Clinton said that Republicans who “exploit this tragedy over and over as a political tool minimize the sacrifice of those who served our country.” 

“I will not be a part of a political slugfest on the backs of dead Americans,” she wrote. “It’s just plain wrong, and it’s unworthy of our great country. Those who insist on politicizing the tragedy will have to do so without me.” 

Speaking to Fox News host Chris Wallace on Sunday, Priebus accused Clinton of “playing politics with this from the very beginning.” 


Blue Owl  

1. The Fresh Reince of Hot Air


12. Blather, Reince


The Magistrate  

28. Drop The Vowels, Sir, The Name Reads RNC PR BS....

McCamy Taylor  

55. She is "disqualified" because they don't have anyone who can beat her and it isn't fair.

Spitfire of ATJ  

61. When did being "qualified" matter to Republicans?


On an OP by Warren Stupidity  

Men who watch pornography have small


If you watch porn, you probably have a small brain, a new study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) shows. 

The study, conducted by the Max Plank Institute for Human Development in Berlin, found a significant negative correlation between frequent pornography consumption and grey matter in the brain (that’s the stuff that tells your brain how to react to sensory information.) 

The keyword here is correlation. While the study’s findings are significant, the researchers don’t know if it’s the porn that causes the low grey-matter volume in porn-watchers, or if it’s the other way around. It could be a neurological pre-condition that makes watching porn particularly satisfying. 



7. does it say in which head?

inquiring minds


59. No agree! Post maek me mad!


80. This is why

I do Sudoku and Crossword Puzzles at the same time I watch porn. I figure they cancel each other out, and my brain remains normal sized. 


84. What does watching porn make small on a woman?

I hope it is my butt. I'll start watching more if you say my butt!


On an OP by TheMightyFavog  

Are the reich wingers bitching about Tonight's Cosmos yet?

Tyson is not pulling punches on Climate Change.

Blue Owl  

4. The Neil in their coffin



15. Probably not.

They won't get their talking points until the morning.


OP by mindwalker_i  

My wife just kicked me out of the kitchen

She said that because I had been drinking (just a little mead), I couldn't cur onions. Or mushrooms. WTF?! Guy tries to help make dinner, gets his ass kicked. 


1. Curing onions requires a clear head.


79. It also requires an ice rink, and some brooms. And a couple of Canadians.

But he's going to lose. Onions are too light.

Wayyyy too many DUzys in this thread, I wouldn't want to be accused of curing out the best ones -- so…. DUzy to everyone who posted in the thread! Follow the link and enjoy:


On an OP by undeterred  

Pastor orders female congregants to come to church with no underwear for Christ to enter

There are reports of a Kenyan pastor who has ordered all female congregants to go to the church 'free' - That is without bras and panties for Christ to enter their lives. 

According to kenyan-post.com, Reverend Njohi of the Lord's Propeller Redemption Church in Nairobi reportedly advised female worshippers against wearing any undergarments to the church, calling them ungodly. 

In a meeting chaired by him, a law was passed banning the wearing of inner wears. Njohi claims that when going to church, people need to be free in 'body' and 'spirit' to receive Christ. 

He went ahead to warn members of dire consequences if they secretly put on their inner wears. A member of the church who pleaded anonymity said at last Sunday's service, women dressed as the pastor had ordered without bras and panties. Mothers were also advised to do same and check their daughters when coming to church on Sundays so as to receive Christ too. 

I am not making this up: http://www.bulawayo24.com/index-id-news-sc-religion-byo-43603.html


1. ahhh, yes....the Sharon Stone worship technique.

Propeller, eh?


2. Commando Christianity. nt

Baitball Blogger  

7. I remember when I thought "genuflect" was a nasty word.

But this is really screwing with my mind.

Wolf Frankula  

5. Lord's Propeller?

This has to be a joke. 



11. .


13. Please turn to page 5 in your missal...


14. "Jiggling for Jesus" is the likely explanation. nt

winter is coming  

17. I always thought that Spanx were the work of the devil. n/t


21. It's now easy to spot the non-repentant. They are sitting with their legs crossed.


23. Locking Christ out with a cross.


On an OP by eridani  

Colorado Weed Sales Raise Huge Amounts in Taxes and Crime Down 10 Percent


All the naysayers who were against marijuana legalization are eating crow about now. Colorado’s weed sales just keep trending up, and with the sales of legal weed, they are improving their schools and reducing overall crime rates. 

Not counting medicinal weed sales, Colorado sold nearly $19 million in their recreational weed market in the month of March, and $1.9 million of that goes straight into government coffers and towards building schools. At this pace, according to PolicyMic, Colorado will make $30 million this year in pot taxes alone. 

What’s even more promising is that these numbers are still low estimates, as the recreational and medicinal marijuana markets (coinciding just fine, take note Washington) are likely to keep trending upward. Many say that a figure closer to $60 million in weed tax revenue is a more likely assumption. Medical marijuana is also not as heavily taxes as recreational marijuana, and hopefully it will stay that way. 

Crime rates in Colorado have dropped by 10.6% while Dunkin Donuts has begun expanding its brand in the state (really). It looks like a really good future for people living in Colorado, or any state that legalizes both medical and recreational marijuana – though it is admittedly too early to tell.The cherry on top of this tax-generating cake? Crime rates are also down in Colorado, so while kids are hopefully going to get a better education, the government (idealistically) will spend more money improving infrastructure and other business opportunities for Colorado citizens, and unemployment rates are plummeting. The Colorado police can take a little rest from their duties.


12. "Come on Tennessee, don't let Colorado bogart all the good legislation!"

Don't bogart that joint, Denver 
Pass it on to Nashville! 
Don't bogart that joint, Denver 
Pass it on to Nashville! 

Tax another one, 
Just like the other one, 
Colorado's been makin' cash 
Tennessee now needs a stash! 

Don't bogart that joint, Denver 
Pass it on to Nashville! 
Don't bogart that joint, Denver 
Pass it on to Nashville! 

Taaaaaxxxxx another one, 
Just like the other one, 
We want what you got, too 
To increase our revenue 

Don't bogart that joint, Denver 
Pass it on to Nashville! 
Don't bogart that joint, Denver 
Pass it on to Nashville! 


On an OP by n2doc  

Professor With Incredible Beard Fired For Unknowingly Appearing On A Beer Bottle

I don’t have a strong facial hair game. It’s quite poor. I’m not proud of it, but those were just the cards I was dealt. Paul Roof, however, is not a man who suffers from the same debilitating circumstances that I do. 

Roof is an associate professor at Charleston Southern University in South Carolina. He is also the proud owner of an incredible beard, one that leads him to enter competitions across the nation. 

At a competition in New Orleans, Roof’s impeccably styled beard was photographed by a professional photographer, and unbeknownst to him, was subsequently discovered by Holy City Brewing. The brewery, also located in the Charleston area, seemed to have a bit of an infatuation with the image, and it chose to use the photograph on the label for its Chucktown Follicle Brown beer, which is an awfully named beer to say the least. 

Roof was fired recently, thanks to the brewery’s use of the image and its promotion of a “non-Christian environment.” In fact, Roof had no idea his imagine was used in the marketing of the beer until he was fired, claiming he gave no one permission to use his photograph. He also stated he never received any form of compensation. 



1. "Prof. says beard, beer got him canned at CSU"

Isn't that a better headline? 

From Charleston Post and Courier 

Love some headline writers. 


2. Probably a lawsuit brewing.

He'd should hop on this. They could have at yeast asked him before using his image.


4. I could see this issue coming to a head.

A good lawyer would pour over this case .


8. I'm sure he fermently disagrees with his firing

I Amstel at a loss myself.


12. I barley understand it myself.

winter is coming  

6. Next, they'll fire someone for letting their collie appear in a painting of dogs playing poker. n/t


14. Put those cards down, Lassie--Timmy's in the well!!!


OP by David Zephyr  

A Better Trade: One Taliban Prisoner for This Single American Deserter.


2. We get the Taliban ...

member, right?


On an OP by Liberal_in_LA  

Pope to Couples: have kids, not pets or be bitter and lonely in old age

Pope to Couples: Have Kids, Not Pets 
Lonely old age looms otherwise, he says 

Married couples who raise pets instead of little Catholics are destined for a bitter, lonely old age, according to Pope Francis. At mass yesterday, he said a "culture of wellbeing" had convinced people that "it's better not to have children"—because that way you can travel; "you can have a house in the country and be carefree," the Guardian reports. "Maybe it is better, more convenient, to have a little dog, two cats; and the love goes to the two cats and the little dog," he continued, but such a marriage will lead to "old age in solitude, with the bitterness of loneliness. It is not fertile; it does not do what Jesus does with his church: he makes it fertile." 


Baitball Blogger  

21. Criminy. Now he's pissed off the cats.


62. ...


OP by SomethingFishy  

Dear Mr Open Carry,

I understand you feel a need to carry your weapon to some of the most dangerous places on the planet. You know, Target, Chipotle, Wal-Mart. After all you never know when an IED is going to go off in the housewares section. 

The problem lies in the fact that I can't tell you apart from the lunatics. When I see someone with a real gun in a toy store my brain automatically thinks "batshit crazy". 

Now I understand that there is a difference between you and the batshit crazy guy, but I can't tell just by looking. Is there some way you folks can identify yourselves as the "good guy with a gun". Frankly, most of you, when you strap your big old semi-auto onto your back and march into a McDonalds for lunch, wearing your American Flag shorts, and "don't tread on me" t-shirt look batshit crazy to me. So maybe there is some kind of uniform you can wear, or a sign or something, anything, to differentiate you the responsible "good guy with a gun" in Kroeger to the batshit crazy guy in Kroeger with a gun. 

Look this would be a public service, you could wear a uniform like a cop or a soldier or maybe you can get Curtis Sliwa to design you a special beret! 
Look all I'm saying is I can't tell the difference between you the "good guy with a gun" or Jeffery Fucking Dhamer. You all look crazy to me. So how bout a little help eh?


4. A clown suit would be an appropriate uniform, I think.


5. Most appropriate signifier?-- make them wear a Dunce cap.... n/t


103. I was thinking about the same - a beanie cap with a propeller

Lined with tinfoil to keep those evil g'mint rays from probing the wet mass between their ears. 

Or, of course they'd look sweet in this pretty outfit.


7. Since they have issues in this area anyway...

The open carry activists who consider themselves "good guys" could identify themselves by wearing large prosthetic phalluses, like those worn in penis processions in certain Greek and Japanese festivals. In Greece, they often add goat bells at the base of the shaft, so you can hear them approaching. 
An added bonus: those of us who are apprehensive about "open carry" would have notice to leave or hide at the sound of goat bells.


On an OP by KansDem  



C'mon, Denver! C'mon, Cleveland! C'mon Dallas! You want the 2016 Republican convention, don't you? C'mon! Chime in! Make it happen! Do it now! 

You know you do! 


1. The strip clubs in those cities do.


On an OP by question everything  

Man gives CPR to a squirrel

Thank you, from another squirrel lover.. 



1. Hope he remembered his ABCs.

Airway, Breathing, Chipmunk.


On an OP by raccoon  

How do you say "No problema?" in French? nt


3. Chablis.


On an OP by Skidmore  

11 of the Weirdest Solutions to the Fermi Paradox.

Because...we need to do something besides navel gazing for just a few minutes. This is a fun read. 


11 of the Weirdest Solutions to the Fermi Paradox 

George Dvorsky 

Most people take it for granted that we have yet to make contact with an extraterrestrial civilization. Trouble is, the numbers don’t add up. Our Galaxy is so old that every corner of it should have been visited many, many times over by now. No theory to date has satisfactorily explained away this Great Silence, so it’s time to think outside the box. Here are eleven of the weirdest solutions to the Fermi Paradox. 

There's no shortage of solutions to the Fermi Paradox. The standard ones are fairly well known, and we’re not going to examine them here, but they include the Rare Earth Hypothesis (the suggestion that life is exceptionally rare), the notion that space travel is too difficult, or the distances too vast, the Great Filter Hypothesis (the idea that all sufficiently advanced civilizations destroy themselves before going intergalactic), or that we’re simply not interesting enough. 

But for the purposes of this discussion, we’re going to look at some of the more bizarre and arcane solutions to the Fermi Paradox. Because sometimes it takes a weird explanation to answer a weird question. So, as Enrico Fermi famously asked, “Where is everybody?” 


1. Maybe the buses are just late


2. We’re Made Out of Meat

From the Nebula Award-nominated short story, “They’re Made Out of Meat” by Terry Bisson: 


"They're made out of meat." 


"Meat. They're made out of meat." 


"There's no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. They're completely meat." 

"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?" 

"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines." 

"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact." 

"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines." 

"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat." 

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in that sector and they're made out of meat."

A little while later: 

"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?" 

"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat." 

"I thought you just told me they used radio." 

"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat." 

"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?" 

"Officially or unofficially?" 


"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without prejudice, fear or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing." 

"I was hoping you would say that." 

"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?" 

"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say? 'Hello, meat. How's it going?'

Xipe Totec  

4. On Earth, meat beats you! nt


On an OP by taterguy  

I'm back

I'd like to see a dozen threads expressing opinions on my departure and return. 



28. YOU were one of the Gitmo prisoners that was exchanged?

Dang. Didn't see that one coming.


On an OP by steve2470  

Giant 3-foot-long rats invade Florida Keys


MIAMI – Flamingos, manatees — and rats the size of toaster ovens. Yep, the list of animals Florida is best known for is about to grow by one. But unlike the other two, the Gambian pouched rat isn’t likely to be featured on any tourism brochures or commemorative keychains. 

The giant non-native rodent has invaded the Florida Keys and it will. Not. Go. Away. 

Despite ongoing efforts to eradicate (e-rat-icate? Eh???) it from Grassy Key since 2007, new sightings confirm the rat — once thought to be on its last freakishly large legs — is harder to kill than Chris Brown’s career. 

Not that it’s too hard to catch sight of one of these guys. Adult Gambian pouched rats weigh about 3 or 4 pounds and average 2 to 3 feet long, not counting their tails.


5. Rodents of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist.


On an OP by phantom power  

Larry Summers: Helping Homeowners Would Have Hurt Banks

I have a review of Mian and Sufi’s House of Debt out today, and so does Larry Summers. His review is very strange. It starts off with almost unvarnished praise for the book, saying “it could be the most important book to come out of the 2008 financial crisis and subsequent Great Recession.” He celebrates their data collection, largely agrees with their alternative rendering of the causes of the crisis, and pronounces it “a major contribution” that should give pause to what Mian and Sufi call “the banking view” of the crisis, essentially that the economy hinges on protecting and saving the financial system. 

And then, Summers calls them naive and says they didn’t understand the reality of what policymakers faced in 2008 and 2009. Specifically, he says that “We all believed in 2009 what Mian and Sufi have now conclusively demonstrated – that reducing mortgage debt would spur consumer spending,” saying they did not have a narrow banking view of crisis response. Yet almost every one of Summers’ objections - to supporting bankruptcy judges rewriting terms of primary mortgages, to forcing principal write-downs, to buying underwater mortgages through a Home Owners Loan Corporation-type structure - comes with the warning that the preferred policy of mortgage debt relief would hurt the banks. 


How does this not reflect a “banking view” of the world? The objections are that relieving homeowner debt would put losses on banks, chill future lending and hurt banks’ capital positions. This is precisely what Mian and Sufi attack in the book! First off, they argue that it makes no sense to want to spur lending into a deeply indebted economy. They also add that “The idea that financial firms should never take losses is indefensible.” Their entire point is that the losses from the housing bubble collapse were poorly distributed through the system, heaped on those who lost the most in net worth and had the highest marginal propensity to spend. Meanwhile, those most equipped to absorb the losses, those who finance the banking system, were relatively untouched. This is the PRECISE CAUSE, in Mian and Sufi’s view, why the recovery has been so sluggish: the families who couldn’t withstand heavy losses took the brunt of them, and they had to cut back, and demand suffered. 

It’s extremely weird that Summers says House of Debt should inform policy responses, and then gives all the reasons why it can’t inform the last policy response. Summers is effectively saying, “We didn’t have a banking view! It’s just that mortgage debt relief would hurt the banks.” In a way, that is nicely revealing. People long suspected that the White House economic team’s policy response foregrounded the idea of protecting the banks at all costs, with homeowners a secondary concern at best. Summers just said it out loud. 



1. Every bank was sacred, every bank was great....

if a bank is wasted, god gets quite irate... 


On an OP by doxydad  

Ass Hat Tony Perkins: Christians forced to bake cakes for gays like forcing Jews into Nazi ovens

Another religious right leader invoked Holocaust imagery to complain about a recent civil rights ruling in Colorado. Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council, spoke Thursday with the attorney of a baker who lost his court battle to refuse service to LGBT customers who ordered cakes to celebrate their legal same-sex marriages. 

The state’s Civil Rights Commission last week upheld an administrative judge’s finding that Christian bakery owner Jack Phillips had violated Colorado’s anti-discrimination statutes. Attorney Nicolle Martin, of the Alliance Defending Freedom, told Perkins the ruling was part of an ongoing “witch hunt” against Christians, reported Right Wing Watch. 

Perkins reached for a more recent historical analogy to compare the state’s actions to Nazi Germany. 

“I’m beginning to think, are re-education camps next?” Perkins wondered aloud. “When are they going to start rolling out the boxcars to start hauling off Christians?” 

I've said it before, I reiterate: If it has FAITH, FAMILY, FOX or FREEDOM in the Title, it's a fuckin' TeapubliKKKan TRAP.


1. I liked him better

when he was just dressing up like his mother and stabbing people...


On an OP by WillyT  

Cable Companies Are Astroturfing Fake Consumer Support To End Net Neutrality - Vice

By Lee Fang - Vice 
June 5, 2014 

Consumer advocates everywhere are demanding that the Federal Communication Commission continue down its current path for shelving net neutrality and allowing a two-tiered internet. That is, if cable company-created front groups and other industry-funded organizations are to be believed. 

The controversy, at the moment, rests on a legal distinction. A federal lawsuit filed by Verizon has forced the FCC into a corner by creating a standard under which effective net-neutrality rules­­—which ensure all internet traffic is treated equally—can only be reached, according to most analysts, by classifying the internet as a "common carrier," or in other words, a public utility. Such a distinction would allow the FCC to demand that internet service providers, like Comcast or Verizon, are not allowed to create internet slow lanes and fast lanes. 

To the surprise of probably no one, ISPs are enraged at the prospect of being classified as a utility and are fighting back. But the attacks are not fully transparent. Many of the organizations protesting a move toward classifying ISPs as a utility, which is the only likely option for enacting net neutrality, are funded by the ISP lobby. 

Take this opinion column by former Republican Senator John Sununu and former Democratic Congressman Harold Ford in the San Francisco Chronicle. The pair argues that reclassification would lead to "chronic underinvestment" in broadband services while threatening job loss. The disclaimer running under their byline says they are honorary co-chairs of Broadband for America, which the paper describes as "a coalition of 300 internet consumer advocates, content providers, and engineers." 

A disclosure obtained by VICE from the National Cable and Telecom Association (NCTA), a trade group for ISPs, shows that the bulk of Broadband for America's recent $3.5 million budget is funded through a $2 million donation from NCTA. Last month, Broadband for America wrote a letter to the FCC bluntly demanding that the agency “categorically reject” any effort toward designating broadband as a public utility. It wasn't signed by any internet consumer advocates, as the Sununu-Ford letter suggests. The signatures on the letter reads like a who's who of ISP industry presidents and CEOs, including AT&T's Randall Stephenson, Cox Communications' Patrick Esser, NCTA president (and former FCC commissioner) Michael Powell, Verizon's Lowell McAdam, and Comcast's Brian Roberts. 

Notably, Broadband for America's most recent tax filing shows that it retained the DCI Group, an infamous lobbying firm that specializes in creating fake citizen groups on behalf of corporate campaigns. 



1. John Sununu and Harold Ford

Two cheeks on the same asshole.


On an OP by struggle4progress  

How can we here at DU blame California Chrome's defeat today on Obama?


3. He played the . . .

RACE card !


8. I knew we wouldn't have to wait furlong. nt


13. You could ask it in a question, like Fox News does.


86. We're just asking equestrians!


104. In Before The Fetlock!

Nearly a dozen DUzy nominations in this thread… follow the link, it'll make you laugh till you're peeing like a racehorse! DUzy to all who replied!


On an OP by 47of74  

Man shoots self in penis with girlfriend’s pink pistol, charges possible



CHANDLER, Ariz. – Police are preaching firearms safety after a Chandler man accidentally shot himself in the penis with his girlfriend's little pink pistol. 

It happened last week outside a grocery store near Elliot and Alma School roads. 

According to Chandler police, Joshua Seto, 27, was tucking the little gun – reportedly a Taurus 380 Compact Pistol similar to the one pictured above – into his waistband as he walked toward the store with his girlfriend, Cara Christopher. 

The gun went off. The bullet hit Seto's penis and continued through his left thigh.

Is it wrong of me to hope the organ is permanently damaged as the price for being so stupid? 


2. Well, isn't it just the most LADYLIKE little thing?

Too cute to be harmful, let alone lethal. 

But I have to wonder why HE was packing HER gun as they were walking toward a STORE. Should the "charges possible" include "conspiracy to commit robbery?" 

Joshua Seto was Under Influence of Prescription Drugs When He Shot Himself in Penis, Cops Believe 


Cops who responded to the August 2 incident reported that Joshua Seto, 27, seemed too calm and oblivious to pain, says Chandler Sergeant Joe Favazzo. The officers thought the man was impaired by prescription drugs... 

Police say the man and his girlfriend had been on their way to the store at about 7:30 p.m. when the woman pulled her pink .380 caliber, semi-automatic Taurus, specially made to promote breast cancer awareness, from her purse...Seto took the gun and jammed into his waistband, where it went off... 

The couple didn't immediately drive to a hospital, instead walking to a bench at the parking lot. Someone else prompted the man's girlfriend...to call 911...


7. And now pink guns will promote penis piercing awareness.

I think women who buy pink guns are falling for the most stupid marketing gimmicks. Ashamed of my gender.


3. Brain injury, huh?


9. A real man would have blown his dick and balls off with a .44 magnum


10. Pink Pistol Packing Paramore

Plugs Penis Pushing Piece in Pants 


On an OP by Ichingcarpenter  

The War on Drugs ......WTF?


3. Arpaio must be hung like a hummingbird.


4. Oversize Load, that's for sure.


7. not in his pants, for sure


10. Well that "Depends" on...

...what sort of load you are referring to.


18. /fixed


On an OP by Liberal_in_LA  

drunken downfall of beloved artist thomas kinkade


Drunken downfall of America's most loved evangelical artist whose works hung in twenty million homes: Thomas Kinkade was found dead after overdosing on valium and booze 
Kinkade's 2012 death was caused by an accidental overdose from ethanol and Diazepam intoxication 
The troubled artist had a history of alcohol abuse and in many cases made drunken scenes 
In one instance, Kinkade urinated on a Disney character while yelling 'this one's for you, Walt' 
Former employees say the Disney incident was the beginning of what Kinkade called 'ritual territorial urination' 

7. his later, Star Wars stuff was genius


'til next week...

Posted by Flying Squirrel | Tue Jun 10, 2014, 02:31 AM (18 replies)

*** DUzy Awards - May 24-30, 2014 ***

TGI…S! And welcome to….


Special thanks to everyone who contributed to this edition -- either by:

responding to a post with "DUzy" in the subject line,

or by sending me a PM.

The DUzy awards couldn't happen without you!

On an OP by OhioChick  

Rare snow leopards born at Akron Zoo: Cuteness Alert

Posted: 12:16 PM, May 28, 2014 

AKRON, Ohio - Two rare snow leopard cubs were born at the Akron Zoo last month, the zoo announced Wednesday. 

The cubs, a male and a female, make the second time their parents Shanti and Roscoe have had a successful litter. The two males born to the couple in 2012 live at zoos in Michigan and Rhode Island. 

The new cubs and their mother Shanti will remain indoors until late June or July, when they will be healthy enough to go back into their exhibit. 

The Akron Zoo staff was one of the first in the country to use training, instead of anesthesia, to perform ultrasounds and monitor the cubs' development while they were in Shanti's womb. 



5. They're cute, until they are ripping you to shreds.

What am I saying? They're cute even when they are ripping you to shreds. 

The Velveteen Ocelot  

11. There's no leopards I know...

Everything about them is appealing 

Everything their little fangs can chew 

Nowhere could you have that happy feeling 

When they aren't eating every bit of you...


On an OP by ashling  

Box O Cats


1. This is exactly what gay marriage leads to. nt


On an OP by KamaAina  

American Family Association: Don't Open Letters With Harvey Milk Stamp


Incensed by the release of a postage stamp honoring Harvey Milk, the American Family Association is urging its members not only to avoid purchasing the stamp…but to refuse to accept or open any letter or package postmarked with one. 

1. Refuse to accept the Harvey Milk stamp if offered by your local post office. Instead, ask for a stamp of the United States flag. 

2. Refuse to accept mail at your home or business if it is postmarked with the Harvey Milk stamp. Simply write 'Return to Sender" on the envelope and tell your postman you won't accept it. 

In his daily email alert yesterday, Family Research Council President Tony Perkins also attacked the Obama administration for issuing the stamp, linking the move to the imprisonment of a Sudanese mother who is facing the death penalty for her conversion to Christianity: “(T)he Obama administration -- which had more than enough time to throw a party in honor of homosexual activist Harvey Milk -- hasn't had a spare second to demand the freedom of two of America’s youngest citizens.”

That address once again: 

American Family Association 
P.O. Drawer 2440 
Tupelo, MS 38803 


2. Write "donation inside" on the envelope

See how fast they open it.


4. ROFL!

Here's the donation: 


34. LOL! That's a great idea.

And the "donation inside" should be a sheet of Harvey Milk stamps.


8. If you happen to mail them something with the Harvey Milk stamp

make sure you not only put their address on the body of the envelope, but put their address in the return address section as well. That way when they refuse the letter it will come back to them anyway.

Prophet 451  

52. I have a vision of this ending in court

Yr'honour, I couldn't open the bill because it had a Harvey Milk stamp on it"

Blue Owl  

54. Remind the AFA that the milk they drink is homogenized



64. It's a plot by the Post Office to get us to lick a gay man.

(I think it's actually self-stick. So if you lick it, it's because you want to.)


76. Remember all the trouble people had with the Ronald Reagan stamp?

They kept spitting on the front of it...


78. No, but I do remember a rubber stamp you could get

to put Tricky Dick behind bars


On an OP by ErikJ  

Former Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer to buy Clippers for $2 billion

Source: LA Times

Former Microsoft chief executive Steve Ballmer won a frenetic bidding war for ownership of the Los Angeles Clippers, with his $2-billion offer setting a record price for an NBA team, The Times has learned. 

Ballmer, who was chief executive of Microsoft for 14 years, was chosen over competitors that included Los Angeles-based investors Tony Ressler and Steve Karsh and a group that included David Geffen and executives from the Guggenheim Group, the Chicago-based owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers. 

A person with knowledge of the negotiations said the Geffen group bid $1.6 billion and Ressler at $1.2 billion. The sale price is almost four times the highest previous NBA franchise sale price -- the $550 million paid earlier this month for the Milwaukee Bucks. It is second only to the Dodgers 2012 sale for $2.1 billion as the highest price for any sports team in North America. 

The prospective sale by Clippers co-owner Shelly Sterling comes five days ahead of an NBA hearing to oust her family from ownership following a controversy in which Donald Sterling insulted African-Americans in a secret audio recording. 

The tentative deal still must receive the blessing of her husband, Donald Sterling, .........................



1. He got ripped off.

About a billion should have been more than enough. We are, after all, talking about the junior team in the market, sort of like the Brooklyn Nets vis-a-vis the Knicks. He just enriched the racist scum by an additional billion. 

edit: On the other hand, it is entirely possible that Ballmer intends to move the team to Seattle, which got royally hosed when Clay Bennett moved the Sonics to Oklahoma City (!), where, as the Thunder, they are presently contending for the West title.


9. "The Seattle Blue Screens" ...


23. Maybe they could resurrect

Clippy, and use him as a mascot! 


24. Anyone inside the costume would not be able to get life insurance

They could use him tactically, I suppose - keep him hidden, but if it's clear they're going to lose, bring him out, and there's a guaranteed riot as fans of both sides storm the court to rip him apart.


27. That's a funny thought:

"It looks like you're trying to block a 3-point shot. Would you like help with that?"


On an OP by joeybee12  

Michael Vick: I can help the Jets get to a Super Bowl

Jets quarterback Michael Vick may be a backup, but he’s a backup with a lot of confidence in what he can bring to his team. 

“I just feel like I can help any football team, any organization, particularly this football team, get to a Super Bowl,” Vick told Gary Myers of the New York Daily News. “It’s tough at this stage of my career because I still feel like I’m a fairly young player and I can still keep up. People make it seem like I’m getting older and things are not the same. I beg to differ.” 

Vick has never been to a Super Bowl, which he says is because he has never been on a team that had all the pieces in place. But he thinks the Jets may be that team. 

“Sometimes, I feel like I’ve been dealt the short end of the stick because I haven’t had all those components over the years,” he said. “I never complained because this is an unbelievable league, it’s a great league and I’ve been blessed to play in it. Of course, I wish I had a Super Bowl and wish I could have accomplished more things. But, hey, I still got an opportunity and that’s what I am thinking.” 


Yeah, maybe he can help the Jits get there if he goes to another team!


2. How? By driving them to Minneapolis on a dogsled?


On a Poll by arely staircase  

what do you rhink the legal age to consent sex should be?

winter is coming  

1. Old enough to use spell check. n/t


OP by uppityperson  

Let me tell you about Women

Most have XX chromosomes and are homo sapiens. 

Let me tell you about Men. 

Most have XY chromosomes and are homo sapiens. 


11. Nope, it's easy to tell 'em apart.

Just ask them to pull down their "genes". 

Thank you, I'll be here all week, tip your servers....


OP by Recursion  

The one image that best sums up misandry


6. I, and am sure many here don't 'get it'

misogyny is hatred of women...misandry is hatred of men...what doe this show?


7. As a hint, this is a train derailment (nt)


On an OP by Katashi_itto  

Christian host on transgender rights: ‘Liberals demand public access to rape your girls’

Is it me or are RWers getting more and more violent with their rhetoric on the average? Like they are trying to push a conflict? I keep thinking of Rwanda more and more 

Dr. “Chaps” Gordon Klingenschmitt, a Navy chaplain who turned to hosting a Christian Internet show after being court martialed, warned his followers this week that liberals wanted to visually “rape your girls” by giving transgender people equal rights. 

In an email to supporters over the weekend, Klingenschmitt lashed out at a recent Maine Supreme Court ruling that said a transgender girl should be able to use the school bathroom that corresponded to her gender. 

“‘Transgenders’ want your children,” he wrote in the email obtained by Right Wing Watch. “Liberals demand public access to rape your girls, at least visually in public bathrooms, or to expose themselves to your girls at school, without parental consent or protection of any kind.” 

Klingenschmitt advised parents in Maine to “immediately remove their children from public schools, and teach them at home.” 



1. "Expose themselves to your girls at school, without parental consent..."

That cracks me up and seems a little Freudian.


13. I take he's not aware women's washrooms have privacy stalls?


14. He probably thinks they have urinals

Maybe even long troughs like the old military latrines.


20. The only response to that is to wonder aloud whether he comes up with this stuff...

...when he's molesting livestock, or when he's molesting thorny desert plants. 

"Chaps" indeed. 


38. He should be more concerned that someone has stolen his neck.

That, at least, is based in reality.


On an OP by hrmjustin  

Pagan God From Bronze Age Caught By Unsuspecting Fisherman In Siberia

Yasmine Hafiz 

Nikolay Tarasov was fishing in a river near his home in Tisul, in the Kemerovo region of Siberia, when he caught something unexpected- and very old. 

"Me and a friend were walking on the river bank with nets, when suddenly it got stuck with something," he said. "I found the object, freed the net and was about to throw it back in the water - but at the last second I looked at it more closely," he told The Siberian Times. "And I saw a face. I stopped and washed the thing in the river - and realized it wasn't a stone of an unusual shape, as I thought earlier - but a statuette." 



5. Who knew Don Rickles was once a pagan god?


On an OP by al_liberal  

How in this day and age does anyone become a great orator?

If Martin Luther King Jr gave a speech today would he be able to do what he did? How about Lincoln? How about Churchill? Or Eisenhower just before D-Day? 

My question is how can one person make as big of an impact as they did in their time given the poisoned media we have today?


1. Well, hand notes obviously don't help


7. Today's great orators need to make their point in 140 characters or less.

We have a Twitter-brained populace.


11. That hasn't helped Palin

She did all her policy White Papers in 140 characters, but somehow, inexplicably, we didn't make her VP. 


12. But her word-salad speeches go on endlessly. nt


On an OP by DonViejo  

Joe The Plumber To UCSB Parents: 'Your Dead Kids Don't Trump' My Guns

Source: TPM

TOM KLUDT – MAY 27, 2014, 11:32 AM EDT 

Samuel Wurzelbacher gave his condolences this week to the families of the victims of the mass shooting near the University of California, Santa Barbara. But no tragedy is going to stop "Joe The Plumber" from defending the Second Amendment. 

In an open letter published Tuesday on the website Barbwire, Wurzelbacher went out of his way to explain to the victims' parents that the deaths won't undermine his "Constitutional rights." 

"I am sorry you lost your child. I myself have a son and daughter and the one thing I never want to go through, is what you are going through now," wrote Wurzelbacher, who became something of a mascot for John McCain's failed 2008 presidential campaign. "But: As harsh as this sounds – your dead kids don’t trump my Constitutional rights." 

Wurzelbacher singled out Richard Martinez, whose son Christopher was one of the six students killed by Elliot Rodger in Isla Vista, Calif. Since the deadly rampage, Martinez has twice railed against politicians and the National Rifle Association for the failure to pass new gun laws after the Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre. 




6. "Joe the Plumber;" someone else we can thank John McCain for

right up there with the Klondike Kardashian


On an OP by doxydad  

Joe The Plumber Says Guns Are For Hunting Down Politicians

Joe the Plumber (Samuel Wurzelbacher) channeled his inner Jared Loughner this week by declaring on his web site that the most important reason for having guns is to hunt down politicians. On his Joe for America web page, he gave a list of reasons for why guns are needed, ending with this commentary: 

And – this is the most important one: 

Guns are mostly for hunting down politicians who would actively seek to take your freedoms and liberty away from you. 


I personally am goddamn tired of this ass hat, and his lunatic gun nuttery. Wasn't his '15 minutes of TeapubliKKKan Fame' up when he accepted a union based job? 
Move on, douche, you're yesterdays nothing, along with Rove and Palin.

Blue Owl  

4. O Joey boy, the pipes, the pipes are clogging...



On an OP by alp227  

Guns, ammo seized at UC Santa Barbara student's Isla Vista apartment

Source: LA Times

Sheriff's deputies arrested a UC Santa Barbara student this week on charges of accidentally discharging his gun, narrowly missing striking a neighbor with a bullet, sheriff's officials said Wednesday. 

Kevin Tym, 21, admitted to deputies that he was playing with his legally owned Glock when it discharged about 2:30 p.m. Tuesday, shooting through his neighbor's wall in the 6500 block of Pardall Road, the Santa Barbara County Sheriff's Office said in a statement. 

The bullet was apparently deflected off a TV stand and lodged in a wall, just missing his neighbor, sheriff's officials said. 

The incident occurred hours before a memorial was planned at UC Santa Barbara for six students who were killed in Friday's deadly rampage through Isla Vista, when 22-year-old Elliot Rodger stabbed three students, shot three others and injured 13 before apparently killing himself.


And what's the neighbor supposed to do, shoot back thru a non transparent wall?


3. Why can't these assholes play with their dicks instead of playing with guns? Geez. nt


5. I think you answered your own question right there.


6. Because the discharge would be even faster n/t


OP by EarlG  

Pic Of The Moment: Window Into The Mind Of A Gun Nut

GOP Senate Candidate: UCSB Shooting An 'Unfortunate Accident' 



6. Iowa Republicans felt like Sarah Palin came across as too much of an intellectual, so

this clown emerged as the front-runner for the Repuke Senate candidacy.

toby jo  

16. "Sarah Palin came across as too much of an intellectual"

ok, so there's some words put together like I'd never thought I'd see.


22. Better watch out for her, though--she "grew up castrating hogs on an Iowa farm!"

Her motto? "Let's make 'em SQUEAL!!!" 

No, I am not shitting you:


OP by MrScorpio  

It's time, everyone, for another edition of ASK MrScorpio...

This is going to be a delayed reaction edition, as I am signing off right now. 

Please leave your questions and musings and I promise to answer each and every response as soon as I get back.

As always, I do not guarantee that you will like any of my answers, but I do promise that your questions will be carefully considered and answered in an honest fashion. 

Be daring, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. 

Peace out.


1. Sometimes when I get up for a late-nite drink of water, ...

I turn on the light to find that I have disturbed my cat using the litter box. 

Is the look on her face more: 
A) "Hey, asshole! Turn off the light! It's 3 fuckin' AM!!!" 
B) "Hey, asshole! A little privacy???"


6. C) Touch my Skittles and lose a finger/


4. Dear Mr. Scorpio,

it is said youth is wasted on the young. Does it follow therefore that experience enlightens the elderly? 
Sign me, 
Almost to retirement and therefore 'elderly'


10. Dear Dyed, Old age and treachery beats youth and skill every time.

You can get away with being much more evil in your later years than you can when you're young. 

Also, the consequences are much shorter lived. 

Give in, give in to the POWAH of the Dark Side. 

Join me, and together, we shall rule the galaxy as the evilest of bastards.


26. Dear Mr. Scorpio: What's your sign? nt


27. Joe's Bar and Grill...

With Pizza Hut rising.


28. maybe I am late but I gotta know

what was your first reaction when you saw the clip of Iowan Joni Ernst's political ad discussing how she castrated hogs? 

1) narghhhhunhhh 

2) brilliant! 

3) WTF? FTW? 

4) hide this quick 

5) other - describe


31. Bacon! nt


OP by Blue_Tires  

Another victory in President Obama's war on education:


1. Is that the Fox affiliate?


3. The five arrested were integers but...

there may be be some fractional components that are still on the loose! 

Police say, "It just doesn't add up". They believe "New Math" was being used. 

Nationwide, Chaos theory is under investigation. However, many Republicans do not believe it even exists. 

More at 11. 


4. My question is...

Did you Googol that?


On an OP by TexasTowelie  

In Israel, Ted Cruz blasts Palestinians and Obama administration

Source: Jerusalem Post

WASHINGTON – Visiting Israel, Sen. Ted Cruz placed blame Monday for the recent failure of peace talks squarely on Palestinians, and their refusal to renounce terror and to affirm Israel’s right to exist as a Jewish state. 

That, he said, is the “principal impediment to peace,” the Jerusalem Post reported. 

He also was deeply critical of President Obama and his administration, asserting that his main approach in the region is “to criticize and harangue and pressure the Israeli government,” the Post reported. 

He criticized the U.S. administration for pressuring Israel on the issue of settlements in the Palestinian territory. Those, Cruz said, are “a question for the government of Israel,” adding that it’s not America’s role “to try to impose a policy about where Israeli settlements are located and where they’re not.”



7. Has he been eating green eggs and ham again?


trusty elf  

17. ........


12. Badmouthing the Commander in Chief in a time of war on foreign soil

If Teddy Cruz doesn't like the way we do things in America then he should go back to Canada.


31. Used!

I'm sorry BlueStateguy but in Canada we don't take back used defective goods after 30 days!! You guys are stuck with him!!!


On an OP by Aerows  

Greenwald said that he will release the names of Americans that were spied upon

I'm going to wait for that to happen, but I expect that will be explosive. 

Just remember - the government should not have been doing this in the first place, and if they get stung by doing illegal things, an average American would have been in jail for doing it.

winter is coming  

1. It might be quicker to release a list of people *not* being spied on. n/t


22. I have that list right here! Read below...


On an OP by bigtree  

Barack and Hillary Lunchin' (WH press losing their minds over not being told in advance)

Olivier Knox ‏@OKnox 3m 

White House official: “The President enjoyed an informal, private lunch with Secretary Clinton at the White House this afternoon.” 



1. Yeah, but according to some it's a "secret meeting".


3. She had the original long form Kenyan birth certificate. He had the Benghazi smoking


They burned them in the Rose Garden, together, and went off to plan our takeover of Ukraine. Victoria Nuland baked cookies for dessert.


5. Hillary brought her interior designer with her and was measuring the windows for new curtains

and the rwnj's are pissed


On an OP by bigtree  

Prez Needs a Helmet or Something

President Barack Obama greets White House Healthy Kids & Safe Sports Concussion Summit participants in the the East Garden Room of the White House, May 29, 2014. The President met with the group indoors when their South Lawn event was cancelled due to weather. (Official White House Photo by Chuck Kennedy) 

Remarks by the President at the Healthy Kids and Safe Sports Concussion Summit 



1. That's up to him and Michelle

He does already have two kids.


2. above the belt, itsrobert


On an OP by Judi Lynn  

Florida may be forced to redraw political districts before midterms

Source: Washington Post

Florida may be forced to redraw political districts before midterms 
By Sarah Ferris 
May 30 at 1:55 pm 

A redistricting battle that has gripped Florida for more than a year could force Republican leaders to redraw the state’s political boundaries just months ahead of the midterm elections. 

Several of the state’s Republican-drawn congressional districts – which one political scientist described as the most skewed he has ever studied – have come under attack by voting rights groups that allege the maps unfairly favor GOP candidates. 

That coalition, led by the League of Women’s Voters, has argued that Republican legislators and staffers collaborated with political consultants to create the maps, which were approved by Gov. Rick Scott in 2011. 

The case is being heard now in Leon County Circuit Court after the League filed a lawsuit alleging that the districts violate Florida’s “Fair Districts” law, which was approved by more than 60 percent of voters in 2010. If the lawsuit succeeds, the borders will have to be redrawn before the midterm elections this fall. 


Xipe Totec  

2. There's a reason why Florida is shaped like a banana. nt


3. I thought it was a limp penis

15. That's because you are stuck in your northern hemisphere centric mindset

What if south were up? 

Not so limp now!!!!


'til next week...

(If you've read this far, please add a rec for visibility if it's below 50 - Thanks everyone!)
Posted by Flying Squirrel | Sat May 31, 2014, 08:35 PM (28 replies)

I am pretty far left, but I am not worried about "Hawk and Militarist" Hillary Clinton in 2016.

The Left Ought to Worry About Hillary Clinton, Hawk and Militarist, in 2016

Here's why I'm not "worried".

Hillary Clinton wants to be president. She's wanted to be president for a very long time. In order to become president, you have to (a) want it very badly and (b) say and do things which will help you to win. Among other things.

Once you become president, as we all know, you often either cannot or do not follow through with some of your pre-election rhetoric.

When you're a woman trying to do something no other woman has yet done... Well, let's just say I take Hillary Clinton's "Hawkishness and Militarism" with a grain of salt. She needs men to vote for her as well as women. And many men have this idea ingrained in their brains from a very early age that women are weak. Can't have that in a commander-in-chief. So, since she wants to win, she does what ANY woman in the same situation would do. I'm telling you right now, if Elizabeth Warren really wanted badly enough to become president, she would find some way to get some foreign policy experience, get on some kind of armed forces committee or something, and she would be talking and acting very "Hawkish and Militaristic." She's not stupid, and neither is Hillary Clinton.

What Hillary would do once she became president, I cannot say. But I don't buy the idea that what she has to do in order to become president, will of absolute necessity be her continuing philosophy once elected. Nor do I think that any man who may run in the primaries will be much less hawkish on foreign policy, because there's still a well-cultivated (by the GOP), ignorant belief out there that Democrats in general are "weak on foreign policy."

As I said before, I'm pretty far left. If I have a choice between Hillary and someone else who I sincerely believe better reflects my values, in the primary I'll be voting for that other person. But I do believe it's high time we had a female president, and even if that means another 4-8 years of centrism, I'll gladly vote for her when the time comes - if it comes. I won't just be voting against the GOP candidate.

I have to say, seeing this thread attacking Hillary Clinton this early in the game, on Democratic Underground, on this particular subject... well, the word "disingenuous" comes to mind.

Posted by Flying Squirrel | Thu May 29, 2014, 01:04 AM (130 replies)

DU vs. Discussionist: A Word Analysis (Pic Heavy)

This covers the period from May 14 - May 20.. I'm not planning on doing any further analysis at this time, but found this interesting and thought others might like to see it.


DU: Latest Breaking News...

Discussionist: News...

DU: General Discussion...

Discussionist: Politics...

DU vs Discussionist: Words in common in LBN / News

DU vs Discussionist: Words in common in GD / Politics

DU vs Discussionist: Words NOT in common...

One last thing:

Message Auto-Removed: DU: 0.15% Discussionist: 1.41%
This message was hidden by jury decision. DU: 0.25% Discussionist: 2.39%
This message was self-deleted by its author DU: 1.64% Discussionist: 1.74%

Self-deleted posts were about the same, but Auto-Removed and Hidden by Jury were about 9 times more common on Discussionist than DU.

Draw your own conclusions...
Posted by Flying Squirrel | Sun May 25, 2014, 08:59 PM (37 replies)

*** DUzy Awards - May 17-23, 2014 ***

TGI…S! And welcome to….


Special thanks to everyone who contributed to this edition -- either by:

responding to a post with "DUzy" in the subject line,

or by sending me a PM.

The DUzy awards couldn't happen without you!

On an OP by n2doc  

League of the South puts up 'Secede' billboard on I-85 in Montgomery Al

MONTGOMERY, Alabama --- The League of the South has put up a billboard on Interstate 85 near downtown Montgomery with a one word message: Secede.

The league, which has called for secession since its founding 20 years ago and has been labeled as a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center, has information about its new billboard campaign on its website:

The League of the South has a message all freedom-loving Southerners ought to hear. It is the message of Southern independence from a sinking, corrupt, and destructive government in Washington, DC.

Michael Hill, president of the league, said the billboard is the second of the campaign. Another 'Secede' billboard was posted in Tallahassee, Fla. And a third is planned for Atlanta this summer, Hill said.



3. at least they can use spell check

but is it "consitutional?"


On an OP by question everything  

Rick Perry Faces Unusual Criminal Probe in Texas

Source: WSJ

AUSTIN, Texas—As he hints at a possible second bid for president, Texas Gov. Rick Perry is contending with an unusual criminal investigation into whether he abused his authority, a case that legal experts say has virtually no precedent in modern Texas history. 

A grand jury was impaneled in April to consider a watchdog group's complaint filed last year. It alleged the Republican governor may have violated Texas law by withholding money from a prosecutorial unit because its Democratic district attorney refused to resign after pleading guilty to drunken driving. Mr. Perry vetoed $7.5 million in funding for the Travis County Public Integrity Unit, which handles political corruption investigations, following the drunken-driving arrest of Travis County District Attorney Rosemary Lehmberg. The watchdog group, Texans for Public Justice, claimed that Mr. Perry's actions likely constituted coercion and bribery... The grand jury was scheduled to meet again on Friday to hear evidence. 



5. I saw "Rick Perry" and "unusual criminal probe"...

and my mind went to the gutter laughing. Fuck Rick Perry.


8. with a rusty oil pipe!

Of course that's where my mind went


On an OP by Tripper11  

Pastafarians rejoice as Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is granted permission to register....

as a religion in Poland. 

A church that worships an invisible flying spaghetti monster can now apply to be registered as an official religion in Poland, after a 2013 court ruling was overturned on Tuesday. 

A Warsaw court rejected a ruling by the Regional Administrative Court because the it had not allowed the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) a two-month extension for submitting outstanding documents, Polskie Radio has reported. 

A group of Pastafarians who gathered outside the court shouting "pasta" during the hearing on Tuesday welcomed the ruling. 

In January, Pastafarian minister Christopher Schaeffer was sworn into the Pomfret New York Town Council this week with a colander on his head throughout the ceremony to represent his unique religious beliefs. 


A step in the right direction!!


4. Ramen brother

May they all be touched by His noodley appendage.


18. "Pastafarian minister"--would that be a pasta-r?

"Thy Noodle and Thy Sauce, they comfort me, my colander runneth over." Or something like that.....


OP by BainsBane  

Anyone have a copy of the DU calendar?

Are we supposed to have porn twice in the same year? Or are we ahead of schedule? I thought May was Olive Garden month? 

Not complaining or whining about DU. Honest. Just trying to keep myself on schedule.

Brother Buzz  

2. I'm anxiously waiting for Double-Coated Crunchy Cornflake Chicken month

Just as soon as Skinner lifts the ban on chicken threads.....

Warren DeMontague  

5. Here's the calendar from 2011, if it helps.

Just replace the year. 

Oh, and IBTL. Not suggesting there will be a L, but if there is an L IB it. 


21. Woo needs its own month.

Sorry, but us vegans just don't have the energy for three months.

Spitfire of ATJ  

6. Porn is for the non-election years.

Warren DeMontague  

10. Erection ears?

winter is coming  

17. I don't really care, if it means the privilege-a-thon is over for a couple of months.

If that horse were any deader, it would be part of the fossil record.


32. The DU calendar ended in 2012.

So why are we still here? That's what I'm wondering.


On an OP by kpete  

Top Ten Reasons Operation American Spring Went Flat

Operation American Spring, the Tea Party protest which was expected to draw 10-30,000,000 people to the nation's Capitol yesterday, turned out to be a huge flop. Rather than the tens of millions hoped for, only a few dozen showed up and the turnout was so dismal, even the conservative outlets The Blaze and the Washington Times couldn't even begin to spin it. But there were several excellent reasons why yesterday's protest in Washington DC wasn't quite what was hoped for. What were they? 

10) We done tried but couldn't get away from Benghazi. 
9) Klan costume got yellowed when washed with Gadsden flag. 
8) You try driving a Rascal scooter to DC from Alabama and tell me how easy it is! 
7) Turns out free pizza from Arab nations was just a vicious rumor. 
6) It's not the quantity, it's the quality. 
5) Investigating who put the bop in the bop shoo bop. It was Obama, to distract from Benghazi. 
4) Most of them went west by accident to Washington state. 
3) Overestimated the number of insane asylums that would grant furloughs. 
2) Discovered Ted Nugent concert and NASCAR race around the White House another vicious rumor. 
1) Sign shop got all the spelling right.



1. Couldn't find Consitution Avenue



2. Rain caused rainbow, triggering fear they'd be turned gay.


3. Saw a real african-american nt


4. Heard there was a Big Foot sighting in Alabama.

And The Weekly World News was offering fifty bucks for a picture of one.

Wounded Bear  

6. I live in Washington State...

they didn't show up here, either. 


19. Duck Dynasty marathon?

Arugula Latte  

23. Uhh, it RAINED -- okay? Everyone knows bathroom doors swell shut in high-moisture conditions.

More than 20 million patriots were stuck in their throne rooms due to excessive precipitation, otherwise they would have been there to overthrow the government. Thanks, O'Barometer!


On an OP by PumpkinAle  

Ants kill ...................


1. Man, I gotta stop smoking ants...

Blue Owl  

5. You could try vaporizing...

But that just makes 'em steaming mad!


On an OP by kpete  

Want privacy on your flight? Try to head sling. Yes, there is a photo.

The "B-Tourist Slip" is a ring of elastic fabric that folds easily into your luggage. Once on the plane, whip it out to slip one end over the seat headrest in front and another over your own, creating a 360 wall of cloth that you can rest your weary noggin against. Folds in the fabric accommodate personal items like phones and glasses, and sliding rings lets you adjust the personal cave to your preferred width. 



1. If a sling went down to the crotch area, passengers could watch porn too.


22. like this?


2. Looks like Fox News believers at home


7. Not a good idea.

Having your head pulled forward like that will activate the posterior muscles and after fifteen minutes or so will start to take out the normal lordosis of your spine. Want a headache? Here you go.


10. 'Lordosis of the Slings' has a nice ring to it. nt


13. it needs a break strap

right in the part of the seat in front of you, so you can snap it open and it will swing around like a big rubber band and pop the kid in the seat behind you who won't stop kicking your seat.

Follow the link for more, including the "Original Ostrich Pillow":


On an OP by madfloridian  

Charlie Crist has 18, 332 small money donors, Rick Scott has 368.

Here is the Naples News Article confirming it, but I am not going to pay to access it. 

Instead I got it from the Twitter feed of one of Crist's advisors, Kevin Cate. 

Kevin Cate @KevinCate · 12h 

ICYMI: @Mdixon55 on @CharlieCrist's "unprecedented" number of small dollar contributions:http://bit.ly/1geEHGf (Crist 18,332 to Scott 368)


6. Faux NotNews would call that a dead heat.

CNN would call it too close to call. 



On an OP by xchrom  

US Military Spending and Our Bullet Trains to Nowhere


An artist's rending is necessary, because the United States has not built one single mile of high-speed rail track. Not one. (Photo: file) 

Consider this: our advanced robotic creatures, those drone aircraft grimly named Predators and Reapers, are still blowing away human beings from Yemen to Pakistan. Meanwhile, the Pentagon is now testing out a 14,000-pound drone advanced enough to take off and land on its own on the deck of an aircraft carrier -- no human pilot involved. (As it happens, it’s only a "demonstrator" and, at a cost of $1.4 billion, can’t do much else.) While we’re talking about the skies, who could forget that the U.S. military is committed to buying 2,400 F-35 Joint Strike Fighters, already dubbed, amid cost overruns of every sort, "the most expensive weapons system in history." The bill for them: nearly $400 billion or twice what it cost to put a man on the moon. 

As a rising power in the nineteenth century, the U.S. moved toward global status on the basis of an ambitious program of canal building and then of government-sponsored transcontinental railroads. Jump a century and a half and the country that, until recently, was being called the planet’s “sole superpower” has yet to build a single mile of high-speed rail. Not one. Even a prospective line between Los Angeles and San Francisco, which looked like it might be constructed, is now blocked coming and going

liberal N proud  

1. Oh you wanted trains with the bullets.

Bullets, we have bullets, just no bullet trains. 


On an OP by kpete  

Operation American Spring Day 4 - They still think they're winning

MON MAY 19, 2014 AT 01:12 PM PDT 
Operation American Spring Day 4 - They still think they're winning 
byshades at midniteFollow 


Just in case you were wondering. I know most of you blew these OAS idiots off days ago. We all had a big laugh on Friday, a few chuckles on Saturday and forgot about it by Sunday. I'm off work nursing a sprained ankle and have been spending far too much time glued to their Face Book pages than I should admit but, if anyone's interested, here's what I've learned 

...............I almost feel sorry for them, well, the ones who aren't calling for armed revolution, burning down the WH and other acts of violence. They remind me of a class of preschoolers being told there is no Santa Claus. Its. Just. Not. Possible! But not all are discouraged. All they need now is to take over the media. You see, Obama has blocked all their transmissions. Every time they lose a feed, a cell phone drops a call or somebody's laptop battery dies, it's Obama's fault. Heck, he was accused of seeding the clouds Friday morning so it would rain on the group.

One last thing I found incredibly amusing and have to share. As you would expect, there are lots of misspelled words, but don't make fun of them. They do it on purpose to fool NSA. They actually posted, on a public FB page, how to misspell certain words or place 7s between the letters. Yes, they are telling people to spell it as O7S7A so NSA can't track them. I guess they think their cereal box decoder ring is more sophisticated than the NSA. 



4. They're gonna force President Obama out of office after all.

It's just gonna take them a couple more years of concerted effort. And maybe a few months more after that.


6. I think he put a 7 in his pants to throw the NSA off his scent

Wow who knew it was just that s7i7m7p7l7e


16. A quote often misattributed to Sinclair Lewis also comes to mind.

"When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carrying a cross."


20. Y7ou can't mak7e this sh7it u7p!

 Or should that be :ro7fl:? :

Fantastic Anarchist  

21. Looks like he's packin' a sock. n/t


22. a PATRIOT sock!


On an OP by Cooley Hurd  

Shipyard Personnel Freed with Fire Axe as $10M Motor Yacht Capsizes at Launch


The 85-foot expedition style motor yacht Bäden took two and a half years to build in meticulous detail, but it was all for nothing as she capsized and sank last Sunday night after being launching at Northern Marine Industries in Anacortes, Washington. 

Reports indicate there were four or possibly five shipyard personnel on board the vessel at the time of the incident who became trapped on board as the vessel rolled over. They were subsequently rescued through a portlight after breaking it with a fire axe. 

Roddan Engineering, a firm which had been engaged “to review build progress, track weight and prepare an Intact Stability analysis” notes in a letter dated 19 July 2013 that the vessel was “lighter than other Northern Marine builds of similar length, thus requiring more ballast to sit on a desired waterline.” The firm recommended “that partial ballasting be done currently, with final ballasting for trim and desired waterline to be performed at launch.” 

What exactly occurred during and after launch however, is still unclear. 


16. Hubris ...

meet Karma.

Blue Owl  

20. The SS Ted Cruz sailing towards presidential waters


On an OP by Atman  

The last sentence of the Oregon marriage equality ruling just might bring a tear to your eye.

"Let us look less to the sky to see what might fall; rather, let us look to each other...and rise." 

11 Bravo  

5. FoxNews reports it thusly: Oregon judge invokes Chicken Little and calls for more gay erections.


On an OP by pokerfan  

Pat Sajak: "People Who Believe in Climate Change Are ‘Unpatriotic Racists"

Wheel of Fortune host Pat Sajak, whose Twitter feed is often a site of conservative views and “kids these days” grousing, signed off Monday night with his final word on climate change: 

Pat Sajak 
I now believe global warming alarmists are unpatriotic racists knowingly misleading for their own ends. Good night. 
5/19/2014 19:38

Sajak’s remarks came as California Governor Jerry Brown told CNN that climate change was lengthening California’s fire seasons. 


Cooley Hurd  

1. I can't wait for him to espouse his opinion on his wildly popular late night show!

Oh wait... 


2. Sajak needs to buy a clue. nt

Arugula Latte  

4. St_pid Assh_le

I'd like to buy a couple vowels.


26. Once again proving that Vanna was the brains of the operation.


On an OP by Orrex  

Another nude sports figure pointlessly objectified on a magazine cover

Granted, if I were built like him, I wouldn't wear clothes either. But how can we stand by and let him be displayed this way, in this obviously artificial and deliberately enticing pose?


17. This one has a lot of young nude photos

Preakness winner California Chrome


19. Unbridled objectification!

Actually, I guess it is bridled.


23. Nay!

You are just chomping at the bit to stirrup trouble by trotting out that manure.


25. You are one of the mane instigators on this forum

If you don't quit I'm going to sulky

Warren DeMontague  

46. There's too much riding on this. I'd like to know the public's opinion before i jockey for

A position on this topic. 

Perhaps there is a gallop poll on the question?


75. I think it behooves us to reurn to more stable modes of discourse


235. Although I was saddled with much cricticism at my original post time

on the SI cover, I believe I hit the trifecta.


230. I'd like to have her move 6 inches to her left

I need to scientifically and objectively look this over to see if you are right.

Warren DeMontague  

241. Only 6?

Why not be more optimistic? 


247. Nice one



251. Only five?

That sounds even less optimistic. 


257. Just trying to be realistic.


On an OP by  n2doc  

'Price Is Right' viewers complain about President Obama interrupting show with speech

When President Barack Obama hit the podium around 11 a.m. today to speak abut the Veterans Affairs scandal, social media erupted with criticism. 
It wasn't for the reason one might think. 

As Obama began delivering his remarks, he interrupted the CBS network broadcast of The Price Is Right, quickly sending hardcore TPIR fans to Twitter to complain. 


Blue Owl  

1. "Dumb on down... You're the next contestant on the Price is Right!"



On an OP by MohRokTah  

Obama Takes An Impromptu Stroll, Causes Tourists To Lose It (VIDEO)

Obama Takes An Impromptu Stroll, Causes Tourists To Lose It (VIDEO) 

Catherine Thompson – May 22, 2014, 12:11 PM EDT 

President Barack Obama took an impromptu stroll Wednesday along the National Mall, and some bystanders freaked out at the prospect of meeting their commander in chief. 

"It's good to be out," Obama quipped to reporters. "The bear is loose." 

He greeted people along the way with handshakes, hugs and White House-branded M&M's. One enthusiastic woman asked the President to snap a photo with her family. 


7. Clearly a fake video

As you can tell by the foliage, this video was actually shot last year, and is a lame attempt to make it appear that there aren't 10 million patriots camped out in Washington awaiting surrender of whomever and establishment of Constitutional whatever. 

The "tourists" are paid actors, and some of them are CGI animations. The actor identified in one of the shots was found dead at a bus stop in Arlington three months ago. 

My alternative theory is that he left and they locked up the White House in an attempt to dodge subpoenas from the Benghazi committee, which was asking for his birf certificate.


20. It's all animation. In fact, it's a clip from Shrek Five Sakes Alive! which is scheduled to be

released later this year. The story is about the Benghazi catastrophe and how, if Shrek had been elected, the dozen-plus U.S. embassy attacks and 9-11 attack under Obama's watch since 2001 would never have happened. It also hints that the Obama administration caused the War on Grenada, too.


22. I like the poster for that movie

Arugula Latte  

87. The fact that he's wandering on the Mall proves he's been DRIVEN FROM OFFICE!


On an OP by liberal N proud  

Butt Paste?

Brother Buzz  

3. That's just one half of the debate

It's really uncomfortable sitting in the cafe trying to enjoy my croissant and cappuccino when the other cyclists start debating the merits of Chamois Butt’r® over Boudreaux's Original Butt Paste. Then inevitably, some asshole butts in and starts raving about Assos Chamois Cream. At that point, I step outside and think about taking up golf.


6. Holds your butt in place ?

Like toupee glue ?

The Velveteen Ocelot  

7. Yes, it's so you won't laugh your ass off

or ever have to worry about getting your ass handed to you. It will always be securely in place.


On an OP by SecularMotion  

This 9/11 Cheese Plate May Be The 9/11 Museum's Most Tasteless Souvenir

Setting aside the question of whether a reporter can ask a question at the 9/11 Museum (short answer: she can't!), let us tackle another timely inquiry: Just how crass is the 9/11 Museum's gift shop? 

The Post previously detailed some of the items, like a "Darkness Hoodie" and "Survivor Tree" earrings. But they forgot to mention the 9/11 cheese plate. 

The cheese plate is in the shape of the continental U.S., with hearts where the attacks hit NYC, DC and Shanksville, Pennsylvania. Because no cheese course is complete without a moment to "Never forget" (to take our Lactaid). Let's roll... that wheel of cheddar to Freedomtown? 



1. Any 9/11 souvenir is tasteless n/t


4. Well, I have to disagree, sorta..

If they were to encase Guliani in the same kind of stuff that Hans Solo was frozen in.... 
and park it next to the entry way...


Ichingcarpenter (30,936 posts) 

Virgin launches glass-bottomed plane

I'm thrilled to announce that Virgin has created another world-first with the introduction of the technology required to produce the worlds first glass-bottomed plane. This technological innovation coincides with the start of Virgin Atlantic Airways first ever domestic service to Scotland. 

In 1984 we started the wonderful airline that is Virgin Atlantic. I am incredibly proud of yet another aviation breakthrough which has been years in the making. I cant wait to experience the first flight for myself with my family and other natural born explorers. 

By Richard Branson 


Attention flight attendants, Clean up of puke needed in main cabin and please calm that person freaking out 
in D23.

Ilsa (34,011 posts) 

1. yeah, anything to look up a skirt.

Make7 (6,950 posts) 

4. Glass-bottomed planes you make the rocking world go round. ( n/t )


On an OP by kpete  

Some guy got naked outside the white house

Whitehouse @whphotos2013 
White House drama! Some guy got naked outside the white house!! #drama #whitehouse #thecopsbeathim #whitehouse 
5/23/2014 11:49



1. I guess he wanted to prove he has nothing to hide.

yortsed snacilbuper  

4. "I guess he wanted to prove he has nothing to hide."

Mitt Romney!


12. Damn it, Joe, not again.


'til next week...

Posted by Flying Squirrel | Sat May 24, 2014, 06:45 PM (22 replies)

*** DUzy Awards (Double-Length) - May 3-16, 2014 ***

TGIM(?) And welcome to….


Special thanks to:

CrispyQ, dixiegrrrrl, In_The_Wind, polly7, Rhiannon12866,

and everyone else who contributed to this edition -- either by:

responding to a post with "DUzy" in the subject line,

or by sending me a PM.

The DUzy awards couldn't happen without you!

On an OP by n2doc  

Young blood rejuvenates brains and muscles of old mice

If three discoveries in mice reported on Sunday are applicable to people, making old brains and old muscles perform like young ones may require simply a blood transfusion. 

In two of the studies, giving the blood of young mice to old ones undid age-related impairments in the brain, reversing declines in learning and memory and boosting the creation of new neurons and the ability of the brain to change its structure in response to experience. 

The third study found that a protein in the blood of young mice improved the ability of old ones (comparable to a 70-year-old person) to exercise. 

"I think the study is quite wonderful," said neuroscientist Eric Kandel of Columbia University, who shared the 2000 Nobel Prize in medicine for his studies on the molecular basis of memory, referring to one of the brain papers. 


I can just imagine what will happen if this works in humans….


2. And everyone laughed at me

when I bathed in the blood of infants. Who's laughing now?!

OP by TexasTowelie  

Why did he do that?


1. Some projects are worth it just for the research.

On an OP by n2doc  

CNN Poll: Did ‘Space Aliens, Time Travelers or Beings From Another Dimension’ Make Flight Vanish?

"Now here are a few groups that some people have suggested may be responsible for the disappearance of Flight 370 if an accident or mechanical failure was not the cause," begins question No. 26 in a new CNN/ORC poll on the missing Malaysia Airlines jet before listing terrorists, hijackers that are not terrorists, the plane's crew, and "space aliens, time travelers or beings from another dimenson" as options. Whoever could have suggested such a thing? Oh ... right. 

"There are no right or wrong answers," the questionnaire said elsewhere. 


1. Some say the aliens are from a parallel dimension.

Myself, I think they are from an obtuse dimension. 


3. That's acute

Are you serious or are Euclidean around?

Nye Bevan  

5. Good thing DU doesn't have these kind of ridiculous conspiracy theories (nt)

On an OP bynikto  

Why Godzilla matters

While some may never be able to see past the image of those 1970s movies and cartoon show, Godzilla is in reality a literary metaphor of nearly unmatched relevancy and power in today's world. Others have written of Godzilla in literary or cultural terms, well before me. 

But I think the symbol of Godzilla is an apt one for this particular era of history and its issues. 

This is not about the new film coming out in a few weeks, although, if it proves a hit, that may get people talking about Godzilla, and the symbolic resonance of what he represents. 


66. I don't think I can watch a Godzilla movie

back in the early 80's I lived with a guy and when he was stoned, which was often, he liked to watch the broadcast Godzilla movies with the sound off and he supplied all the sound effects....and I mean ALL of them......the monster, the screaming people.......gawd


67. That's odd, I don't remember having a roomate in the 80s

On an OP by Fearless  

Most Common Language Spoken By State (Other than English or Spanish)

Respect diversity.


1. You know what this means don't you? Putin is going to invade Oregon next. nt

On an OP by dixiegrrrrl  

Lime shortage attracting Mexican drug cartels.

Bars across America are feeling the burden of a nationwide lime shortage. It came about as a result of the confluence of several unusual things: there was awful weather for lime growing this year; there is a citrus-greening disease called "huanglongbing" (really) going around; and lime farmers are being extorted by drug cartels in Mexico. 

The bad weather and the huanglongbing epidemic began to increase the cost of limes earlier this year. Then, the problem was made worse by the drug cartels. The Knights Templar is a powerful drug cartel in Mexico and has set its sights on the farmers in Michoacán, one of the favored locations for lime growth. The limes there were able to escape the bad weather and huanglongbing, making them more valuable than usual. Because prices for limes became so high, cartels like The Knights Templar began threatening farmers, seizing groves, and even hijacking trucks. Lime farmers how hire armed guards to transport their coveted citrus. 

While the Mexican government is calling for a cease fire, farmers are still at odds with drug cartels. They have also deployed the military to deal with the issue directly. That's right, there are Mexican soldiers defending the right to bear limes.


1. You have to know where to draw the lime.


3. funny, I stopped by bar yesterday to kick some golden tee ass

We were giving Jen the bartender shit on how shitty the limes looked that she was pulling out of a box


4. Technically, those were sublimes.

On an OP by bananas  

Candy maker MARS to build a wind farm massive enough to fully power its 37 US factories

Source: Tree Hugger

The giant candy and pet food maker MARS Inc has taken a big step in the right direction by announcing that it will soon begin construction of a massive wind farm in Texas that will produce enough clean energyto power all of MARS' operations in the United States (they have 37 factories and 70 offices, so it's a pretty big deal). This is one of many steps that the company has been taking as part of its 'sustainable in a generation' plan: 


A gigantic 200-megawatt wind project 

The wind farm will be erected near Lamesa, Texas, with 118 GE wind turbines (1.7MW each) producing annually about 800,000 megawatt-hours, equivalent to what it takes to power 61,000 U.S. households. This will be enough for MARS' 37 US factories, and represent about 24% of their global factory and office carbon footprint. Hopefully they keep rapidly improving that number and reach 100% before their target date. 

Regardless of whether you buy MARS' products or not, it's better for the climate to have them manufactured with clean energy than with dirty one, so this is clearly a 'win'. It should also inspire other companies to do the same, so this move also has value as a potential catalyst. 

Construction of the Texas wind farm will begin at the end of 2014, with about 10 turbines going up each week. It should be finished and fully operational by mid-2015. And to be clear, the wind farm will produce an amount of electricity equivalent to what they use across the US, it won't be directly connected to all those offices.


1. This proves there is intelligent life on Mars. nt


3. In response several Angry Birds called for a massive strike against windshields everywhere

On an OP by phantom power  

NYC cyclist arrested for using cellphone to film cop, told iPhones are ‘being used as guns’

Mister City, policeman sitting 
Pretty little policemen in a row 
--John Lennon 

A New York City cyclist was arrested, while attempting to film a police officer giving him a ticket for running a red light, with the explanation that “iPhones are being used as guns,” according to The Gothamist. 

Will Paybarah,24, of Brooklyn, was stopped by a police officer in late March for – admittedly– running a red light while on his bike. As the officer approached him, Paybarah pulled out his cellphone to film the encounter only to have the officer immediately tell him to put his phone away. 

According to Paybarah, “When I tried to record my interaction with the officer I was arrested… in 10 seconds flat.” 

In the brief 10-second video, Paybarah can be heard asking “Alright, you want my I.D?” to which the police officer immediately replies, “Put your phone away.” 

When the cyclist asks why, the officer says, “Because I’m telling you.” 

As Paybarah tries to explain that he has the right to film the incident, the officer reaches for the phone and Payabarah can be heard saying, “Don’t touch me” before the officer snatches the phone out of his hand. 

Paybarah explained that he was then arrested. 

“After those 10 seconds I was pulled off my bike, pushed up against the metal fence, placed in handcuffs and put into the back seat of the car, ” he said. “Other officers came. They joked saying they were going to ‘handcuff my bike to the tree.’” 

After he was placed in the back of a police cruiser, Paybarah asked why he was being arrested. According to him a police officer told him it was because “people are using iPhones as guns.” 


2. Huh?

How can an iPhone be used as a gun?

flying rabbit  

6. I guess there's an app for that.

On an OP by RandySF  

Dan Quayle ruins World Airways and loots it.

Private equity firm Cerberus Business Finance, LLC, is looting a bankrupt airline that for 66 years ferried troops and equipment to war zones in the Middle East and Southeast Asia. Cerberus' greed has tragic consequences for pilots and flight attendants now without a job, a paycheck or health insurance. 

Cerberus took control of the bankrupt airline, World Airways, and retroactively cancelled the pilots' health insurance coverage without telling them. A pilot who'd been with World for 25 years went into a coma thinking he was covered. When he came out of the coma, he found Cerberus had cancelled his health insurance -- and he owed $2 million for his medical care. 

As president of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters, I have seen private equity firms plunder company after company, taking rich fees for themselves and cutting costs until there's nothing left to cut. Time and again I've seen their reckless behavior drive companies to declare bankruptcy. When the dust settles, you can count on Wall Street contracts being honored. And you can be pretty sure contracts with workers will be abrogated. 

That's pretty much what's happening with World Airways, a passenger and cargo carrier that sought Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection in November 2013. The airline shut down on March 27, 2014 because it had no money. All employees were fired that day. 

World Airways was a profitable company until another private equity firm, MatlinPatterson, came along and loaded it with debt. They collected handsome fees and interest until Cerberus -- run by former Vice President Dan Quayle and former Treasury Secretary John Snow -- threw the airline in the trash along with its employees. Many of the flight attendants and pilots had served their country and company since the Vietnam War. 

Blue Owl  

1. They dropped it like a hot potatoe


Gidney N Cloyd  

2. I suspect Danny's not actually the brains of the operation there.

mountain grammy  

14. I suspect Danny's not the brains behind any operation.

On an OP by monmouth3  

Tebow just did the Red Carpet with a young lady at the Dinner. Don't know if she is a

journalist or not. He looks good...


1. Who?


19. The guy who used to think that Jesus cared if he won football games.

Where's your messiah now, Tebow? 


5. Has he tried to make a pass yet? n/t


10. I doubt if will she will be receptive

since it will probably end up directed at a lady across the room.

On an OP by B2G  

So 'Asian Carp' is racially offensive now?

Minnesota lawmakers consider renaming Asian carp 

Article by: MIKE CRONIN 
Associated Press 
March 27, 2014 - 5:15 PM 

ST. PAUL, Minn. — The troublesome fish currently known as Asian carp may get a new name in Minnesota over concern that the current one casts people from Asian cultures in a negative light. 

Proposals advancing in the Legislature would require the Department of Natural Resources to refer to the fish as "invasive carp," a reference to the threat the non-native fish pose to Mississippi River-area ecosystems. 

Sen. John Hoffman, the Champlin Democrat sponsoring a bill in the Senate, said some people of Asian descent have complained about the name. 

"Caucasians brought them to America," Hoffman, the bill's primary Senate sponsor, said Thursday. "Should we call them 'Caucasian carp?' They have names. Let's call them what they are." 

Asian carp actually describes two closely related fish, the bighead carp and silver carp, that are native to a region of Asia spanning China, part of Siberia and North Korea, said Cindy Kolar, a fish biologist with the U.S. Geological Survey in Reston, Va. Since their introduction to the United States about 30 years ago, they have become a threat to native fish including those in the Great Lakes, Minnesota and elsewhere. 

Nye Bevan  

2. Next up: "Belgian waffles".

Offensively suggests that people from Belgium tend to waffle.

Comrade Grumpy  

3. People should quit carping about this. n/t

On an OP by Jesus Malverde 

She's back...Monica Lewinsky Blames the Internet

Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky, probably due to growing Clinton nostalgia in politics and on Tumblr, broke her silence with a personal essay for Vanity Fair this month. In it, she posits, "thanks to the Drudge Report, I was ... possibly the first person whose global humiliation was driven by the Internet." 

The full essay will be available digitally on Thursday, but here are the highlights. Lewinsky, who is only 40 now, expresses regret: "I, myself, deeply regret what happened between me and President Clinton. Let me say it again: I. Myself. Deeply. Regret. What. Happened." She also says she's ready to move on: "It’s time to burn the beret and bury the blue dress." And she assures conspiracy theorists that the Clintons did not buy her silence up until now: "I can assure you that nothing could be further from the truth." 

Lewinsky also makes a point to note that her affair with President Clinton was consensual, and that he did not abuse her. The abuse she suffered was at the hands of the media, she says. Now, the Internet is a much more friendly place for Lewinsky, especially the teen Internet. As The Wire noted earlier this year, Lewinsky is a big part of the '90s nostalgia that permeates Tumblr and sites like Buzzfeed. Beyoncé put her in a song on her latest album. 

Capt. Obvious  

8. I'm going to hold off until I hear from Linda Tripp

On an OP by big_dog  

Tucker Carlson: Women Who Pay for Men’s Dinners Are ‘Disgusting’

Fox News host Tucker Carlson on Tuesday asserted that men were not living up to their “manly responsibility” by letting women pay for dinner and by not participating in activities like hunting. British TV host Bear Grylls opined at a recent luncheon for his new adventure reality show that manliness was in crisis because the modern man was relying on technology instead of “your spear, your brains, your resourcefulness, your courage.” 

“I think this is real,” Carlson agreed on Tuesday’s edition of Fox News. “Part of it is somebody told boys when they were little, ‘Be sensitive, be thoughtful.’ And some of that’s fine, too much of it makes you pretty unattractive to women. And this is one of the reasons, because it suggests weakness.” “I blame it on the feminist movement,” Fox News host Katie Pavlich remarked. “Because the feminist movement for decades has told men not to embraces their manliness, that is part of the patriarchy of our society. And that being a man is a bad thing. And that you should downgrade your manliness. And saying ‘man up’ is not acceptable because manning up is not based on gender.” 

“They have all these things where they take the man part out of being a man,” she added. “And then we wonder why men don’t act like men anymore.” Carlson argued that men did not necessarily need to hunt and fish to be masculine. “Men, who on the second date, let their date pay for dinner, I’m sorry that’s disgusting,” he insisted. “And I don’t care. The new norms are — he shouldn’t allow it. Period.” 

Co-host Sandra Smith pointed out that men could show respect for women “and not assume that he’s the macho man” who needs to pay for dinner.“He should be the macho man,” Carlson shot back. “He ought to have respect for himself. Are you kidding? Let a girl pay? What are you joking?” n recent days, Fox News has aired multiple segments suggesting that “female breadwinners” could be a “problem.” “Isn’t there some sort of biological, innate need for me to be the caveman?” host Clayton Morris wondered over the weekend. “Go out and bring home the dinner. Is it emasculating if we don’t do it?”


1. Tucker couldnt get laid in a woman's prison with a hundred pardons

OP by jberryhill  

If the GOP "draft Mitt" movement succeeds...

...it'll be the first time Mitt shows up for a draft!


11. It wont work,

as soon as Mitt hears the word "draft", he'll head to France.

On an OP by kpete  

Hillary Clinton Goes THERE: "Gun control laws have grown too lax and need to be tightened"

May 06, 2014, 12:37 pm 
Clinton: Gun laws too lax 

Gun control laws have grown too lax and need to be tightened, Hillary Clinton said Tuesday during a conference in Washington, D.C. 

“We’re way out of balance,” said the former secretary of State. “We have to reign in what has almost become an article of faith that anybody anywhere can own a gun.” 

Clinton didn’t call for any specific new legislation, but said that it should be possible to make gun laws that protect society yet “still support the vast majority of people to own guns.” 

The early favorite to win the Democratic nomination for the White House in 2016 made the remarks at the 2014 National Council for Behavioral Health Conference. 


73. Bangunzi!

OP by MannyGoldstein  

A friend of a friend claims she got hit on by Bill Clinton

At a White House party. I won't get specific, because it might reveal her identity. (Feel free to assume that I'm lying about this.) 

If you're still with me... she found it to be both totally disgusting and totally intriguing. He was good at his craft. She didn't jump at the opportunity, but she thought about it, and she was more than a decade older than Lewinsky, far more experienced in "the ways of the world". And she was close to Hillary, not Bill. 

Think about it. The President of the United States. A bit of a power imbalance there. 

Anyway, when I heard that story, I became much more sympathetic towards Ms. Lewinsky. How do you say noto... that? 

(Somehow, I suspect that this post will make everyone who reads it angry at me for some reason or another.)


1. Bill Clinton hit on Liz Warren

I scooped you!


3. Not possible.

He'd still have an ice bag affixed to his scrotum, to this day.


7. Give that man a cigar

Oh wait.


49. Prove it or lose your credibility. nt


51. Fail.

One must first have credibility to lose it.

OP by EarlG  

Heeeeeeeere's... Hatemail!

Well it's been a long time since the last DU Hate Mailbag, but since the bag is now overflowing with excreta it's time to empty it out and start all over again. Here are some of our favorites from the past... however many months it's been. Feel free to vote for yours in the poll at the bottom! 

And of course, there is strong language ahead... you've been warned. 


Subject: (no subject) 

I am considering getting the Netflix account. I've been told you have the season 5B of Breaking Bad, supposedly starting today, the 29th as you have stated several times. I look under another account and see you don't have this.. Is this par for the course? Aren't you keeping your word ? I'm in a very large corporate atmosphere and several would enjoy this service, but not if you can't keep your end of the bast gain. What can you say to me about this? It makes me a little angry to have you mislead not just me , but many of us. I'll wait for your reply if you're good enough to respond.


Subject: Why 

Why in the hell was I revoked? Truth to much for you? The nude Cubs bear mascot shows what life has. The devil hates it. People should say Hi shirt or hi pants instead of the name of whoever. That is what people accept.


Subject: you 

suck c-ck


56. I'd love to see the email that NETFLIX got about DU!!! nt


15. Was the "hi pants" guy Gary Busey??

Aldo Leopold  

35. Haha! Had the same thought!

It must be him!


41. Which is odd because he could also be the Netflix guy too!


3. cock, fuck shit dammit.

I hope all of these authors are reading.


24. you spelled the first word incorrectly it's spelled c-ck


28. And here I thought it was spelled Koch!

OP by MineralMan  

President Obama Never Fails To Disappoint

Even before President Obama was elected to be President, I invited him, via email, to my home for a simple dinner, on one of his campaign trips to Minneapolis. Sadly, I got an email letter declining my invitation. I don't believe he wrote it, though. 

Since then, every time he has come to Minneapolis, I have invited him to my home for the same simple dinner. Sometimes, I get a form email in return, declining my kind invitation. Other times, I get no response at all. 

It's always a disappointment, and I'm not going to invite him again. In fact, I refuse to vote for him again in 2016. That should show him the cost of disappointing this voter, I think. 

Please DURec this post if you're also disappointed for a similar reason. 

Disappointment-Way MineralManny 


9. K&R

He didn't show up to my graduation either. I mean, it's not like I graduate everyday.

I invited him to post on DU and promised him a DUzy Award… Still waiting…….


On an OP by one_voice  

Arizona pastor: Women in yoga pants are ‘partially responsible’ for rape

An Arizona pastor who is infamous for preaching that women “deserve” rape defended his position in a video published on Monday. 

In an interview with Vice, University of Arizona student Dean Saxton, who preaches under the name Brother Dean Samuel, explained why he protested outside a documentary about 1998 Miss World Pageant winner and rape survivor Linor Abargil last month. 

During the protest, Saxton held a sign reading, “You Deserve Rape.” And he shouted at women to “give up your immodest clothing” and “yoga pants are sin.” 


“I believe there are certain qualities that may be worthy of rape,” the street preacher added. “If a woman dresses proactively, gets blackout drunk, and is wearing really revealing clothing, then I would say that she is partially responsible for the rape.” 


16. Pastor pants over yoga pants.

On an OP by Liberal_in_LA  

US Army Base Broken Into, Covered in Pot Seeds 200,000 seeds planted

US Army Base Broken Into, Covered in Pot Seeds 
Protesters in Italy sowing the seeds of peace and love, apparently 

(Newser) – Peace and love, man: A group of anti-war Italians opposed to a US Army base in their midst broke into said Army base last week, where they planted about 200,000 marijuana seeds, reports Stars and Stripes. The NoDalMolin protest group posted video of members cutting through the fence at the Del Din base in Vicenza, then planting the pot seeds to send the message that the area should be "devoted to agriculture, horticulture, and the well-being and sociability of Vicenza." Rather hysterically, the group invites locals to partake in a "great harvest festival" come October. US officials say that the group wasn't targeting and didn't come close to ammunition stored at the base. (A similar gambit unrelated to the army proved successful last summer.) 


3. Where do you even get 200,000 pot seeds?

uncle ray  

5. from a 1/4 oz of Mexican Brickweed.

On an OP by doxydad  

The average age of Fox News viewers is 68 and a majority of them...

.... are politically conservative and white. 1.1 percent are non - white. 


Fair and balanced, ya know


5. In a weird coincidence, their average IQ is also 68.

On an OP by GoLeft TV  

Pap and Seder: Anti-Gay GOP Candidate Was Once a Drag Queen

Republican Senate candidate Steve Wiles, who supports an amendment against same-sex marriage, recently stated that he doesn’t “really understand how you can separate the fact that marriage is a religious institution.” While his opinions are seemingly the new norm for many GOP candidates, there is one hypocritical aspect to his views. 

He used to be a drag queen. 

Ring of Fire’s Mike Papantonio and Sam Seder discuss Wiles’ regressive opinions, as well as the false ascension of many Tea Party candidates.

Blue Owl  

1. From Drags to Riches: The Steve Wiles Story


OP by Scuba  

Benghazi Select Committee announced: 7 Republicans, 5 Democrats, 8 Fox News producers

The Benghazi Select Committee lineup announced: It will have 7 Republicans and 5 Democrats, as well as 8 Fox News producers.

This guy is killing me ... 


Rep. Trey Gowdy: “I’m proud to lead the Select Committee on Benghazi, which I expect run until 2016, or possibly 2024 if Hillary wins.”

Rick Perry: “Yeah, I did overstate the number of unemployed by 900%, but, c’mon, math is just one theory that’s out there.”

Supreme Court rules that Koch brothers paying death squads to murder voters is legal as political speech under the 1st Amendment.


On an OP by underpants  

Hoods - BLM contracted wrangler threatened by hooded men at gunpoint in Utah

After two armed men threatened a Bureau of Land Management wrangler on Tuesday in western Utah, workers are removing BLM logos from their vehicles to help avoid additional incidents, the Salt Lake Tribune reported on Thursday. 

The wrangler was driving on a highway near Mills, Utah when two people in a pick-up truck pulled up along side the vehicle. The occupants "told him he was No. 1 with that certain gesture," Eric Reid, the wrangler’s supervisor at the BLM Fillmore Field Office, told the Tribune. 

The men then reappeared in the pick-up truck a few minutes later wearing hoods and holding up a sign that read, "You need to die." One of the men pointed a Glock handgun at the wrangler. 

According to Reid, the two men put duct tape over their license plate so that the truck could not be identified, a strategy used by Bundy supporters in Nevada.


8. They finally took the hoods out of mothballs, I see n/t

On an OP by malaise  

Even the CNN morons want no part of Benghazi


Poor Orange man refused to answer a question about ReTHUGs fundraising off Benghazi. 

Please proceed ReTHUGs!! 

Blue Owl  

2. Bet he's nervously mixing up a screwdriver right now

Arugula Latte  

6. Well, he does need to replenish his orange color, you know.


5. unless Ben Ghazi was the co-pilot of the missing plane, they don't want to hear it

On an OP by joeybee12  

A ‘serial pooper’ on the loose in Houston was caught on camera

The neighborhood of Woodland Heights in Houston, Texas has an unwelcome visitor who has repeatedly defecated in the yards, and more often driveways, of several residents. The ‘serial pooper,’ as some have described the man, has even targeted one particular house six times. 

KPRC, Local 2 reports, Precinct One Constable’s Office Deputies are on the hunt for this unidentified man. He was caught on surveillance video by one of his victims, and authorities are using that footage to track down the suspect. The man leaving his personal waste in the neighborhood is described as an older, balding man with a mustache, who was wearing shorts at the time the video was captured. Deputies say that the man will likely face a charge of criminal mischief or one of indecent exposure. 

Officers believe he is striking between 1:00 a.m. to 4:00 a.m. and when Sergeant J.C. Mosier spoke to radio station KRLD 1080, he said revenge is a possible motive. The sergeant recalled, “I do remember many years ago here in Houston, this was going on and it turned out to be a neighbor who was just mad at people for letting their dogs come in his yard and not cleaning up after them. So he decided to get his own little bit of revenge.” 

Blue Owl  

6. Public Enemy Number Two



8. More like Public Enemy

Number Poo


13. Public enema?

Blue Owl  

9. LOL he could at least have the common courtesy...

to leave one of those little Dimson flags on the finished product... 


10. Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah DUzy

Down memory lane


38. It's an obvious smear campaign.

Lint Head  

21. The police are looking for a stool pigeon.


32. It appears the guy caught on camera is now the fecal point of the investigation. nt


34. thanks for giving us the poop on this. eom


35. i heard he used to play for the houston Asssstros--pitched long relief

he had a deceptive delivery 
nobody slid into base when he was out there. 

he was accused of using pine tar--but it wasn't....


36. They could find him by....

...tracking down the skid marks.
Lots of other good responses, but I was too pooped to include them all!


On an OP by bigtree  

Benghazi committee pic - Friggin Titanic

Kurt Eichenwald ‏@kurteichenwald 7m 
In continuing Benghazi commt fashion show, here's pic released of its first meeting. Are they on the friggin Titanic? pic.twitter.com/1Dj98kMH0p 


1. Although it really should be tilting right


19. It's that point on top of Gowdy-doody's head!!

Can't fit it in the frame if you don't tilt the camera... 

or else it's to show how edgy and cool they think they are. 

Smarmy f*cks. 


3. How the heck did Malfoy get elected?

Everyone knows he's bad news.


11. All I know is that the committee is about to sink


16. GOWDY: First rule of order will be to get some sugar packets under the legs of this table.

On an OP by deminks  

Florida town’s choice: Violate Supreme Court ruling or open meeting with Satanic prayer

Less than three days after the Supreme Court ruled in Town of Greece v. Galloway that prayers before town meetings did not violate the Constitution’s ban on endorsing religion, a self-styled Satanist in Deerfield Beach, Florida has asked city officials to let him open a meeting with a Satanic prayer. 

Chaz Stevens — who made headlines last December when he forced Florida Governor Rick Scott to allow him to erect an 8-foot-tall Festivus pole made of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer cans next to Deerfield Beach’s nativity manger — told the New Times that he recently converted from “Pabstfestidian” because “Satan is a cool dude.” 


He then tacked to a more serious course, adding “I just want equal billing. We allow various religious nutjobs to give a prayer. They pray to Jesus who is make-believe, god who is make-believe, why not Satan who is make-believe?” 


1. I think he'd find Pastafarianism more fulfilling



6. They seem to be on the horns of a dilemma


7. At some level....

there may be hell to pay.


10. Lol. Makes me think of this:

OP by riqster  

23 Hideously Creepy and Inappropriate Children's Toys


Holy shite... 


8. Why is this guy so angry?


9. It lasted longer than four hours, and he didn't call the doctor.

On an OP by raccoon  

When you buy mattresses and box springs, will the vendor to get rid of the old one?

I'm asking because I need to buy new, and I can't haul an old one off in a Camry. 


11. Lounge? nt


13. They have plenty of mattresses. /nt

OP by NuclearDem  

Controversial thread title written in smug snarky tone.

Paragraph referencing recent DU topic of discussion written in snarky tone. 

Paragraph referring to opponents of own position with snarky, smug, dismissive, borderline-TOS-violating language. 

Paragraph suggesting I in fact have all the answers, and those who disagree are sock puppets and trolls. 

Snarky final line completely unrelated to earlier paragraphs. : eyes : : rofl : 

EDIT: Partial backwalking.

The DUzies were flying back and forth, up and down…


On an OP by davidn3600  

1 out of 5 people say they would be willing to have sex with a robot

ATLANTA (CBS ATLANTA) – In a survey of changing attitudes between human beings and robots, nearly one-in-five people said they were “willing to have sex with an android,” despite more than one-third of respondents saying they fear machines will threaten the human race. 

A poll conducted among 2,000 members of the British public by Middlesex University found out what humans think of one day walking, talking – and apparently progressing even further – with robots on a daily basis. 

In addition to the 17 percent of people who said they are prepared to “have sex with an android,” more than one-in-ten claimed they would care for the fruits of such labor – with 11 percent saying they want a robot child similar to David in the movie A.I. 

One of the study recipients said that science seems to have gotten the edge on sex: “It seems to have got to the stage where people would rather have sex with something that knows exactly what it’s doing, where we know exactly how it will react, and how long it will take, and how good it will be,” said one of the participants, according to the Daily Beast, which notes that people’s “self-reliance” may have equipped people to seek such far-fetched sexual independence from other humans.

The Straight Story  

2. Oh great, now I have to hold open doors for robots too???


3. That Energizer Bunny would wear me out


6. Those damn robosexuals!


8. 1 in 20 people are already having sex with a robot.

I'd give some links, but they'd all be NSFW.


39. Wet Dry Shopvacs are not robots!


15. Holy shit! I never realized my EX was so popular!


17. Just imagine the viruses that a sex robot running a Windows OS is going to have.

Oy vey!


18. Not to mention how smugly self-congratulating an Apple sexbot will be.


22. I prefer a desktop version.


34. Damn, I was that close, that close

and then there it was, the Blue Screen of Death!!!!!!!!!!


43. "Just what do you think you're doing, Dave?"

"Dave, I really think that I'm entitled to an answer to that question." 

OP by Tuesday Afternoon  

View of the Milky Way as seen from the surface of Mars =


3. Well, it sure sets the bar high.

Major Nikon  

7. I can't wait for the copycat thread from Uranus

Tuesday Afternoon  

8. now, now, don't be an asteroid


9. That's one small step for fat

And one giant leap for calories.


13. Makes me snicker

On an OP by monmouth3  

Fox News' Eric Bolling: 'I Don't Remember' Any Terrorist Attacks On America During President Bush's

Fox News host Eric Bolling pulled a Rudy Giuliani on Wednesday, asserting that there were no terrorist attacks on "American soil" during President Bush's term in office. 

Giuliani famously made a similar assertion in early 2010, saying, "we had no domestic attacks under Bush." Of course, the 9/11 attacks happened under Bush. 

Bolling's misstatement came during a discussion on the network's Glenn Beck replacement show, "The Five." He and a panel--which included former Bush spokeswoman Dana Perino--were arguing about whether Bush had been guilty of "fear-mongering" during his tenure. Panelist Bob Beckel said that the former president had used fear-mongering around the non-existent weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. As he attempted to continue his point, Bolling cut him off and started to move on to the next segment. 

"America was certainly safe between 2000 and 2008," he said. "I don't remember any attacks on American soil during that period of time." Nobody on the panel challenged this comment. 

trusty elf  

22. .........

Jesus Malverde  

91. .

On an OP by hatrack  

NASA/GRL/Science - Collapse Of West Antarctic Ice Sheet Appears To Be Under Way, Likely Unstoppable

The collapse of large parts of the ice sheet in West Antarctica appears to have begun and is almost certainly unstoppable, with global warming accelerating the pace of the disintegration, two groups of scientists reported Monday. 

The finding, which had been feared by some scientists for decades, means that a rise in global sea level of at least 10 feet may now be inevitable. The rise may continue to be relatively slow for at least the next century or so, the scientists said, but sometime after that it will probably speed up so sharply as to become a crisis. 

“This is really happening,” said Thomas P. Wagner, who runs NASA’s programs on polar ice and helped oversee some of the research. “There’s nothing to stop it now. But you are still limited by the physics of how fast the ice can flow.” Two papers scheduled for publication this week, in the journals Science and Geophysical Research Letters, attempt to make sense of an accelerated flow of glaciers seen in parts of West Antarctica in recent decades. 

Both papers conclude that warm water upwelling from the ocean depths has most likely triggered an inherent instability that makes the West Antarctic ice sheet vulnerable to a slow-motion collapse. And one paper concludes that factors some scientists had hoped might counteract such a collapse will not do so. 


4. The Five Stages of Global Warming Denial:

1. Anger 
2. Bargaining 
3. Depression 
4. Acceptance 
5. Drowning 

OP by EarlG  

Pic Of The Moment: The Exquisite Timing Of Marco Rubio


2. Well, he has a plan for what to do with all that water.

On an OP by UTUSN  

BUNDY ranch gunnutters are panhandling the net because loving their fellow man ain't free

Bundy Ranch's Armed Defenders Seek Welfare to Sit Around Doing Nothing 

Adam Weinstein 

The life of an ever-vigilant anti-government armed patriot is hard. And by hard, I mean dull and unproductive. Also, not very profitable. Maybe that's why all those guys hanging out cleaning their guns in Nevada are now begging hard-working Americans to please give them some money. 

One enterprising ranch defender needs funds so badly, he's taken to GoFundMe: 

"To all American Patriots: 

"I am the Team Leader that took Charlie Delta, the black marine, out to Nevada along with two other volunteers that all did an outstanding job at the Bundy Ranch. I understand most of you have come to know Charlie Delta through his expressed views on Cliven Bundy and the good we are all doing as patriots at the ranch. I am coming to you tonight humbly asking for your help. We may be the front line soldiers facing down an overbearing govt bureaucracy, but we are first off family men and women that have our own homes and jobs and families left behind to take on this endeavor. Therefore we have spent our fortunes for freedom and love of our fellow man and need your help to continue our efforts to keep all Americans free from tyranny. Please if you can spare even a few dollars for food, fuel and supplies to continue the stand against tyranny and an overbearing governtment please help. Even the smallext amount will help keep up the pressure to return this land to the people. I thank you all sincerely for your contribution. 

"Christopher E Ferrell 

"United we stand! Divided we fall!" 

Chris isn't alone in opting for unemployment assistance to play soldier out in the desert. Another self-appointed militia bigwig, Blaine Cooper, took up a GoFundMe collection "for gas, and expenses to help in our fight with the bundies all money will be used for food and gas........." (his page has since been taken down but is cached here.) 

How's the welfare drive going? Shitty. Cooper, who's been something of a celeb in the cause (and is incensed that prison inmates get free food), made just under $1,500 in a month and a half. Ferrell, meanwhile, has netted $170 from five donors... well short of his $100,000 goal. Sheesh. Why don't these losers get jobs? 

Blue Idaho  

9. How long

Before they decide they must take possession of Bundy's cattle so they can sell them to continue the heroic work of protecting Cliven from the overreach of the BLM?


10. Bar-B-Q!!!!!!!!!1 n/t


18. Now now... we start giving you hand-outs and soon you'll become dependent on them

Get a job, loser!

On an OP by Mira  

I need to borrow - or be given to - an old TOUPEE

I am serious. 
I'm getting ready to be part of the crew in www.48hourfilm.com 
we're making a movie for the City of Greensboro. 

The screen writer has informed me we need a toupee, the cheesier the better, and part of my job is to secure props and costumes. 

Goodwill won't do for this one.

pm me if you can help


1. Ask Shakespeare, for in his baldness he asked

Toupee or not toupee, that is the question


7. You better get one

or there will be hell toupee!


10. I thought you were

running for the Senate when I saw your thread title.

Wait Wut  

11. ?

I thought he was going to be Trump's stunt double.


13. Ask Rand Paul

He probably has several squirrels you could borrow. I think that's what he wears on his dome.

OP by DanTex  

Maybe we need a DU "white persons' group".

That way we can discuss the unique challenges facing white people in America. The pain and anger of being reminded of one's white privilege. The n-word double standard. The presumed inability to jump. 

Yes, I'm sure non-white people care about all these issues, but it would be nice for us white folk to be able to discuss in a dedicated forum, with people who share the same experiences. Somewhere we can talk about how we're totally so not at all racist, we're just saying... 

We could also consider merging the white persons' group with the men's group. That way we cover the two most repressed elements of the US population at once. Billionaires who feel threatened by discussions of income inequality, y'all are welcome too. As are straight people marginalized by the "gay agenda". And throw in the gungeon for good measure. 

Of course, we'll need a name for this new forum. Maybe something about "freedom". Or we could go with the "storm" metaphor...


29. Dixiecratic Underground?


2. A link to Freeperville will do.


18. So how can you tell which people are white on a messageboard?


128. Cue Stephen Colbert

"I don't see race online, but people tell me I'm white and I believe them, because when I read the words "white privilege" I get uncomfortable and feel the need to explain why I'm a good person."

OP by rug  

I don't even care what happened to the ball.


3. If it lasts more than 4 hours, call the Baseball Commissioner

On an OP by yortsed snacilbuper  

GOP mission: Name 3,000 things after Reagan!

Conservative activist Grover Norquist wants to name 3,000 things after Ronald Reagan. His next target is a small mountain in Democratic Sen. Harry Reid’s home state. 

The would-be Mount Reagan, at 3,366 feet, is not nearly the highest peak in Nevada. But it does overlook Las Vegas and, as such, would remind all who visit and live there of the former two-term California governor who went on to become president and lodestar of the Republican Party. 

Arugula Latte  

1. Remember to flush the toilet after you take a Reagan, okay you guys?

Major Nikon  

7. 3,366' is not a mountain, it's a hill

So calling it a mountain and naming it after Saint Ronnie does kinda seem appropriate.

On an OP by Capt. Obvious  

Okay, I've decided to wade in (at the risk of causing another war)

I'm now getting milk delivered from a dairy farm. I know, I know, it's really expensive. 

I was against the idea at first and argued vehemently against this new course in our life. I argued that it was too expensive, and that we don't drink milk that often, and that we end up dumping unused milk too often as it is. 

Well, I lost that debate.. and I'm quite thrilled. The milk is amazing. We tear through those delivered glass bottles faster than they can deliver them. 

Now we're even having fresh bacon, butter, and you name it delivered from the farm and it's amazing. My god, their bacon! I may even put it in my coffee. 

I hope this thread doesn't tear us apart.

Dr. Strange  

6. Great.

Another white milk privilege thread.

Capt. Obvious  

11. We get the chocolate milk too

Also delicious.

Dr. Strange  

14. Oh sure.

Some of your best milk is chocolate, no doubt. 

You're fooling no one, you milk Freeper!

On an OP by ChisolmTrailDem  

Why weren't bush and cheney at the...

National 9/11 Memorial Museum's emotional opening and dedication ceremony this morning? 

The Obamas were there. The Clintons were there. Ghouliani was there. 

Where was shrubco?? Why were they not there???


42. Simple...

Bush was AWOL, and Cheney got another deferment. As usual!

On an OP by brooklynite  

Ben Carson Moves Toward Presidential Run

Source: Weekly Standard

Ben Carson is warming to the idea of running for president. Since the famous brain surgeon retired last year from Johns Hopkins Hospital, he’s been speaking around the country to enthusiastic audiences. And they’ve affected his thinking about seeking national office. 

“Over the years, there have been many attempts to get me to throw my hat in the political arena,” Carson writes in his new book, One Nation: What We Can All Do to Save America’s Future. “I have been offered support from around the country and tremendous financial resources if I decide to run for national office. But I have not felt the call to run.” 

Carson writes that he suspects many others interested in high office would be better candidates. But in his book he has a caveat: “If I felt called by God to officially enter the world of politics, I would certainly not hesitate to do so.” 

Interviewed this week, Carson said he’s “starting to feel it. Because every place I go, it’s unbelievable.” One lady “really touched me the other night … She just kept clinging to my hand and said, ‘You have to run. You have to run.’ And so many people tell me that, and so I think I’m starting to hear something.”


4. Dr. Carson -- your transportation awaits!


15. So if Ben Carson, Allen West, and Herman Cain all run in 2016.....

...will that split the African-American Republican vote that is entirely composed of Ben Carson, Allen West and Herman Cain?


44. Hillary won't sleep a wink tonight after this news

On an OP by warrior1  

Why no news reports of the big traffic jams of the 10 to 30 mil. teabaggers going to Washington..

I'm just saying

Warren Stupidity  

1. They are all driving over other people's property in their big wheel monster trucks

and avoiding socialist roads and bridges.

On an OP by bigtree  

American Spring: That's 10 million people, swear to God


79. No! That is 10 milling people! Not 10 million! eom


33. Has anyone spotted Ted Nugent yet?

Fred Phelps? (oh, wait...)


48. Fred Phelps?

I'm sure they could dig him up somewhere. 

Oh...too soon?

OP by Enrique  

American Spring spotted on the way to DC


8. Here's a few more trying to get there too


11. The White House fence might help although these are trying to scale it


10. Here's one that arrived and is waiting for the others on the Mall


18. Having forgotten to order Porta-Potties..............

Teapublican patriots demand their ancestral rights to public restrooms. 


38. and the women come very fashionable...


32. Looks like Donald Trump's



46. Everyone's got this thing totally wrong!

This, is A-Merkin-Spring: 


- Good night. I'll be here thru next Thursday and try the veal!!!

On an OP by johnp3907  

Favorite headline so far "Operation American Spring Misses Projected Attendance By About 9,999,850."

I also love the banner that reads: "America IS a Christian Nation." I didn't even know there WAS a nation called "America." 


6. It's another inexcusable Obama failure!

winter is coming  
11. I hope that guy in the center of the photo brought some paint to fix his sign,

cause he put "Obama" on there by mistake.

central scrutinizer  

9. It was that damn autofill feature gain

He typed in; "We expect 10 to 30 mullets to show up" and the autofill, not recognizing "mullets", switched it to "millions" and he hit "send" before proofreading.

OP by Playinghardball  

30,000,000 patriots arrive in Washington DC disguised as empty folding chairs!


1. this just released...


8. Was Clint Eastwood there

to talk to the chairs?


6. Who paid for those chairs?


16. Hopefully, the Koch brothers. n/t

On an OP by AngryAmish  

What would you do if your SO forbade you from going to a bachelorette party?

Or a bachelor party. 

Also, assume normal party with booze and strippers.

winter is coming  

19. Tell him we need the money?

Oh, wait, you meant as a guest


13. Forbade?

Excuse me a second....

OP by Eleanors38  

Breaking: GD Posts About American Spring Exceed Attendance.

Curious onlookers flock to site of American Spring after reading some thirty-two thousand accounts of the sparsely-attended event, quickly inflating the number of demonstrators. 

"They looked like old 'Sixties hippies," mused one demonstrator, "But we can use everyone we can get; besides, most of us look like that, too."


Thanks Admin for fixing DU for us poor victims of CenturyLink… may they rot in hell!

Posted by Flying Squirrel | Mon May 19, 2014, 06:47 AM (22 replies)

*** DUzy Awards Apr 26 - May 2, 2014 ***

TGIF! And welcome to….


Special thanks to:

CaliforniaPeggy, countryjake, CrispyQ, dixiegrrrrl, kentauros,

and everyone else who contributed to this edition -- either by:

responding to a post with "DUzy" in the subject line,

or by sending me a PM.

The DUzy awards couldn't happen without you!

OP by riqster  

A bit of happy Trolling for a sunny Saturday!


1. I alerted on this.


2. Sic semper trollus.

Or something like that.


3. Careful, or this thread could turn into a train wreck.

Boom Sound 416  

6. I see this going off the rails


7. Investigators likely to find non-human error to blame

The cotton candy-colored hair will be the smoking gun.


9. And the use of plastics will no doubt cause concern.


5. each and every one sent packing by MIRT



OP by Omaha Steve  

Who is is Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkel Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs?


The Oz books by L. Frank Baum (and the film) are of course more closely associated with Kansas, but the Wizard himself is an Omaha native. Sure, the Wizard tells Dorothy he's a Kansas man in the movie, but what of the writing on that hot air balloon? In the books, he's an Omaha guy. Another fun fact: The Wizard's full name is Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkel Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs. A common Nebraska name. 


1. So that means that

his initials are: 



On an OP by darkangel218  

What do you guys think of full mouth veneers?

Anyone here had it done? 
I have pretty healthy teeth but I would like them to be super white, which can't be achived with normal laser procedures. Should i go ahead with the veneers? 
My only concern is that once you have them done, you need to keep them ( or replacement caps ) forever.


5. I'm an art historian, and I'm tired. I thought your post said, "full mouth Vermeers"

Clearly, I need to go back to bed..... 

Arugula Latte  

8. Well, that's understandable, given that he painted "Girl With Pearly Whites"


On an OP by brooklynite  

What Running Out of Power in a Tesla on the Side of a Highway Taught Me


It's 209 miles from the parking lot of a Chili's in Barstow, California, where we are, to the parking lot of a Carl's Jr. in Kingman, Arizona, where we need to go. I'm in a rented Tesla Model S, a sleek, battery-powered electric vehicle, with a travel companion. We're just about fully charged, and the car estimates it can travel 247 miles before we need more juice. That's a buffer of 38 miles, which should be more than enough to reach Kingman. We'll soon realize it isn't. 

The seemingly random parking lots I'm traveling between are sites of a new nationwide network of fast battery charging stations for drivers of Tesla's Model S. The company calls them "Superchargers" — direct-current battery charging stations of a proprietary design that can bring a nearly dead Model S battery to full charge in a little over an hour. That's much faster than the roughly 8 hours it would take by plugging into a wall outlet in your garage. Tesla's official reason for building this private network of battery charging infrastructure (currently up to 80 stations and counting) is to encourage Model S drivers to take road trips — a concept otherwise unthinkable in a car powered only by a battery. I'm testing it out on a weekend road trip from Los Angeles into Arizona and back. 

For drivers of electric vehicles, calculations of distance and range are of near-constant concern. How far you want to go must always be less far than your battery can take you. The Nissan Leaf, for example, can get up to 84 miles of range on a full charge — enough for most people's daily commutes and errands, but hardly a long-distance option. The estimated 265-mile range of a fully equipped Tesla Model S has allayed some concerns about having enough juice to get where you want to go. Coupled with the Supercharger network, it's made the idea of taking a battery-powered road trip feasible — even cross-country. Feasible, I quickly find, is not the same thing as simple. 

An hour outside of Barstow I notice on the digital dashboard display that the 38-mile buffer between range and distance has fallen hard to about 20. We panic. We've got more than a hundred miles to go, a lot of it uphill, and if the buffer keeps decaying at this rate, we'll never make it. I'd been driving as I normally would, not realizing that higher speeds and the rising elevation would drain the battery faster — that "estimated" range really is just an estimate. In any effort to save battery life, we turn off the stereo and dim the huge touch screen control panel. I figure out the cruise control and drop it down to 63. We coast and hope.

Unless Tesla is going to make the advance investment of charging stations that are a prolific as gas stations, I don't see how this will catch on.


12. We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert

when the batteries began to discharge.


15. I keep a spare can of electrons in the trunk for just this sort of emergency


OP by nadinbrzezinski  

That is a falcon sighting alright!!!!

It is also somewhat full of memories. Mom drove a green one when I was a kid. That think actually had seat belts, that is 1968. They were not mandatory, except in mom's car.


On an OP by WillyT  

It Got Embarrassing...



1. Don't worry, man. It happens to all guys at some point. nt


OP by edbermac  

Sticker fail.


2. The secret to a great dish is that you have to use Fi dough

Boom Sound 416  

12. Rover On the Floor Laughing

Baitball Blogger  

3. The featured recipes include...

Pooched eggs 

Mutt-in Stew 

Chow mein 

Chow Chow 

Yorkshire Terrier Pudding 

Maltese Shake 

Cranberry Pomeranian Sauce 


4. And for dessert

Boston Terrier Cream Pie 


Chocolate Lab Cake 


14. don't forget -Hot digity dog

which is a real recipe I found years ago on an international cooking site - had tomatoes, pineapple, peppers, and beer and dog, if I remember correctly the site said it tasted like mutton, I'll take their word for it


15. You want French poodle fries

with that? 


17. yes with a side of cats-up

Dr. Strange  

20. It's a cookbook!


On an OP by RandySF  

Teen Arrested With Loaded Gun In Vagina

Cops say a Tennessee teen who got arrested for driving with a suspended license on Monday had a surprise in store for police. 

When a female corrections officer at Kingsport jail performed a search on 19-year-old Dallas Archer, she allegedly discovered an "unknown object" lodged in the young woman's crotch. She alerted another female officer, who accompanied her during a further examination, according to documents obtained by the Smoking Gun. 

The officers allegedly discovered a loaded, five-shot, four-inch .22 caliber mini-revolver concealed in Archer's vagina. It turns out that the gun was stolen last year when John Souther's car was "ransacked" in an auto burglary, cops said. 

Souther, a 70-year-old retired car salesman, told TSG that he'd make sure to give his stolen "little fellow... a bath in bleach.”



9. Vagina is for gun lovers. n/t


10. There may be an untapped market for a gun designed to fit comfortably in a vagina


13. I would not tap that


11. Well Georgia governor signed a bill that said you could carry guns anywhere

not sure that is what he meant.

Lizzie Poppet  

46. When I first saw this, and took in the pic of the pistol...

...my first reaction was, "girl, you might consider a hammerless version." 

My next thought was "what the fuck is up with that hairstyle? 


On an OP by Skidmore  

Wow! Palin is called "blasphemous" by a Christian group over her torture remarks at NRA.



Large Christian Organization Starts Petition Against Sarah Palin 
byLeslie Salzillo 

Faithful America, is the largest and fastest growing online community of Christians, putting faith into action for social justice. They say they are tired of watching the messages of Jesus be continuously hijacked to serve right-wing political agendas. 

This week Faithful America is speaking out, and taking action against Sarah Palin, after her incredibly hateful and bizarre statement during the 2014 National Rifle Association NRAAM convention. Speaking to a cheering NRA crowd, Sarah Palin said, 

"…Water boarding is how we baptize terrorists." 

Faithful America started a petition saying: 

"This is what we've come to in America: A former candidate for vice-president can equate torture and Holy Baptism, and one of the nation's most powerful political lobbies erupts into cheers and applause. 


2. Poor Sarah.

Even her imaginary friends hate her.


On an OP by ashling  

Trump: Donald Sterling Was 'Set Up'


Real estate mogul Donald Trump condemned Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling's alleged racist comments on Monday, but suggested Sterling had been "set up" by the "girlfriend from hell." 

TMZ released audio that purported to be a conversation between Sterling and his girlfriend V. Stiviano on Friday, in which Sterling told Stiviano that he didn't want her taking photos with black people or bringing blacks -- like NBA legend Magic Johnson -- to basketball games with her. The fallout was swift and widespread: everyone from President Barack Obama to Michael Jordan condemned the remarks and the NAACP revoked Sterling's lifetime achievement award. 

"It's terrible. He got set up by a very, very bad girlfriend, let's face it," Trump said on "Fox & Friends." 

Tuesday Afternoon  

5. The only thing set up is Donald's hair.


6. The Donald warns that you will have toupee for that!


OP by malaise  

Imagine if all this time dedicated to basketball was allocated to Piketty's new book

We would change the economic debate.


1. Maybe Piketty should tell some attractive young woman...

...to not hang around with rich people. To not post pictures of herself with them and to not bring any of them to the bookstore with her. 

For the sarcasm impaired >>>>--------> 


On an OP by 47of74  

Businesses lose thousands due to Cloven Hoof Bundy and his gang of thugs.


MESQUITE, Nev. -- Hotels in Mesquite say they have already lost more than a $100,000 in business because of armed militia groups patrolling Bunkerville. 

8 News NOW has learned Mesquite Police are investigating death threats to hotel staffers following a bomb threat earlier this month. The threats were reportedly called in by supporters of Cliven Bundy, the Bunkerville rancher battling over his cattle with the Bureau of Land Management. 

Democratic Representative Steven Horsford says people are living in fear, under the constant presence of armed militia groups. 

8 News NOW investigated those claims and found that while people from some of the top hotel chains didn't want to go on camera, the dispute is costing them, and the community, plenty.


6. Send in the drones!

There ought to be drones!


10. Don't bother, they're here. (nt)


On an OP by spanone  

dear rep. michael grimm...you, sir, are an asshole.

this is the sweetheart that threatened to throw a reporter off a balcony. 

Blue Owl  

5. The Grimm Freeper



On an OP hrmjustin  

Staten Island's Grimm resigns post on House committee

Staten Island Advance 

STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. -- Rep. Michael Grimm, who surrendered Monday on federal charges, has resigned his post on the House Financial Services Committee. 

In a press release issued late Monday night, the congressman described the resignation as temporary. 



1. They threw him under the balcony.



On an OP by Judi Lynn  

Star cluster hurtling towards earth

Andrew Griffin 
Thursday 01 May 2014 

A galaxy has thrown out a star cluster towards earth at more than two million miles per hour. But it is, thankfully, likely to miss our planet and “drift through the void between the galaxies for all time,” says the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics. 

Astronomers aren’t sure why the star cluster — named HVGC-1 — got thrown out at such high speed. One possibility is that the galaxy had two supermassive black holes at its core, experts said, which the stars came too close to. The black holes then threw out the star cluster like a slingshot. 

Those black holes were formed by a long-ago collisions of two galaxies. That merged into one single galaxy — a fate that awaits Milky Way when it collides with Andromeda. 

The cluster was found by astronomers studying the galaxy, who initially thought that its speed was the result of a glitch.



1. Obamas fault


On an OP by malaise  

So Paul Ryan met with the Congressional Black Caucus

My question is why?


2. Maybe his girlfriend has some recordings?


11. The reaction was predictable ...


On an OP by hootinholler  

So Jebbie is floating the trial balloon

Saw chimpy on the tee vee this morning saying that lil bro will make an outstanding prez. Told him to call him if he needs advice. 

Perhaps Jeb really is the smarter one in that he hasn't called chimpy for advice as yet. 

I also have to wonder what that advice would consist of.

Xipe Totec  

1. Buffoon. Trial Buffoon. nt


3. Advice from GWB:


8. How about this for a constitutional amendment:

Article 1: "Any person or persons with the surnames Bush or Walker shall be prohibited from holding or running for the office of President of the United States of America. 


OP by Lady Freedom Returns  

So where should the Republican National Convention be?


1. Benghazi


6. ...or the Bundy Ranch


28. Why not? Half the attendees are already there.


9. A sinkhole is appropriate


42. In their butts

Their heads are already there.


Thanks all for the kind words, and you are all very welcome! Until next week...

Posted by Flying Squirrel | Fri May 2, 2014, 08:33 PM (22 replies)

*** DUzy Awards: Thank God Easter's Over Edition ***

TGIF! And welcome to….


Special thanks to:

CrispyQ, countryjake, siligut, UrbScotty,

and everyone else who contributed to this edition -- either by:

responding to a post with "DUzy" in the subject line,

or by sending me a PM.

The DUzy awards couldn't happen without you!

On an OP by MohRokTah  

NBC Hired A Psychological Consultant To Fix 'Meet The Press'

Tom Kludt – April 21, 2014, 9:32 AM EDT 

Desperate to reverse the fortunes of one of its flagship programs, NBC commissioned a psychological consultant to interview the friends and family of "Meet the Press" host David Gregory. 

According to the Washington Post, the work was done last year to help turn around the Sunday morning talk show that once dominated the genre but has fallen to third place behind its rivals on CBS and ABC. 

A spokeswoman for NBC told WaPo the consultant, who even interviewed Gregory's wife, was brought in "to get perspective and insight from people who know him best.” 

The psychological assessment "struck some at NBC as odd, given that Gregory has been employed there for nearly 20 years," according to WaPo. 


I can sum the problem up in two words. Smug asshole. 



1. THey should get one for everyone who watches that crap


3. Consultants are expensive -- could've asked DU for free. nt

Half-Century Man  

26. Have a revolving panel of selectees from DU as host.

It will be lively and probably a bit more profane...er profound.


On an OP by Fridays Child  

What are these little doodads?

I found these four little metal objects, at the end of my driveway, today. Any ideas? The photo makes them look darker than they really are. They look like stainless steel. 


11. they're called 'nickels' and they ain't worth half a dime if you ask me!

sowweee, had to play 


OP by Scuba  

An eggceptionally sad scene

Puns flew left and right, DUzy to everyone who replied to this one!


On an OP by Jesus Malverde  

Woman finds body while hunting for Easter eggs

A Tennessee woman says she made a grisly discovery while hunting for Easter eggs in her back yard with her 3-year-old son: a dead body. 

Tara Hanouskova said she had noticed a foul smell but didn't find the source until Wednesday, when she noticed tennis shoes in the crawl space under her deck while hunting for eggs with her son. 

Her son didn't notice the man's body, and police investigated discreetly, she said. 

Many more puns, but in light of the grisly discovery… enter at your own risk:


On an OP by hrmjustin  

Report: Missing Drug Evidence Never Recovered From New York State Police Barracks

HAWTHORNE, N.Y. (CBSNewYork) – Unanswered questions linger in the scandal of missing evidence involving illicit and prescription drugs at a New York State Police barracks in Hawthorne. 

As WCBS 880′s Sean Adams reported, what happened here at the State Police Troop K barracks in Hawthorne is still a bit of a mystery. 

In 2011, some evidence went missing, including lost or stolen cocaine, prescription painkillers and marijuana, according to the Albany Times Union. 



1. In unrelated news, Annual State Police Party Remembered As "Best One EV-AHHH!!!"


On an OP by eridani  

Whoopi Goldberg Debuts as Marijuana Columnist


Oscar-winning actress, comedienne and talk-show host Whoopi Goldberg sang the praises of marijuana inhaled through a pocket vaporizer on Thursday as she made her debut as an online pot columnist. 

"The vape pen has changed my life. No, I'm not exaggerating. In fact, her name is Sippy." wrote Goldberg, 58, about her pocket vaporizer on "The Cannabist," a pot-friendly website run by the Denver Post newspaper in Colorado. 

The Rocky Mountain state was the second in the United States, after Washington in the Pacific Northwest, to legalize marijuana for recreational use. 

But Goldberg opted to focus on how pot, inhaled through Sippy, has helped her cope with massive headaches induced by glaucoma, an eye disorder suffered by more than three million Americans that can potentially lead to blindness. 

"It helps my head stop hurting, and with glaucoma your eyes ache, and she takes the ache out. It's wonderful," she said. 

"The high is different, too. It feels like a gentle, warm breeze at the beach. It's like someone undoing a vise grip, very slowly. It's not overpowering — and I'm certainly not looking for that high high. I'm looking for relief."


2. Why is Colorado "second in the US after Washington <> to legalize marijuana for recreational use"

The elections were on the same day.

Warren DeMontague  

4. Because Seattle won the super bowl.

Sorry, too soon?


6. Win or lose it was a Super "Bowl" for both states n/t


On an OP by DonViejo  

'Duck Dynasty' Show Canceled In Missouri Due To Low Ticket Sales

TOM KLUDT – APRIL 18, 2014, 12:24 PM EDT 

The "Duck Dynasty" clan isn't the draw it used to be. Not even in the Bible Belt. Promoters announced last month that members of the Robertson family would appear at a show titled "Faith, Family & Ducks" at an 11,000-seat arena in Springfield, Mo. 

For $37, $50 or $58, fans could enjoy live music and hear the bayou millionaires talk about "living the American dream" while staying true to their "family values and modest lifestyle." But according to local media reports, the April 27 event has been canceled due to low ticket sales. 

The golden era for the A&E reality series appears to be over. Ratings for last month's season five finale were down almost 30 percent from the previous year. The season opened to disappointing ratings a month after the family's patriarch, Phil Robertson, made racist and homophobic remarks in an interview with GQ. 

A&E briefly suspended Robertson before capitulating to conservatives like Sarah Palin and Bobby Jindal. 




2. Duck Dynasty mania is listed as a psychiatric mallardy in DSM-5


17. Quackery!


22. Fortunately, that humor

passed me by. I ducked.

Blue Owl  

38. Most insurance policies won't cover that bill...



On an OP by babylonsister  

Boy Buys Smoke Detectors Instead of Beloved PS4


Boy Buys Smoke Detectors Instead of Beloved PS4 
Video at link~ 
By Good News Network Wednesday, April 23, 2014 

An 8-year-old Texas boy had been saving for months to buy the expensive PlayStation 4, but after seeing the TV news report of a devastating fire, he changed his mind. 

A mother and her 6-year-old child were killed by a fire near his home, and the story had a real impact on Hector Montoya. So he took the $300 he had saved and spent the money on smoke detectors. 

"Saving a life is more important," Montoya said. 

The Grand Prairie Fire Department showed Hector and his friends how to actually install the small devices in people's ceilings and the group went door to door installing more than 100.


9. redneck smoke alarms would have been cheaper


OP by MynameisBlarney  

Shamelessy ripped from someones FB post.


I'm one o' them dang 'ol High Fallutent's!


1. The apostrophes made me do it.


3. High Fullutent?


8. Also known as "fancy farting"

From a melding of high fallutin'" and "flatulent". From Shakespeare, or maybe some other Shakey fellow.


13. Emos?

That hurts dude 
Now I need 24 Hour Revenge Therapy


43. I got 12! HIGH SCORE


59. Wait a minute

You're not counting "High Fallutent" and "Sophisticated Swine" as two separate things, are you?


On an OP by quinnox  

My grammar nazi revealed, so what are common spelling and grammar errors that annoy you?

God, I hate the common internet error "noone", it has driven me crazy ever since it appeared (which has been years ago, now). Did you know you can even find it in recently published books and other professional things like computer game manuals, that should know better? The really annoying thing is sometimes you can't tell if they mean "none" or "no one". That one is at the very top of my list. What are some of the all too common spelling and grammar errors that drive you up the wall?


1. Well,

their are just to many for you're list!


18. None. I make a living (in part) correcting people's mistakes . . .

I'm paid well to help others seem intelligent. Why would I bemoan the degeneration of grammar or the loss of the art of effective writing?


25. The worst for me


133. My job includes a lot of writing, typing, and editing.

When I go back and see typos on my posts here it sometimes bother me but I usually don't go back and fix them. It mostly happens when posting from an iPod rather than whwn typing on a computer keyboard.


149. I kvnow wvhat ywouv meamn.


174. Just for fun.

Ode To Spell Check 

I have a spelling chequer. 
It came with my PC. 

It planely marx four my revue, 
Miss takes eye can know sea. 

I've run this peom threw it, 
And I'm shore your glad two no. 

Its wonder full in every whey. 
My chequer tolled mi sew.

On a related note, I've been wondering for some time: Is it "The DUzies" or "The DUzy's"?


OP by redqueen  

Just some stuff (pic heavy - HOF THREAD)

Not your average DUzy thread, but includes some fun gifs and a hilarious raccoon series


On an OP by LiberalArkie  

This Incredible Animation Was Made By Code That Could Fit on a Floppy


This is no 20 GB video file, painstakingly pulled from a render farm. All of it was generated in real time by one tiny algorithm. And it's amazing. 

Every Easter, the town of Saarbrücken, Germany, plays host to Revision, a demoparty where hundreds of programmers and artists get together for four days of showing off. This year, the demoscene group Mercury unveiled an incredible 64k intro called The Timeless. Since the file size is limited to 64 kilobytes, the graphics and music are all generated algorithmically in real time—this is called procedural generation. 

liberal N proud  

2. And half of the readers are going "what's a floppy?"


3. My wife can answer that question


On an OP by LittleBlue  

Artist gives birth to vaginal painting

Oh, performance art. You never cease to amaze us. 

The latest instance of eye-opening art spectacle comes to us courtesy of Swiss artist Milo Moire. During this year's Art Cologne fair in Germany, she "gave birth" to an artwork by seemingly squeezing paint eggs out of her vagina onto an empty canvas. She did so in a very public space outside the fair, providing unsuspecting passersby with a visual overload of a nude woman laboring -- quite literally -- for the sake of art. 

"The 'PlopEgg Painting'...releases a loose chain of thoughts -- about the creation fear, the symbolic strength of the casual and the creative power of the femininity," the video's description reads. "At the end of this almost meditative art birth performance the stained canvas is folded up, smoothed and unfolded to a symmetrically reflected picture, astonishingly coloured and full of ." 

Moire is no stranger to boundary-pushing performance. For her "Script System" piece, the artist rode public transit in her birthday suit, surprising more than a few commuters with her unabashed nudity. She follows in the footsteps of a long line of provocative artists -- Marina Abramovic, Yoko Ono, Franco B -- who have used forms of nudity as a means of artistic disruption.



1. Wow, roughly as impressive as men squirting paint out of their thangs...

the true artist, however, paints with their nose, on the canvas of the handkerchief... 

Oh, and of course "wiping their ass on the flag."


138. That would be seminal art, though n/t


14. Damn, why did I even waste my time going to art school?


94. um..... that's actually a very good question....


17. Meh...anybody can do that...

You know what's really impressive? 

Eating a box of Crayolas and shitting out the Mona Lisa. 


50. Some guy back in the nineties, can't remember his name

gave himself paint enemas and, um, expelled the medium onto canvas. My first thought was, "Any asshole can do that".

Blue Owl  

56. She ain't gettin' squat for these paintings



57. From a business perspective, she laid an egg.


78. Well...

... that is something alright.

It's ART! This one is definitely not for everyone.


On an OP by arely staircase  

If human beings develop the ability to live forever, is that good for the species as a whole?

I am watching Morgan Spurlock's show on CNN and he is discussing cutting edge biotechnology that some say someday might make living forever possible. A couple of concerns pop in to my head. If everyone one can live forever, where is the room for the new people going to come from? Or, more likely, it won't be everyone but an elite group of very wealthy people who will become the immortals who have yet another advantage over the rest of us. Think of the trouble the Koch brothers could cause if they lived forever. Yes I know that when they die other Koch-like people will come along. They have always been with us and always will. But an immortal Koch brother would be a super predator version - one that didn't have to learn everything anew. They would be able to accumulate hundreds, or rather infinite, years of personal experience that others didn't, which is quite different that the collective cumulative knowledge we all benefit from. I am just sort of thinking out loud (or as I write) but wouldn't these be problems?


5. Koch bros would raise retirement age to 175.


On an OP by lutefisk  

Wisconsin resident on Time's 100 Most Influential People in the World list

I shit you not. 
And is that a bullet hole sticker on the gas tank? What's up with that? 


Blue Owl  

2. Cheesy Rider

Setting off on a cross-country road trip to smuggle Koch...


OP by RoccoRyg  

I'm not paying my rent

I just told my landlord that I don't recognize his ownership of my apartment and I will no longer pay my rent. When are the armed, right-wing militias going to come and back me up? 

Happy Easter, everyone.


8. I think you're all flat, no cattle


18. I would come help you, but

I don't own a cowboy hat, sorry. 

Will there be free t-shirts?


49. Be sure to wave a flag with your landlord's picture on it...

...while you're not recognizing him! 


OP by Mr.Bill  

Spokesman for Nevada Rancher Cliven Bundy speaks out:


OP by Silent3  


Come celebrate TOTAL FREEDOM at BUNDYFEST, just across the street from the Cliven Bundy Ranch, in Bunkerville, Nevada! 240 bands, 24 hours a day, for a SOLID ROCKIN' MONTH!!!! 

*PENIS ERECTION CONTEST: Erect the largest penis in the open desert, win valuable prize! (tbd) 

BACKGROUND: For years, we paid permitting fees to hold Burning Man on the beautiful Playa in Northern Nevada. But now, Cliven Bundy has shown us a NEW WAY! ABSOLUTE FREEDOM! Bundy has declared the entire area surrounding Bundy Ranch as a TOTALLY RULES-FREE ZONE! ANYTHING GOES! WOO-HOO!!! 

Why should Burning Man end on September 1st? Swing down to Vegas for a few days for some R&R, a few good buffets, and then HEAD ON UP TO BUNDYFEST! All 50,000+ Burning Man participants are invited to attend -- and as many more as can make the trip from anywhere in the world! 100,000? 250,000? THE SKY IS THE LIMIT AT BUNDYFEST! The desert surrounding Bundy's ranch is LIMITLESS!


3. Hell YES I want to erect a large penis in the open desert!

And win a valuable prize!


5. There's already a big prick at that location.


On an OP by ProSense  

GOP rats jumping ship from the good ship SS Cliven Bundy

by MTmofo 

The rush for the microphones to backpedal from Bundy should prove interesting as the week closes. Vannity, of course, will be last one to disembark. 

As we learned from Sam Loomis' diary earlier, the Bundenberger has a few more thoughts to share on "the Negroes". 

The rush for the exits has started. 

Later in the article in Sam's diary: 

A spokesman for Mr. Paul, informed of Mr. Bundy’s remarks, said the senator was not available for immediate comment. Chandler Smith, a spokesman for Mr. Heller, said that the senator “completely disagrees with Mr. Bundy’s appalling and racist statements, and condemns them in the most strenuous way.” A spokeswoman for Mr. Abbott, Laura Bean, said that the letter he wrote “was regarding a dispute in Texas and is in no way related to the dispute in Nevada.”

FromRaw Story: 

The remarks brought about a quick rebuke from Chandler Smith, a spokesperson for Sen. Dean Heller (R-NV). Heller had previously called Bundy and his supporters “patriots” for their actions and challenged Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid’s (D-NV) description of them as “domestic terrorists.” 

Smith told the Times that Heller “completely disagrees with Mr. Bundy’s appalling and racist statements, and condemns them in the most strenuous way.” 

Bundy’s speech also seemingly derailed Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott’s (R) apparent attempt to link his gubernatorial campaign to the Bunkerville camp; Abbott had allegedly written a letter to the BLM accusing it of “threatening” to seize land along the Red River in northern Texas. But after being contacted regarding the rancher’s “Negro” remarks, a spokesperson for Abbott was quoted as saying that Abbott’s letter “was regarding a dispute in Texas and is in no way related to the dispute in Nevada.”



7. A spokeswoman for Mr. Abbott, Laura Bean, said that the letter

he wrote “was regarding a dispute in Texas and is in no way related to the dispute in Nevada.” 

So is she trying to say that Bundy only hates Texas minorities & not those in Nevada? 


10. Yeah, he only wanted to tell us about the Texas Negro.

He has no comment about the Nevada Negro.

Warren DeMontague  

53. "Now wait just a cotton-pickin' minute!"

"I mean, uh......"


On an OP by MohRokTah  

Hannity THROWS Bundy under the bus

Hannity Disgusted With Bundy: Race Comments 'Beyond Repugnant' 

Dylan Scott – April 24, 2014, 3:29 PM EDT 

Conservative media titan Sean Hannity, formerly one of Nevada rancher Clive Bundy's strongest advocates, expressed his vehement disgust Thursday with the latter's remarks on slavery 

Bundy's comments "are beyond repugnant to me. They are beyond despicable to me. They are beyond ignorant to me," Hannity said during his radio show. 

He then turned his anger toward Democrats who would use Bundy's comments to attack conservatives. 

"They want to say that conservatives are racist. Conservatives hate women," Hannity said. "Conservatives want old people to die, granny over the cliff. They want the young people to fend for themselves. They want to poison the air and poison the water."


Bundy has now opened up the way for the BLM to go back and finish the job. No way will Hannity or any other Fox News personality air anything about it.


1. Bundy won't mind.

As long as it was under the front of the bus. You know, for white people...


10. Funny how...


On an OP by malaise  

Stowaway, 16, survives flying more than 5 hours in freezing temperatures in WHEEL WELL of plane


A 16-year-old stowaway has miraculously survived flying halfway across the Pacific in the wheel well of a flight from California to Hawaii - despite temperatures of -81F (-62C) at 38,000 feet. 

The teen was discovered on the tarmac at the Maui airport on Sunday carrying no ID or belongings - apart from a comb - and told the FBI he had run away from home after an argument with his parents. 

'Kid's lucky to be alive,' FBI spokesman Tom Simon in Honolulu said on Sunday night. 

Among those skeptical about his journey, medical experts said his body would have had to fall into a hibernation-like state - with his heart beating only a couple of times a minute - for him to survive. 

This kid one one lucky young man. Hope he has a good life. 


4. Just plane crazy

Major Nikon  

25. Beats running away with the circus


26. For runaways, it used to be the go-to place to flea


12. He initially hid in the engine compartment but was exhausted.

11 Bravo  

18. He also ruled out hiding beneath the ailerons ... he was unflappable.


On an OP by Omaha Steve  

1888 shipwreck found in San Francisco Bay

Source: AP-Mercury News


The first images of the newly discovered wreckage of a steamship that sank in San Francisco Bay in 1888, killing 16 people, were released Wednesday by federal ocean scientists. 

The iron and wood steamship City of Chester went down on Aug. 22, 1888, after it was struck in dense fog by a larger ship. 

The collision came soon after family members bid their loved ones safe passage and the Chester departed with 106 passengers for Eureka, Calif., and Portland, Ore. 

Moments later, it was split in two by the Oceanic, a ship more than twice its size, killing 13 passengers, including two children, and three crew members. 

FULL story at link. 



1. And I thought the Malaysian airliner search was taking a while


7. CNN just did a breaking news alert on it.


OP by Capt. Obvious  




I can see the attack ads being planned for 2014 





This may cost us the Senate. 


5. I, for one, welcome our tea-serving overlords.


12. One former DUer will be thrilled.


23. Domo arigato, Mr Robamo.

Arugula Latte  



'Til next week!

Posted by Flying Squirrel | Fri Apr 25, 2014, 05:55 AM (20 replies)

I got to attend the "Saving The Earth by Keeping Big Asteroids Away" presentation today..

Thanks to n2doc, without whose thread I wouldn't have known about it:

the only thing preventing a catastrophe from a 'city-killer' sized asteroid is blind luck.

It was very interesting, informative and inspirational.

Here's their website: https://b612foundation.org/

They named themselves after the Little Prince's asteroid, B-612


There was a question/answer period afterwards, so if anyone has questions on the project and I can remember the answer Lu gave, I'll do my best to answer them in this thread (to the best of my ability, anyway -- I'm just a layman). There are also some FAQ's at their website as well as a video.

Essentially, based on the number of asteroids we've already detected from Earth, they believe there are over a million in our solar system that could impact the earth, which are large enough that we would want to deflect them. Their solution is to put an infrared telescope into space in orbit near the planet Venus, looking away from the sun, which can detect the asteroids in a much larger field than we can do from earth. They expect to be able to identify around 200,000 per year this way, as opposed to our current 1,000 per year. The heat from the asteroids will allow us to detect them, and the orbit of each object will be plotted - of course these orbits can change if they collide with another object or pass near enough to a larger object etc. but there's no perfect system - they estimate that on average most orbits are unchanged for around 100 years, and if one does change it will just show up as a new object since it will be in a different place than expected and the telescope will still be out there identifying and categorizing them.

It was very cool to see that this was really happening (if they had left it to Congress, it probably would not have even gotten off the ground but instead they got private funding.) If/when they do detect an asteroid that they determine will hit Earth, they can actually predict to within a few kilometers where it will hit - it's presumed that at this point, governments will be more likely to fund an intercept mission, which will basically just need to crash something into the asteroid far enough in advance of the expected impact - say, ten years - to deflect its course enough to miss Earth.

The expected launch of the telescope will be 2018.

Posted by Flying Squirrel | Tue Apr 22, 2014, 11:16 PM (7 replies)
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